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Sleep

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Original poster

What if I don't want to do CC???

33 replies

Annie456 · 09/05/2012 20:09

8mo DS has recently started screaming his head off everytime me or DH leave the room. He usually feeds to sleep which would be one if he slept through but he's waking at 12, 3 and 5.30 and screaming until one of us goes in and comforts him where he will eventually fall asleep. It's been going on for weeks now and we are getting pretty desperate-I feel like I'm starting a feeding in the night habit where previously he was fine from 7-7 without a bottle.

I've been trying CC for an hour so far tonight, going in after 10 mins, then 20, then 30 but I'm starting to lose my nerve...will I really see a result after a few days? It's not just for me, I want to DS to be able to self soothe in the middle of the night rather than getting upset. I'm trying to see the bigger picture but it's so hard.

Are there other options? Tell me about them!!!!!

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girliefriend · 09/05/2012 20:12

It is tough, I did it with my dd and it worked after a few nights. I would definately not be giving milk in the night, will he take a dummy? Could he be teething?

NoWave · 09/05/2012 20:20

If you don't want to do CC, then don't do it. Co-sleeping is a way around the problem, although he'll still wake; it'll just be easier and quicker to get him back to sleep.

They do change their sleep habits, dramatically, all the time. DS was a dreadful sleeper until he hit 12 months, but I do remember 8-10 months being particularly bad. Now he's 14 months, and he's teething molars, so it's bad again. But it does go up and down.

I think CC is either something you're comfortable with or not.

And I also think that at 8 months he could very well be hungry in the night. Just think how much growing he's doing.

Yes, he probably could go without - but that doesn't mean he isn't genuinely hungry.

Original poster

Annie456 · 09/05/2012 20:22

We always use teething as an excuse but he's not been at all grizzly in the day like when he has cut other teeth (he has 6 so far) and when we have given him calpol its not made any difference so I don't think it can be teething...
If I go in he'll stop crying and then it breaks his heart (and mine ) when I leave again.

How long do I leave him crying? Or do I just do it until he goes to sleep but go in every 30 mins? What should I do when I go in? I'm not picking him up although I know that if I do then he'll fall straight asleep on my shoulder and wake when I put him back down. It's so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Original poster

Annie456 · 09/05/2012 20:24

Thanks for suggesting the co-sleeping option but that is something that neither me or DH have ever been comfortable with. He's never been in our bed and I used to wake up thinking he was under the covers when he was first born! I don't even let myself nap with him. Too paranoid!

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showtunesgirl · 09/05/2012 20:27

If he's 8 months old, could it be Separation Anxiety?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/05/2012 20:27

Sorry, but another vote for co-sleeping it sounds like the quickest and easiest solution and I am a great fan of lazy parenting . If you don't want him in your bed can you move his bed next to yours, or mattresses on floor his next to yours?

Tertius · 09/05/2012 20:35

Ah really feeling for you. I put my dd down not totally asleep today (usually she falls asleep breastfeeding) and she cried very heartbreakingly... So I went in and out every 2 minutes and hated all fifteen minutes of it. I am following Penelope leach's advice to just go in and out regularly. I've got an old book called your baby and child which suggests this. I like not leaving her for long periods but when she quietened I left her a bit longer as I didn't want to start her up again.

Were you doing the cc for the first settling? Will you do it tonight?

It's so so difficult.

Haven't got any advice as my dd wakes all night at least at 10, 12, 3 and 5 and often more - and I feed or rock her back to sleep. So I too was starting the going in and out at bedtime to try and help her settle herself.

You could try gradual withdrawal. There's a thread here about it called what worked for us.I don't feel able to do that as I have another child who is still awake while I am putting baby to sleep.

Good luck and huge sympathies to you. (although I only had 15 minutes of crying tonight, she was sitting up waiting for me each time I went back and that made me v sad...)

girliefriend · 09/05/2012 20:36

I am with you op with co-sleeping concerns, I really don't believe it is a solve all and always had the same worries as you. If dd ever did come into my bed (because she was poorly or something) I would not be able to sleep because I was convinced she would suffocate or fall out or something!!!

Its up to you but cc worked for me, you have to be consistant with it and if your ds picks up on your anxieties ot prob won't work! I used to find that putting dd to bed and then finding something to do (wash-up, put a load washing out, phone my mother and other exciting things) helped as if I just was sitting doing nothing a minute of dd crying felt like an hour.

I personally think helping to teach your child the ability to self soothe and fall asleep by themselves is really important and an vital life skill. but understand listening to your baby cry is very hard

Original poster

Annie456 · 09/05/2012 20:59

1hr 45 mins and he's fast asleep (for now!) Was only able to do this with a massive distraction (in my case, ticking off over 100 bits of my ikea kitchen delivery). I tried it last night but I was already exhausted and stressed when I started and after 15 mins I sent DH in. I guess I have to do it in the night too although I know that will be much harder. I will feed him at 5.30 as he's always fed at that time and when I feed him at other times I only do it to get him to sleep which happens almost instantly so I know he won't be missing any milk if I go cold turkey.

