OK now, what if self-settling doesn't solve the problem??!

[narmada]

Righto, DS is 18 months and has been a crap sleeper at night since about 8 months of age.

I thought his main issue was a lack of ability to self settle - he was needing to be patted or held/ rocked to sleep every single time. And every time he woke up during the evening/ night etc.

So, we have done gradual withdrawal to teach him to self settle and it's worked a treat insofar as he can now go to sleep with no parental presence.

However, he wakes after a sleep cycle and yells the house down if you don't attend to him and then he won't lie back down and go to sleep - I am talking head-ticking, practicallly vomiting with rage. If we pick him up he will fall to sleep but then will not be put down again without a real fight. So he can't self-settle after night wakings.

After about 11 pm he is in bed with us as I can't be bothered to keep getting up all night long, but ideally I would now like to reclaim the marital bed :).

Anyone got any ideas as to how we prevent the huge screamathons mid-sleep and end co-sleeping?

Funnily enough, my ds could self settle with no problem from 7 months but still woke frequently for a breast feed or a rock etc.... So self settling didn't solve the nights. He did sleep through once I changed what I did in the night - so I put him back into his cot awake. Could you try that? Cuddle or whatever once he has woken up, pick him up etc but put him back awake and then treat it as a gradual retreat thing. Maybe that will work over time?

Ah, tertius, I was afraid someone was going to suggest that
Thanks for your reply. It's good to know there are others who have dealt with similar. I was a bit flummoxed because although my DD was generally an appaling sleeper, once she learned to self-settle that was her completely sorted; from shortly after learning to self-settle she started sleeping like a trouper. DS however....

I am sure you are right that I need to apply the same method to night waking as I do at bedtime. Trouble is he goes absolutely bonkers when you try and return him to the bed and to be honest I am a bit lazy and just end up taking him into bed with us so we all get some sleep.

Guess it's the gradual retreat in the night then, wish me luck, ugh.

Tonight I have moved him into a toddler bed in the (probably vain) hope of bringing about a transformation :)

Know how you feel! I haven't got the energy to sort out my 9 month old and need to teach her to self settle etc but am too tired....

Did gradual retreat work without tears at 18 months?

No, there were tears, plenty of them!

Oh, that's a shame.

Hopefully the nights wont be too much of a challenge.

Can I suggest you have a physically exhausting day before you start so that he wants to go back to sleep in the night? That makes a difference with my son.

I will do - taking them to the farm tomorrow so that should wear them both out!

Hope you find a solution for your sleep battles soon, too.

Hello, it's CountBapula here (namechanged a few months ago). We're still having ishoos with our DS, who's 19 months now - where does the time go?

He still can't really self-settle (unless you count occasionally falling asleep in our arms when he's really knackered). Well, apparently he does for his childminder but not for us

I still bf him to sleep at bedtime and for naps

Lately he's sort of started sleeping through, but if he does, he wakes early - between 5:30 and 6:30 usually. The last few nights we've had trouble getting him to go to bed in the first place. GAH!

So no ideas but just wanted to let you know we're still struggling too.

BTW DS went through a phase at about 6 months ish when he'd settle in his cot with a bit of a pat. He still woke up every two hours through the night wanting a bf. I don't necessarily think it follows that if they can self-settle, they'll sleep through. At least not with the more, erm, spirited babies like ours

Hi count how nice to hear from you! And how funny we're still here a year down the line. Well, not funny, but you know...

Sorry to hear you're still doing battle with a sleep monster. Gah from me too.

I had a similar issue with DD2 (3rd DC). The other 2 did not self-settle and were fed to sleep so I tried to make sure DD2 could self-settle, which she ended up doing. But she would still wake up at some point and make a massive fuss, and I would end up taking her with us every night as I did need to sleep.

What seemed to have worked was that we went on holiday and my mum went to her instead of me. It took about 3 nights. I think they don't understand why we would want to change the routine, so having a different person do it worked for me.

Brilliant idea playeatsleep, will try when we go up to my mum's if she is willing. I will have to buy her a very big bunch of flowers tho.

We tried sending DP up as this worked with our DD1. Alas, DS is far too attached to daddy and this didn't work in his case.

This also worked for DC 1 and 2 and it was worse as they could only settle by BF. For DD1, it took 1 night, and a few more for DS.

I love my mum :-)