WWYD/WDYD when two toddlers go to bed at the same time BUT one goes easily/loves sleep + the other wants to dick around/hates sleep...

[EggsOvaryZee]

Please bear with me:

We have a small upstairs, DCs are int heir own rooms, right next to each other with bery thin walls.
We try to put the 2 DC's to bed at the same sort of time. SO normally they'll (4+3) have a bath, and then we stay upstairs. Both have a story or two....DS sometimes has an extra one while DD wants a 'game' - all OK.

DS is 4 and goes to bed with no grumbles (anytime between 7.15pm + 7.30pm), BUT DD has always slept less and does not enjoying going to bed at all...

Problems seem to be starting because now DS is coming back out of his bed at 8pm when DD is about to settle down and saying stuff like "Why does she get to have an extra story/song/game?" - it's stressing me out because he'd normally be asleep by that point. He starts school in Sept and from what I understand he'll need even more sleep, not less....!

She will never fall asleep before him (or even at the same time) but can lie there crying and/or shouting for us etc...what advice does anyone have?!

(As in we can't just leave her to it cos she'll make a hell of a racket).

Should we bring her back downstairs for a quiet DVD or something? For that kind of half hour after DS's has gone to bed but before she's 'truly' ready - so that he gets a chance to drop off without being woken by her? And forget about joint bathtime/storytime/cleaning teeth since she actually goes to bed/settles about 45 mins less than DS?

I reckon she needs a bit more sleep genereally but nothing we do makes much of a difference - she's rarely asleep before 8pm....and the next morning her getting up time varies between 6.30-7.45am...

Not much advice as my DC are younger than yours, but fwiw I think I would try to stretch DS's bedtime to closer to DD's just for the summer. Hopefully by September he'll be so knackered he'll sleep through any noise she makes and can go back to the earlier bedtime!! Good luck. :)

Ha I could have written the title of this thread myself as having a very similar problem! My two share a room. 4 year old dd started school in Sept and is pretty shattered most nights. Put them both to bed at same time and almost 3 year old ds just starts dicking about. Unfortunately then dd gets drawn in and plays with him (usually making a complete tip of their room in the process) then she will lose the plot and cry that ds is keeping her awake, then it all just disintegrates from there.
The difference from your situation is that ds is often really tired but fights it and will stay up.

I've tried putting DD to sleep in our bed and then transferring her later but now ds realises and just goes in and disturbs her there. We've tried bringing DS downstairs but when DD twigged she wanted to too...
I was thinking of trying a reward chart of some kind but I'm not sure he will relate a sticker in the morning to his behaviour the night before.
I will be waiting for the excellent advice that will help us both!! At the moment my relaxing evenings after they've gone to bed are non-existent and I've reached the end of my tether with it.

I have the same problem of DD1 (4) needing more sleep than dd2 (2.6), so they both go to bed at the same time, but dd2 looks at books or plays quietly in her room for another half hour. This is easier as they have their own rooms.

The condition of her being able to have her light on and stay up a bit longer is that she has to be quiet so she doesn't wake DD1, if she messes around or leaves her room then her light goes off. Would something like that work for your dc?

My two (5 and 2.5) share a room.

Dd1 goes to bed first at 7.30-ish (as in bedtime routine is finished by 7.30pm iykwim). She may or may not kick up a fuss.

Dd2 will sometimes lie down at the same time but generally won't go to sleep. She gets herself out of bed and tells us she's not tired. So we bring her downstairs until she is (usually 8.30-9).

Dd2 still has an afternoon nap (occasionally she doesn't and then she will go to bed about the same time as dd1) so I tend to explain to dd1 that dd2 has a nap while she's at school so that's why she goes to bed later. I expect it'll change once dd2 starts 2.5 days at nursey in September (this is exactly what happened with dd1)

DS1 (4) and DS2 (2) go to bed at the same time and share a room.
DS1 usually goes to sleep straight away after a story whilst DS2 jumps about and plays in his cot for a good 40mins before he gives in and goes to sleep.
I tend to sit in with them until they're both asleep or DS2 kicks up a stink and wakes DS1 up.

Not ideal really but if I took DS2 downstairs again he'd be up for hours!

We had this. Still do, though now our slow-to-sleep DS2 can manage to lie quietly in bed next to quick-to-sleep DS1 until he too falls asleep. They are now 3.4 and 5.2.

Before DS2 was able to manage this, we split them up at bedtime - put one of them to go to sleep in our bed - and then carried back to his own bed when we went to bed.

Alongside this, we trained up the bad sleeper. At first, one of us had to stay outside the door of bad-sleeper room. Eventually did not have to stay. Eventually he would lie in same room as DS2 without sleeping. (It was harder than this sounds - took MONTHS). But worked out very well in the end. Both boys still sometimes go to sleep in our bed 'for a treat' (?!) or if something stopping them sleeping or whatever.

Interesting to hear others have this issue too and the ages of the siblings are very similar!
Brawhen I might try your advice sounds like that might work!
Hopefully because of the ages of the kids in all the posts I'm hoping it might be a phase that ds might grow out of...hopefully before he starts school!

We put them to sleep in separate rooms when they are sharing a room on holiday and then carry through once asleep.