have i just done the right thing?

[GEM33]

Im am sat here crying my eyes out. I decided today that my nearly 6 month old dd needs to start having naps in her own cot having always co slept. bUT i ALSO DECIDED THat she needs to go down on her own as she ALWAYS breastfeeds to sleep. So about an hour ago she was showing her usual signs of tiredness after 2 hours/2 half hours awake. she was only due to have a short nap but i took her to her room which she loves as has always had nappy changes in there and i fed her a boob til she was sleepy and then put her down and pottered for a bit hoping by some miracle she would chatter and fall asleep as someone else has just described on this topic that their baby does. she started crying so i am no way going to just leave her because i have tried controlled crying just leaving her and she just gets worse til she is sick. so i just kept picking her up until she was quiet and putting her down. anyway, it took about an hour and she just cried and cried. i had to give her a sip of water from a cup as i was worried her throat was dry. she has finally gone to sleep and i put her down slightly awake and she is asleep but still catching her breath from all the sobbing. i have come down and just cried and cried worrying that she isnt ready or maybe i have done it wrong or i should just carry on feeding her to sleep until she is ready but the thing is i need to go back to work possibly in 3 months and i wont be there to feed her to sleep. have i done the right thing? what should i do tomorrow carry on trying to get her to nap like this. i still want her to co sleep at night as she stil feeds at night but i would like her to have her naps in this room ...im writing her a note next in her baby book explaining that i am trying to do her a favour to self settle. your comments and advice please mummys...

well. it isn't something i could do myself.

in 3 months she may well be totally different with regard to her sleeping, so i wouldn't worry that much about it.
if someone else has her in the day she may well not expect to be fed and might sleep fine if taken out for a walk or whatever.

personally i would continue to feed her to sleep. she is a little baby, she has no idea why you are doing it

Oh god now i feel even worse after you saying that because in my heart i totally agree with you, im just surrounded by people who say that they put their babies down awake and they fall asleep by themselves and in their own cots. i just cant see my babs doing that. im getting a bit panicky that i might have to go back to work earlier as running out of money (i work shifts and will have to do night shifts so wont be around when she wakes up etc etc). ive read threads on here about sitting by the cot and moving the chair back and back etc but mine just cries as soon as you put her down. i cant go through what we went through today again. i only wanted her to have a nap by herself. i seem to be with her all the time, i have my morning nap with her - i go back to bed with her to catch up on sleep, her afternoon nap is in the car seat/pram and the afternoon nap used to be in the swing with me watching tv but she wont go to sleep in the swing any more. maybe i wont try this again.

Ok I completely agree with thisisyesterday. I've been in your position twice now and honestly it's better that they get there in their own time. But don't beat yourself up over it! Your dd sounds so much like my dc - CC and CIO made them both sick and the took longer to settle each time

As for going back to work, both mine have been fine and dandy without me there. Charming!

You can safely ignore most other mums at playgroups etc when it comes to sleep. For some reason there's this one-upmanship about who can spend the least time with their little baby and I don't get it. Baby cuddles are lovely and they change so fast! Enjoy her while she's small and everything is easily solved by a boob

I fed both mine to sleep and then gave them a bottle in the cot when they were a bit older. I don't see anything wrong with it. Mine always fell a sleep on their own at other nap times so knew it was not a problem. Don't stress about it. Sounds like you are putting loads of pressure on yourself. Good luck!

Don't be upset Gem. You haven't done anything wrong or hurt your baby or any thing of the sort. At some point you will have to stop feeding your little one to sleep whether it is today or in 3 or 6 months and it is always going to be a bit difficult. I think you are doing the right thing as by this age they don't just drop off anywhere like when they are tiny- as you have found with the swing, so it helps if you can get them to go off to sleep in their bed.
I stopped bfing my 7 month old DD to sleep about 6 weeks ago as we found that she couldn't re-settle herself between sleep cycles and began waking up crying every hour. We used the technique that you mentioned (Gradual Retreat), but we just went about it really gently as she was still so little. We never actually bothered with the retreat bit, but sat beside her in her cot and gently stroked her or gave her little pats to let her know we were there but didn't actually pat/stroke her off to sleep. We let her learn to do it on her own. She still cried, but I felt ok about it as I was there hand holding the whole time. After a while I came to realise that she wasn't actually upset, she was just winding down and most of the time she didn't pay attention to me being there anyway. We are now at the point where we can pop her into her bed with her special elephant, put on her mobile, give her a cuddle and kiss and leave her to fall asleep on her own. She usually cries her wind down cry for a little bit, but not for very long and as I sat and watched her go through this process so many times I feel comfortable with that as I know it is her routine. If she does get a bit worked up, or go on for a while (usually if overtired) I go in and give her a little pat to help her on her way.
One thing that I found really helpful was keeping a sleep diary. The first night I tried the gradual retreat with my DD I expected her to cry forever, so when she dropped off after 45mins on her own, I felt so proud of her I thought I would burst. The next night it was 30 mins. All of her night wakings reduced too. It was so reassuring looking at how she was progressing in the diary.
So chin up. If you are attempting to make changes to your routine, you obviously feel that the time is right, so don't feel bad.
Oh and by the way, if I had kept picking up and putting down my LO she would get really wound up. Why don't you just try sitting and patting her?

