lack of sleep driving me to the edge, help.

[cerealqueen]

DD2 nearly 6 months and wakes 2/3 times a night on average, can be every 2 hours like last night. This is from 7.30pm when we put her down for the evening. Last night she had woken 3 times before 9.15pm and only the breast will soothe her back. The last time I was trying to eat, tried to let her self settle but she was going ballistic so I had to bring her downstairs when she stopped. I know thats not in the textbook but alternative was another half hour trying to breast feed her and another ruined dinner.

I am so, so tired, and in a permanent foul mood now, life holds little joy right now, that coupled with the endless drudgery is driving me to the edge. I snap at DD1 for the slightest thing, then am mortified and end up in tears. I have no enjoyment in motherhood and as much as I love DD2, think I should have stuck with one child. I even feel guilty writing that.
Does it get any better?

Huge sympathies, at that point with my second I was in the GP's surgery sobbing so I know how you feel. In some ways 6 months in can be the worst bit, you have all the accumulated exhaustion from all those months of pregnancy and new baby and haven't had a chance to catch up - you're carrying a MASSIVE sleep debt around with you all the time right now, so it's unsurprising that you feel absolutely rotten. Sleep deprivation on its own can make you depressed, let alone everything else that goes along with a newborn and another one.

Yes it does get better as they get older, and you never take sleep for granted again! For now, is there any way you can possibly get any catching up on sleep time? Can someone take the kids even for an hour in the day?

Oh and ignore whatever you're 'supposed' to do, just do whatever gets you through!

It is awful isn't it? I have no advice on the sleep side given my DD2 did not sleep through for a long time, however, a suggestion.

Could you get her ears checked out? DD2 had recurring ear infections, which were incredibly painful especially when she lay down. Her ears perforated both sides frequently, she spent a lot of time on pain relief. The thing is sometimes ear pain is not so obvious as this, since DD1 also had terrible glue ear but no where near as many ear perforations.

DD2 is now nearly 3 has grommets and sleeps through most nights (finally).

Your DD is still very young, and it will pass. One thing that helped us was co sleeping.

I feel your pain, my DD (now 13 months) was an absolutely awful sleeper until she got to about 9-10 months. As a 6 month old she woke frequently in the night, when she was younger she wouldn't even let me put her down, and I tried so many things. She would wake every two hours or less for what seemed like forever, but in the end she just grew out of it by herself, she then went through a phase of sleeping through which was absolute bliss, now she wakes once a night and currently going through problems with going down at bedtime, but it is alot better than it used to be!

At the end of the day, I think you just have to do whatever it takes to make life easier for the both of you.
I actually used to co-sleep and go to bed with her at 8 every night just to get enough sleep, keeping a bottle in the warmer and one next to it in the bedroom so I didn't have to go anywhere, and a lot of the time had naps with her too! It was ridiculous, but they do grow out of it, and I promise you it gets easier as they get older.

The main thing that got me through was to just keep thinking ahead, "in six months time it will be very different" "In a years' time she'll be a completely different child" etc etc
I still do it now, looking forward to when she's able to talk to me etc and thinking how much easier it will get. It's a nightmare I know, but it won't last forever and you need to keep reminding yourself of that.

Wishing you the best of luck :)

Thanks, we are co-sleeping but I wonder if this just makes things worse as she's got it on tap. She is also an incredibly light sleeper so just moving her wakes her up so Ive never managed to transfer her to her cot. It has never been used, i'm just using it to store laundry.

dotty she seems ok in the day, sleeps in the buggy ....yes, we have got every rod for every back going. We had huge sleep issues with DD1, I swore I'd do better but we have fallen into so many bad habits, I feel such a failure.
Nobody to help, though DP does do weekend mornings so i can get some extra sleep in at weekends. I just want an unbroken nights sleep. I feel so miserable, am a bitch to live with.

We cant really afford DD2 either. DP works for himself and since she was conceived, lost a lot of clients to the recession, people aren't paying him, he is working to get new clients doing marketing but its hard times. I don't have a job to go back to as was made redundant now wonder how i can get part time work that will pay childcare. Sorry, am going off the point and feeling very low about all aspects of life. And it is sodding raining again.