Do I do the same at night and go in every 15 mins?

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Tertius · 09/05/2012 21:07

Well done

Have a drink!

girliefriend · 09/05/2012 21:24

well done at night I went in, checked dd was o.kay (not too hot/cold), reassured, offered a drink of water, sometimes changed her nappy if it was really soaking (even now she hates feeling wet and she is 6yo!!) and left again, dd would take a dummy so think that helped!

I would do this again every 20 mins or when I could drag myself out of bed again although it is tough my dd continues to this day to sleep well so imo well worth it!!

Original poster

Annie456 · 10/05/2012 08:21

He slept through til 8am without waking!!!!! I think he'd still be asleep now if the postie hadn't knocked on the door! He did have a bit of a cry at about 1am but I turned the monitor to low and we were all asleep again within 10 mins!

So I assume it's the same tonight... hope it wasn't just 'beginners luck'!

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Original poster

Annie456 · 10/05/2012 18:44

Ok, hand holding needed-going for the second night of CC...he's fallen asleep on the boob so should I try to wake him or wait til he wakes up later and then do CC? I feel like when he wakes up later he's less aware so it seems slightly more cruel?

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Tertius · 10/05/2012 18:58

Same with me - I fed her in the light but she still fell asleep and tho always happens - naps go wrong and she is so tired I cannot get her down awake.....

I give up

Tertius · 10/05/2012 18:59

Sorry - no advice. It seems so difficult to be consistent.

Original poster

Annie456 · 10/05/2012 19:24

Well he woke up when I put him down. We're 22 mins in so far and it's heartbreaking. It's so much worse when I go I to reassure him, when I leave he cries like he's never going to see me again...is it worth it? I just want to pick him up and give him a cuddle.

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MunroMagic · 10/05/2012 19:37

Annie - it is such an awful thing to go through. But if you don't follow through with it now, all the crying last night and so far this evening will have been for nothing, which isn't fair on DS.

For us, we had 2 nights of crying (40m, 30m) then sleeping through.

Big hugs.

Original poster

Annie456 · 10/05/2012 19:52

Thanks munro... Just not sure I'm doing it right. He was still screaming so I went in to do my 15 min "it's ok, go to sleep x 3" and while I was talking he closed his eyes and turned his head to sleep. Then I walked out and he really went for it again. Should I have stayed while he fell asleep or was I right to walk out again? He would obviously be happier falling asleep if I was in the room.... Argh this is SO HARD!

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CravingSleep · 10/05/2012 19:59

Can you sit wxith him but not feed him? I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a baby to cry for 15mins as they genuinely have no idea of time or that you are ever coming back. It does seem to work for some people though. I've got no cry sleep solution and am going to look at that or the other option is a Dr Gordon one where you let them cry but you stay with them so they are just angry but not abandoned. Good luck whatever you do. Sleep deprivation is not good :-(

Original poster

Annie456 · 10/05/2012 20:02

56 minutes!

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MunroMagic · 10/05/2012 20:05

I think if you want your DS to fall asleep without you in the room, then you were right to leave. Crying is an inevitable consequence of that as he is used to you staying with him.

You should go and do something to distract yourself - dvd, ironing, whatever.

MunroMagic · 10/05/2012 20:06

Cross posted - that's great Annie. A big improvement on last night. Hopefully tomorrow there will be no tears at all.

OlivesTree · 10/05/2012 20:56

Annie, if you are really uncomfortable with CC maybe you should take a look at the thread 'what worked for us' within the sleep topics. I didn't want to leave my 6 month old to cry so we tried this technique (gradual retreat) and found it to be great. Still some crying involved, but you are with your baby the whole time so you don't feel like you have abandoned them. It got us to the point where we can now leave 7 month old DD to fall asleep on her own in her cot, which she usually does within a few minutes. She still cries for a little while most nights but we feel comfortable with leaving her to do so, as I learned from doing the gradual retreat that this was just part of her wind down routine. Anyway, enough rambling from me, take a look at the thread, it's great.

Sorry if someone has already mentioned this technique, didn't have time to read your whole thread.

Good luck.

JollyGoodFun · 10/05/2012 21:02

Annie, I promise you that it does work. It only doesn't work when the parents are unable to keep it up or when there are particular (very unusual) medical issues.

It's really really difficult though and completely heartbreaking. We did it at 7 months because I was ill through lack of sleep - this was in November. Since Christmas there have only been 2 nights when he's been up through the night. It is definitely worth it.

Original poster

Annie456 · 11/05/2012 19:33

And we begin the 3rd night...please let this be quicker. Anyone who's done it, how long does it take?

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