Why won't he nap for me?

[scrivette]

DS will fall asleep quickly and easily with my Mum and DH and have a long, 2 hour, nap with them. between them they look after him 3 days a week whilst I am at work.

When he is with me every nap time is a battle, and he won't sleep for longer than half an hour.

Right now he is crying in his cot because I have had to put him down (he is rocked to sleep) as its making me so angry/upset/tearful which I expect he picks up on.

He loves being with his Nana and Dad, but is quite indifferent to me, even when I have been to work all day.

I just don't know what I am doing wrong, apart from being back at work, which I don't want to be but have no choice.

It makes me so sad that I can't look after my baby as well as others can.

Oh Scrivette, don't be so hard on yourself! You are number one in your DS's life, honestly, and no one can look after him the way you do, but they are clever little buggers and the thing is, he just wants to be with you! You're too much fun!

How old is he?

My DS has always been a right little monster with sleep - he's 22 months now - but refused to go in his cot to sleep at 10 months, and it's been the pushchair or the car ever since. Not what I would like, but a good fried of mine who is a sleep specilaist, assures me that the most important thing is that they get the sleep, not where it is. He sleeps like a dream with the child minder, but with me it's a battle.

I can relate to the anger - it's so tiring when you work and look after them and they don't even give you a break for an hour! DS is also an early riser, so I often have verrrrrrry long days.

Can you go for a stroll? He may drop off? The just rush home and out your feet up and leave him in the buggy? Or cuddle on the sofa with some gentle kids tv for an hour. Even if they just relax their bodies for a bit helps, and then put him to bed a bit earlier so he's not over tired.

I feel for you, I really do. Good luck. xx

How old is DS? When did you go back to work? If it wasn't long ago it's possible it's a transition phase for both of you..

It will get better, but a few things to think about might be; be careful what you project onto him, indifference is a complex adult emotion. How are you feeling about work? What reaction did you expect from him.

I had a similar experience with dd1 when I went back to work when she was 12 months old. A psychologist friend told me that children behave least well where they feel safest/most secure. And undoubtedly with the naps issue babes sense lack of confidence as much as frustration and upset. The minute you expect it to be tricky it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy?

I also used to wonder whether DD would be worried i'd disappear again if she napped with me. My first day with her after 3 days at work was always the trickiest in the week but it got better...

Going back to work is a huge and difficult transition, especially if it's not what you might have ideally wanted. Both you and he might need time to settle to it.. Hang in there and remember to enjoy him as much as you can. Xx

He is 10 months old.

I hadn't thought that he may be worried that I wouldn't be there when he woke up.

I have been back at work for a couple of months, Mon, Wed and Fri.

After finally getting him to sleep he slept for a grand total of 15 minutes and then cried in my arms for the next 45 minutes.

In desperation to go somewhere I am now at the clinic to get him weighed - he is happily relaxing on my lap watching the other babies - who are sleeping

Are you & your parents putting him down to nap at the same times each day i.e. is his routine consistent? Or does he have to get up earlier on days when they have him versus days when he's at home with you? Just wondering if there may be a change somewhere that's leading to this resistance. Also do your parents rock him to sleep too?

We do exactly the same thing - that's why I find it so bizarre!

It may be that because you're working days are split over the week, he's just taking a little longer to find the rhythm. I know that our nursery says it takes children longer to settle if they don't have consecutive days. That said, I'm sure your working pattern has advantages.

I worked mon-wed when I first went back, dd was in nursery 2 days and with MIL 1 day. Her longest naps were always with MIL ..

You're not alone and whatever it's about it's because you're his most important carer and relationship that he does this, it's a million miles from indifference xx

I am going to have to start working 4 days a weeks soon but hopefully that should mean that he is more settled on the days he is with me, so I will try to think of it as an advantage!

Thank you all for your kind and helpful words, I feel better already.

Stick at it Scrivette! It may also be that's he's on the transition from 2 - 1 naps?

The work thing is also a good point, with a bit of transition going on.

I know it's really hard (it still winds me up when DS won;t sleep), but you're a brilliant Mum and doing everything you can.

xx

Sounds a lot like separation anxiety to me, and that is normal and very healthy at your son's age. It shows he has a strong attachment to you in fact. Both of my children will sleep far better if their dad or a babysitter puts them to bed/ down for a nap than if I do it. I think like a PP has said, it's because they want to be awake to see you - with DP and your mum, not wanting to be unkind, he is perhaps not quite so bothered about waking up to see them as he is if he knows you are around, IYSWIM! Babies typically have several mini-wake-ups during naps (first one typically after around 25-30 mins or 45 mins, sometimes- and they will do either one of two things at that point: wake up and scream, or just go back to sleep.