Hi, it is so hard, I remember feeling so low about everything during this time. I got made redundant too. My situation was a little different though as I was commuting into London every day and it was all too much, I was hanging on for the payout.

Lack if sleep is grim. We coped by my doing the weeknights and DH letting me sleep in a different room over the weekends to allow me to catch up with some sleep at least. Eventually it will resolve but it is so tough.

Before DD2 I thought that it was something that I was doing that meant DD1 was such a great sleeper....how wrong I was. I expect that there is no magic formula to this. Another thing my health visitor said was to ensure that DD2 ate enough protein and carbs, and up this did make a bit of difference. Perhaps as you LO starts to eat more solid food things might get better?

Sorry for typos. On iPad

It's the rain. I swear it! It is just depressing and makes everything worse - and if you factor in no sleep then it just makes it even worse. My DD2 (10mo) isn't sleeping well at all. I now know what being exhausted really means. Not just tired but something much more deep down in my bones.

Sorry, I don't have any tips or anything, but lots of sympathy. The way I'm coping with it is:
*going to bed at 8:30
*co-sleeping if DD2 doesn't go back to sleep in her cot immediately after a feed
*getting up at the same time each morning (6am) to do some exercise. The exercise makes me feel human again and gives me a bit of space without children around.
*accepting that life is crap at the moment and I just have to get through this. I just hope that DS and DD1 can forgive me.

YES cam, am constantly apologising to both of them and hoping they don't remember.
Thanks for tips, I think I may have to go to bed when DD2 does. I usually start cooking dinner to try and have some kind of evening and spend time with DP but this may have to go on the back burner ....its the time of day I feel a bit human but the cumulative sleep loss is taking over my life and turning me into a demon. I will certainly try the protein thin when we do wean tho, good thinking! dotty and am with you on the london commute - not enjoying the prospect of that at all if and when i do return to work.
I was toying with the idea of childminding but the way things are, I don't want to be looking after anymore children.
I hate feeling angry and regretting my former freedoms and hankering after some time to myself. I know its all short lived, it just doesn't feel like it.

I remember my DH. He's the elf who does the dishes after I've gone to bed and the lump in the bed I see when I get out to feed DD2. One day I hope to have a proper conversation with him.

Did I add my other coping stratagy - eating. Not good at all. So I'm a fat and shouty mum.

I am casting my mind back a year when DS2 was 6 months and still bfing half the night... yes, it was VERY hard work. You WILL get through it and forget the feelings of resentment too. I absolutely agree with camdancer - you need to forget about having an evening. Eat with DD1 and go to bed very early. Your DP will have to tidy the kitchen etc for a while, if he doesn't already.

I haven't had the problem of 2 hourly wakenings, but have had dc waking repeatedly in the evening and only feeding back to sleep. It got worse and worse and eventually I bit the bullet and did cc. She was only 5 months which most people will say is too early but she clearly needed to sleep, not feed. Imo she was feeding to comfort herself because she was distressed at being so tired.

The problem was solved after less than 1 hour of crying and she now goes into the cot awake and smiling and settles herself. I wake her for a feed around 10 and she wakes around 5 for a feed most nights (sometimes sleeps through).

It has made a huge difference to our whole family. Dcs 1 and 2 now have some quality time with me before bed and I feel much happier knowing it is no longer my job to get dc3 to sleep. It's definitely better for her too, being asleep from 7.30 instead of up and down for 3 or 4 hours. When she wakes and cries I know she's hungry, not just upset because she can't sleep...

camdancer, i could have written what you said myself, my partner is like an elf that tidies the kitchen at night after i have gulped my dinner down in twenty seconds, we never get an evening to sit together and watch tv or chat (he is probably chuffed about this!!). im tired and eating too much to keep going and still overweight.
i hear what you all say about cc but what if they dont stop crying when you go to them or even pick them up they just get hysterical like mine ...

