Tried everything, at my wit's end...

[RockChick1984]

Please help! DS (14 months) has stopped going to sleep at night. He's never been a very good sleeper, but over the last 3 weeks he's gone so much worse! Before this regression, we had a reasonable sleeping pattern, he would watch tv (I know, i always said i wouldnt do this,but it worked for us). He'd then have a story, bottle and bed. During the day he would sleep around 2 hours, either 1 long or 2 short naps, then bed around 7.

He wasn't well around a month ago, and slept a lot for a week while he was ill. Since then he just won't settle at night. I decided he needed a better bedtime routine as he seemed wide awake at bedtime. We have changed it to no tv or noisy toys after 6pm, pj's and story around 6.45 and bottle & bed at 7. It's made no difference, he just plays, fights, talks, screams until 9 or 10pm every night! He's still awake around 6.30am. If he doesn't nap as long during the day, he just screams until he wears himself out (around 10pm). I've tried controlled crying, it made no difference. I'm at my wit's end and don't know what to do any more, please can anyone suggest anything?

Anyone? Please?

I'm so sorry you're having troubles at night time. I have no advice, as my PFB is only 10 months, but can really sympathise as he's been a tricky customer at night times recently. I hope someone more knowledgeable comes along soon with some advice.

When I was in your shoes, I just didn't put my children to bed until they were tired. There's no point leaving them to scream alone for 3 hours if you can just keep them downstairs and be boring at them until they start to droop.

maybe move bedtime back a bit .. he might just not be tired

is there anything guaranteed to get him to sleep? pushchair? car? sitting with him til he goes to sleep?

I can't say enough good things about the Hand In Hand parenting website, it's such a different approach to the sleep issue, I'm surprised people just dont seem to know about it. My 8 month DD used to wake about 6 times a night, now it's just once, and sometimes she actually sleeps through the night. And it's not mean sleep training, it just involves changing your understanding of why children fight sleep, or wake up in the night, hope this helps.

www.handinhandparenting.org/news/49/64/Helping-Young-Children-Sleep

He's definitely tired, he does all his usual sleep cues (yawning, snuggling up for cuddles, wanting his dummy and his teddy) and looks tired. As soon as he's in bed he starts kicking his legs around, jumping in the cot, anything to wake himself up again! This is why it's so frustrating, he ends up getting himself worked up because he's so overtired and eventually just loses the fight he's having against going to sleep. All anyone seems to be suggesting is to leave him to cry (I would really prefer to avoid this).

Will he sleep on you?

so what happens if you put him down and leave him to play around in his cot?

does he just cry the whole time? or only after a while? after you leave?

Lucinda not sure what I think about the approach on the link. Does it work?

I really feel for you, it is draining, especially at the end of the day when you need to get some time for yourself (if only to clear up!). DS was terrible at bedtime but is a lot better now since I read 'Teach your Child to Sleep' by the Millpond Clinic. Lots of different techniques to help establish bedtime, and quite realistic about timelines etc to help encourage you during the first few difficult evenings. It seemed quite 'kind' too, IMO, as for DS at least, he learnt that bedtime was for staying in bed and sleeping, but knew I was there with him (without having him sleep on me, me squashed onto his little bed etc etc, we were in a right state!). Definitely worth a try. Good luck!

Its a form of torture isn't it?! If its any help we had toddler Snuggle Sacs - smaller size fleecy sleeping bags and my son started having a day time nap in it so he felt cosy and warm and associated it with sleep. His one was a lion! He then wanted to go to bed and actually wanted to sleep. He went from almost hourly waking to a full night. I remember the panic of waking up after sleeping all night thinking there must be something wrong.

op - what time does he usually wake up, what time does he usually nap & how long for & what time are you trying to put him to bed at night? I just wonder if his routine might need a tweak now. Its possible that all the extra sleep while he was ill made him a wee bit undertired for bedtime once he got better, but that can quickly lead to overtiredness if not nipped in the bud, which it sounds like it has done!

Have you tried putting him down earlier? Counter intuitive I know, but sleep begets sleep and my ds did this at exactly the same age. He'd just started walking and was more tired and by his usual bedtime he was starting to get manic which allowed him to fight sleep.

Make sure bedtime is relaxing and consistent too

OP is he teething at all? From what I remember with DS, this seemed to cause sleepless nights for a few weeks as it was his bigger teeth coming through.

He won't settle to sleep on me, I've already tried that.

We got him a cotbed quilt and pillow to see if that makes a difference, he is mostly sleeping through the night since giving him that (a week ago) its just getting him off to sleep in the first place!

When we put him down he plays for a while, then starts crying and getting worked up. If he just played then went to sleep I wouldn't be so concerned, but he's getting so upset being left to cry, he's been sick, he gets to the point where he's sobbing so much he struggles to breathe properly.

Definitely not teething, he got a couple of molars through just before he was unwell and even with this he wasn't this unsettled! We gave him calpol the other day just in case, and that made no difference to bedtime but when he's teething that is enough to get him to sleep.

His routine is usually up between 6.15-7, he either has 1 nap of around 2 hours at about 11.30, or he has 2 shorter naps (still totalling around 2 hours) 1 in the morning and 1 around 3pm. We have never pushed a routine on him, this is what he has done for himself.

Before he was ill, it was always the 1 long nap, but now because he's not having enough sleep at night, he's tired earlier in the day.

Thankyou to everyone who has offered me advice so far.

Thinking about how old he is, is he working up to a big developmental stage eg talking more, walking etc. This always made DS unsettled. Otherwise, is it just a stage that he's going through - or separation anxiety?

Hope you get it sorted soon whatever it is though.

Do you know what my advice would be.... initially offer some earlier bedtimes to see if its overtiredness preventing him from settling at bedtime. When my LO would nap at 11.30am I had to put him to bed at around 6.30pm or he would get overtired. If the earlier bedtime helps (try for a good week or 2), great, if it doesn't then I would do this: Offer 1 nap days as much as you can (the 2 nap days probably aren't helping his BT's) & I would also gradually push the nap a wee bit later so he's napping nearer to 12pm. You could do this by 5mins every 3 days or by 15mins/week, just slowly so he doesn't get too overtired.

You may think this sounds crazy, but I have found with my little one that although he always takes his nap well, every so often, we get to a point where he doesn't settle well at bedtime & will chatter for ages & its like he's not tired enough. And we get short nights. And the only thing that ever fixes it for us is to give him a later nap. And lo & behold he will settle much better at his usual bedtime. I think its just that being awake for a wee bit longer in the morning means he doesn't need to be awake for so long in the afternoon IYSWIM?

Thankyou, some fab things for me to try. Will try the earlier bedtime first, I tried to watch him more carefully for tiredness cues today and at 6pm (while halfway through tea!) he went all sleepy looking, 10 mins later he perked up again so I think this is definitely worth a go. Keep your finger crossed for me....