Sorry for the long post.

oh no, don't feel worse :(

you know if your instinct is shouting out that this isn't the right thing to do, then it probably isn't the right thing to do.
go with what you feel is right for your baby,

some babies are good sleepers. my first was. would happily lie in his cot awake until he fell asleep.
my other 2? no way! co-sleeping all the way because they didn't want to be away from me.

and some poeople are just down and out lying when they say how "good" their babies are at sleeping.

I can recommend the no-cry sleep solution though. we used that when ds2 was older, to help him fall asleep without the breast (did involve introducing a dummy and a comfort blanket though, he was a hard nut to crack ) but it worked quite well. he was about 9 or 10 months when we used it, but i think you can use it for younger babies too. it's a really gentle way of sleep training and you won't see results immediately, but it does work eventually.

try not to think too much about your return to work though. i bet your baby has changed tons over the last 3 months? and she will over the next 3 as well :)

do you have a husband/partner helping out as well?

Oh poor you. Been there too.

I did it with my dd at nearly 6 months as she was waking hourly... But must admit we go back and forth a bit with feeding to sleep. She has been unwell so I a feeding to sleep again (she is 9 month).

Could you try rocking to sleep instead and then over time try putting her down more and more awake?

It gets easier for them as they get older in my experience.

She won't remember it but I know how awful you feel.

tERTIUS, (sorry my blinkin caps lock keeps sticking) yeah, I have tried rocking to sleep but i HAVE got a really full of life, interested in everything highly alert baby and it is quite hard for her to switch off. up to about 2 months ago I used to put her down awake for her morning nap as she was quite sleepy and she used to cry a little with me holding her hand but she would go off lovely, then one day she was ill and she went to sleep on my boob once and after that it was like she thought to herself, sod this i WANT Boob every morning (despite having her first feed about an hour before). I kind of expect her to feed to sleep at night as I feel like this is her way of stock piling to get her through (not that it does!!) so I have no objection to night time feeding to sleep but at naps I think it upsets our proper feed times because she wakes, has a feed, is awake for 2 hours then feeds to sleep again then when she wakes she isnt as hungry as she would be if you know what I mean.
I am a first time mum and everyone in my family seems to have a different opinion on what i should be doing and I dont know if I am doing the right thing. dd isnt normally a crying baby as she is very happy so me making her cry to sleep seems like torture as it was today. I have only spent 40 minutes away from her to go to the docs since she was born because she relies so heavily on my boob. I dont expect much me time with a child but a little would be nice. my partner is very willing to do anything to help but he cant actually do anything at the moment because babs just screams for my boob if he tried to settle her for me.

sorry for long post.

I would just stay next to the cot until she falls asleep, you can be next to her even talk a little just to soothe her - she'll get used to being herself but she'll know you're near

Ah - well I am on my second baby and I still dot know what's best or the right thing. And she is 9 months and I think I have been away from Her to have my hair cut and that's it! Know how you feel. Totally.

But it's over so fast.

You'll find your way. Just let yourself make mistakes and follow your instinct.

I have got to do some sleep training soon but am waiting til I really feel the moment is right - or am forced through exhaustion / returning to work!

Babies change so fast and once you've got it ironed out they get ill or teethe.. Honestly that's true. But good luck to you

hugs honey. Some very good advice from both sides of the fence here. I think you really need to ask yourself deep down what it is you want from this. If, in your heart, you are happy to keep her close to you & your instinct is to keep feeding her to sleep, and you can sacrifice that time out for you, then wait it out & don't feel under any pressure to do things you aren't comfortable with.

However, if you are feeling that you need some time for you, that is not being selfish or greedy - we ALL need a wee bit of time out from being on mummy duty to keep us sane!!! So if that is what you need, then you really shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to make a few changes to how she goes off to sleep at night. I know the crying is heartbreaking, but like OlivesTree says, if you persevere for naps and nighttime then you will see a difference in a really short space of time. And it is not the same as CC or CIO (which I could never do either) because you are right there with her to comfort her & help her through it.

I never had the feeding to sleep issue with my DS, but I did cuddle him to sleep & he got a bit reliant on it & I was having to hold him for every nap & I eventually reached the point you did & felt like I needed some time out, if nothing else for the fact I wanted to have a cuppa/do some housework/have a few mins chill before he woke again. When he was 3 months old I used a similar strategy of sssh/pat & just stayed with him & reassured/comforted him while he cried. It was tough, but I too felt ok about it because I knew I was helping him to learn a new & important skill, and he wasn't crying alone. It only took a week or 2 & I could pop him in the cot & leave the room & he would go to sleep on his own, AND I found he slept so much better for doing that.

HTH.x

Thanks everyone, I think maybe we both arent ready. We have just started weaning, she is teething, ,just had 3rd jab. Im ill. I just got panicked by listening to other mums saying they put their babies down to sleep awake and they happily go for naps etc by themselves. I was worried dd would have to learn this skill soon. However if I can afford another 3- 6 months off it wont hurt to wait a bit longer and when the time is better for me maybe the solid food will help her. Like someone said, if she is with someone else and I m not around she might go for a nap more easily because im not there reminding her of my milkshakers!!!
For now, Im holding her a bit closer for her feed to sleeps and making the most of the cuddly baby moments.
Ill prob be back on here in a few months crying for advice again!!!;-)

Good for you!

She will def learn different ways for others.

Good luck and remember so many of us in the same boat.

It all gets easier.

And sleep training def gets set backs with life. My baby was really v unwell this week an refused to drink at all so that put paid to feeding to sleep!