She didn't stop crying when I went to her. Lifting her or trying to calm her made it worse. I just put a hand on her for a few seconds and left because anything else would simply extend the process. It was pretty grim for her and me but I did it because I felt she really needed to be asleep then, but lacked the ability to do it. If she'd still fed to sleep I wouldn't have done it quite so early. I also wouldn't have done it to try and alter her sleep times or stop 'proper' night feeds.

She still loves me, still cries when she needs something (or is just bored!) and is very smiley as she goes into her sleeping bag and cot.

I'm trying the magic sleep thing on Nectarina's post. It is hard 'cos DD2 feeds to sleep and it is hard to break that, but I have to try something. Trouble is that I can't let her cry especially during the night as I don't want her to wake everyone else up, so I just take her into the spare room and feed her.

But something has to give and it can't carry on being me. I never thought I'd do CC but I'm getting nearer and nearer to it.

camdancer and cerealqueen, we did CC with DS (7 and a half months) recently - a mild version with shorter increments of time (more like Jo Tantum's 'spaced soothing'):

We settled him, made sure all was well, then left him for 1 minute (in for c. 30 seconds to check - to stroke his head/replace dummy/reassure him/repeat sleep cue phrase), 2 minutes, check, 3, check, 4, check, then 5, check, and repeated 5 mins thereafter, if necessary.

The longest he was crying (with us going in and out at the specified intervals) was 35 minutes. It was hard, very hard, but he's cried for far longer than that at times when I was feeding him to sleep and trying to resettle him in his cot. We co-slept for ages too but it had just become so uncomfortable for me, I was in pain every day.

We decided to try it once he was over 7 months, having three meals a day plus plenty of breast milk, used to his cot, and used to playing lots and lots of 'peepo!'

So, the first night he woke three times, and it took 35 mins, then 25, then 15. The second night he woke twice, and was settled back to sleep within four minutes. Now he might wake a few times but go back to sleep within a minute - or sleep through the night without a peep!!! This is a baby who would wake up every 60/90 minutes through the night, and used to feed loads, just to get back to sleep.

It has been brilliant, and DS has been happier and more alert ever since (as have we!). His relationship with us hasn't been affected adversely in any way and he is as friendly, smiley and intrepid as ever. And bedtime has become a pleasure - I can read him a story while he smiles at me adorably, sing him a song and leave the room with him relaxed and happy He isn't scared of going to sleep any more.

By the way, when he was teething, I knew immediately that his cry was different (more acute, higher pitched, sharper, louder) to his annoyed shouty "Oi! Mother! Here, now!" cry, so I went to him straight away, gave him medicine, rubbed stuff on his gums, cuddled him etc.

Disclaimer: I know this won't be right for everyone, and some babies won't respond so well. We didn't undertake it lightly DH had to deal with DS and me crying at the same time but I really feel like DS has learnt a skill and it has made him more confident and definitely more rested. In fact he started proper crawling two days later but that could just be a coincidence.

I just wanted to put this out there, because I was SO exhausted and ragged and tearful and edgy, so miserable with fatigue (still have a big sleep debt really but we're working on it!). And I couldn't see how that would ever change: the thought of any kind of CC made me feel horrendously guilty.

But I feel like we made the right decision. Hope this helps.

thanks for the further replies everybody. I know we will have to sleep train - and that it will be hard. but it wil be worth it . I will investigate spaced soothing, Oovoof
In the meantime, I read somewhere on a sleep site about iron and magnesium being good for sleep so I'be been upping my intake of both and I think it might be working a little!? Next week we start weaning so I want to enjoy my final week of snuggly EBF.
cam can you link to that post you mentioned please? thanks!

nectarina's thread

Things were going a bit better with DD2 - well, I had resolved to be a bit firmer - and then she got another cold. I feel dreadful trying to sleep train when she is ill. So I'm dosing her with calpol, putting lots of eucalyptus and olbas oil in the room and hoping she'll get better soon.

cereal enjoy your snuggly week.

Oovoofwelcome I could've written your post! We resorted to CC at 7 no this and it transformed DS in 3 nights with very minimal upset. I'd be a wreck by now if we hadn't done it and although it's not for everyone, it was absolutely right for us. My DS was so much happier once he was sleeping properly!