20mth old 'good' sleeper won't go to sleep! going a little mental!

[MrsH1979]

Hello
I am losing the plot at the moment due to having severe issues getting my 20mth old to sleep. Any advice/support/understanding greatfully received!!!

She has always been a good sleeper - pop her in her cot, dummy, lights out, no crying straight to sleep @ 7pm and same for lunchtime nap around 1230. I think I've had it too good, hence feeling like I can't cope at the moment.

For the last 6 weeks she just will not settle, particularly in the evenings without me sitting with her for well over an hour. She doesn't try and play while I'm sat there.. she just seems to be trying to get to sleep. So I don't feel like she is taking the mickey so to speak. I have tried letting her cry but she works herself up into such a frenzy it makes calming her down much worse.

I feel bad for saying this but I'm finding it really overwhelming starting my day at 6am (she's always been an early riser) and ending it at 830pm+ and just not having any time to myself to get jobs done, let alone some 'me' time. I'm the sort of person who really needs some time alone every now and then to recharge (think it comes from being a sort of only child (much older sibling never around)). Anyway, I'm not getting this and it's driving me mental and I feel like I'm getting really angry with my LO when she doesn't want to go to sleep and I dread that bit of everyday. She doesn't go to nursery yet so is with me every day and DH works late every day (leaves 630am, back 830pm) and no grandparents close by!

I think the feeling of helplessness is compounded by this dreadful weather, and the fact that I finally resigned from my lovely successful job of 10yrs yesterday and feel more upset about it than I thought I would - even though I know it's the right thing to do! Argh.

I've tried:
Cutting lunchtime sleep to 1hr (she naturally sleeps for 2).
Putting her to bed later (she still wakes at 6am).
Reading her a calming story before lights out
Night light
Aptimal instead of whole milk before bed
Letting her cry (I find this incredibly difficult).

Apologies for the moan. If anyone has any words of wisdom for how to get out of this cycle of hideous bedtimes please shout!

Thanks so much for reading. x

How long did you try the shorter nap for & what time did you put her down for it?
And with the later bedtime - again how long did you try it for & at what time?

The reason I ask this is that sometimes it can take several weeks for a change like that to start to have a positive effect on their sleep, and we all too often (myself included) try these things & if there is no result after a couple of days we give up & move onto something else.

I'll commiserate with you b/c I'm also having issues with my 20month old. A couple of months ago we were also doing a 2hr nap at 12.30pm, but he would go to bed at 7.30pm & wake at 7am. Recently he has also been taking forever to go to sleep at night, falling asleep nearer to 8/8.15pm & then waking at 6am the next day.

I've actually found in recent weeks, he is actually faring better with a slightly later nap, that starts at 1pm. We've also tried a bit of nap capping to see if it would help, but I probably haven't been consistent enough yet to see a decent result. For the last week he's been a bit off colour & back to 2hr naps 1-3pm & an 8pm bedtime & he's been waking at around 7.15am. He's getting better & the last 2 nights its taken him until 8.30pm to fall asleep again, so I know for sure a 2hr nap is too long for him now.

So back to your dd......I do think that at her age, a 7pm bedtime is too early given she's having a 2hr nap from 12.30-2.30. You could try a 7.30 or 8pm BT for say 2-3weeks & see how she fares. Or perhaps try pushing the nap 15mins later/week until it starts at 1pm, allow 2hrs max & push her bedtime a little later too & see if she starts to sleep in a bit later. Or perhaps try cutting the nap back a bit (maybe 1hr was too much to start with) so try 1.5hrs, from say 1-2.30pm & aim for a 7-7.30pm bedtime. So there's a few suggestions for you. Whichever you pick, stick to it like glue for at least a couple of weeks before you decide its not working.

I too, like having my evenings to myself but I have come to accept that its better to have DS going to bed a wee bit later & sleeping in til 7am than have him waking at 5.30/6am like he would (& did for a whole year!) if I put him to bed at 7pm yk? Its all down to personal preference of course!

Hi omama, Thanks so much for your reply. You're absolutely right, I've tried the changes for only a couple of nights each and haven't really given them a chance when you put it like that. Going to try and shorten the lunchtime nap for a couple of weeks to see what happens. Thanks again. Fingers crossed! :o)

good luck! report back & let me know if it works! I'm still trying to figure out what my ds needs too. I capped at 1h 45 today & will do this for the next couple of weeks & see what's what. Then trim further if I need to.

Hi omama and MrsH,

I've just read this thread and had to join in with a me too! My ds is 20 months and has been sleeping really well for the last 10 months or so (with a little wobble when we went from 2 naps to 1). I was feeling jolly smug until 2 weeks ago when it all went a bit pear-shaped. Now ds takes an hour or two to go to sleep (both for his nap and at night-time), spending the time standing in his cot, leaning on the bars, with a plaintive cry of "Mummy! Daddy!" every now and then. Even when he's so tired he falls over, falling down wakes him up again, and he stands up again! Standing and walking are not new skills for him, so it's not like he's practicing. If we go back in the room he screams until we pick him up, and then if we put him down he cries and cries. He has never been good at going to sleep with me in the room, he just wants cuddles if I'm there. So he has been happily settling himself until recently.

His routine was wake at 6.30/7am, nap 12.30-2.30/3pm, bedtime at 7.30. Now with the sleep resisting, some days he doesn't get a nap, and some days it's as late as 4pm. He's often exhausted, and has turned into some sort of nightmare-tantrum-child in the afternoons :( Our only respite is that 2 days a week he goes to nursery, and he naps there for 2 hours, then comes home refreshed! Though bedtime is still a battle even on nursery days.

I'm assuming that this is something developmental, this is a phase, and it will pass! I was hoping to avoid changing the routine, but as this has been going on for 2 weeks now I think I'll have to. So, I'm currently trying to figure out a new routine that will work at home. For the next week I'm trying a later nap at 2-4pm. I'll report back and tell you how it goes.

Oh, and I completely understand where you're coming from MrsH with the "me time" - I need my break in the middle of the day too! It makes a huge difference to my mood, and therefore ds's mood, and the smooth running of everything in the house. And this sucky weather really doesn't help anyone's mood - here's hoping for sun again soon.

Good luck! :)