I know it?s long but I desperately need some advice please. This is a description of my evening yesterday. What would you have done differently?
I have a DS, 2 yrs 5 months, who has an aversion to sleeping and a DD, 7 weeks.
Yesterday, DS woke at 6 as usual. We went to meet friends for coffee at 830 at a cafe where there is a play corner (slide, walkway, house, wall games) for children. DS ate breakfast then played there til just before 10. Came home to and at 10 his ?girlfriend? came to play. We went into the garden (sand pit, swings, slide, roundabout, football, basketball) and they played til just after 1200. Fed both (DD is fully BF) and DS fell asleep at the table. Take him to bed, he magically complains, gets out of bed a couple of times but by 1315 is fast asleep. He sleeps til just gone 3 and wakes up crying (still tired) wants to go to bed, doesn?t want to go to bed, wants food, doesn?t want food, wants to play with train, doesn?t...you get the picture. Eventually at some point past 4 he decides he?s happy again and stops crying and wants to play. I should add that he doesn?t nap every day, maybe once ever 3-4 days.
After dinner, bath/bed routine starts at 7 as usual. He sits on toilet, has bath, teeth brushed, plays a bit with DH in the bathroom, cream, nappy, bed. As he had a nap in the day I wan?t expecting him to go to bed immediately so I let him have two stories. Gets out of bed. Take him back and he wants me to lie down with him, so I do. Five mins later he gets up again. I leave him to it (tell him he can play but he has to stay in his room) and come out to find DH as DD on his shoulder and is telling her she is disgusting...so I go and change her nappy. Put her in her chair and go and try and get DS to go to bed again. Same again, he lies down for a few minutes, then decides to play with Teddy and Lion and gets up again.
By this time, DD needs feeding so I go to the sofa and feed her, DS come and sits next to me with a book and points things out to me. Finish feeding DD, put her in chair and take her into where DH is (on computer). Take DS to bed. As I?m in there, DD starts crying and DH says something along the lines of ?Typical, you?re such great company. Blaaaaaa Waaaa? and starts impersonating a baby crying. Which DS thinks is hilarious and starts to do the same. Then gets up to come and find DD. DH is just putting her in our bedroom saying the problem is she's bored. So he?s going to leave her in the dark in the coldest room in the flat?? I pick her up, she burps and stops crying. Take her to the sofa and sit with her for a bit. Tell DS to go to bed but he comes too. He starts throwing things around so I tell him to go to bed. He starts to cry and then so does DD. Around 9 DH goes into the bedroom with his ipad to watch a film. Put DD on her playmat and take DS to bed. This time he lies down and when I sit next to him he hits me. I tell him he can stay there by himself and walk out. He cries, gets out of bed. I take him back etc etc. It takes me a good half hour to do the washing up etc as every half a minute I?m dodging hits and kicks to take DS back to his bed. In the meantime DD has fallen asleep on her mat.
Around 10 DD wakes up (usual feeding time in the evening), just as DS is calming down. Typical. I take DS to bed and stay with him for a bit, but he just chatters to me. I leave him and get (screaming) DD and me ready for bed. DS starts crying again. DH comes out and lies down with DS, but he of course wants me. I tell him he has to make do with DH as I have to feed the baby. DS pushes DH away so he swears at him and goes back to our room and shuts the door. I decide against feeding DD on the sofa as I don?t want DS running round the flat and go to our bed as normal. DS comes in chattering and starts playing with the things on my bedside table. I tell him off and he climbs into bed between us and starts watching DH?s iPad with him (pointing out cars etc) and DH starts talking him through what?s happening on the screen. Eventually lies down between us and goes to sleep. Sobbing in his sleep obviously, just to make me feel bad! Then at 11 DH takes him to his bed. Comes back, DD has just finished feeding and is dopey, I?m holding her in my arms for 5 mins as she tends to get hiccups when I lie her down straight after a feed.
DH asks me why I?m trying to make DD as spoilt as DS. I explain that I don?t want her to start hiccuping and throwing up if I lie her in bed and she only finished feeding not 5 mins ago hence why I?m still holding her. He says that?s not the point and that I should have left her to cry earlier and not taken her and that she has to learn not to cry just because she?s bored. He then said that what I did to DS was totally unacceptable and he shouldn?t have to explain why. Rolled over and fell asleep.
This is not an uncommon evening, although usually it?s not quite so long and drawn out. (I can usually get him in bed by 930). I am at a loss. I really do not know what to do with DS at bedtime. I seem to spend most of the evening sitting with him in his room hoping he will go to sleep. This means that DD is left with DH and if she?s not asleep and starts to cry then he will just take her and shut her in the bedroom and leave her. Knowing full well that I can?t bring myself to leave her til she stops crying from exhaustion so I end up trying to get the both of them to be quiet. I have, a few times, just taken both into our bed as it?s the only place I can get DS to lie down whilst I can hold DD and try and quieten her. I really don?t want to encourage this, but I don?t know what else to do on the nights when DD is awake when I?m trying to get DS to bed. (She often sleeps in the evening, so it?s not every night)
Am I doing this wrong? Should I just be leaving DD to scream for up to an hour or more whilst I try and get DS into bed. This doesn't sit well with me, but is my judgement clouded by new mother/little baby/guilt because I never did this with DS? How do I get DS to go to and stay in bed or at least in his room?