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Teaching her to self settle...

7 replies

lizzywig · 23/04/2012 08:43

DD is 23.5w/o, we put a bedtime routine in place at 6w/o of bath, change & sleeping bag, story, milk & bed, she has since about 10w/o slept through the night. She has the occassional waking, usually she just chatters to herself and goes back off to sleep (so she can self settle) and if she wakes crying (perhaps once every 3 weeks) then I check/change her nappy and BF her.

About 3 weeks ago she stopped napping in her crib so 2 weeks ago we moved her to her cot and she started napping again. However she is now somewhat reluctant to go to sleep at night. I assume this is just part and parcel of moving to a new room but she doesn't have a problem with naps.

Routine for both is pretty much the same with the exception of bath and nap time. Naps and bedtime are proceeded with a bottle of expressed milk or formula and the rest of the day I BF. At nap time she will usually konk out on my shoulder after the bottle, when I put her in the cot she either wakes up and has a look around and then goes to sleep on her own or she stays asleep. She usually sleeps for 1.5hr sometimes longer. She has 2 naps a day. At bedtime she will have the bottle and then want to be BF, she wanted this when she was in the crib but it was just for a couple of mins and she went down in the same way she I have described for naps. However she now won't let me go. If she falls asleep on me then she wakes up screaming when I put her in her cot, if I put her down awake she cries unconsolably.

So she's either settling into the cot but I'm worried that she's becoming attached to being fed to sleep and I'm planning on probably giving up BF probably around 7 months. The other night DH gave me a break and tried playing her some music but I had to leg it up the stairs because she was in such a state, she'd gone red in the face and even when I picked her up she wouldn't stop crying. She even stopped breathing at one point because she'd got so worked up. She wouldn't stop crying until I BF her and even then she was in too much of a state to actually eat anything. When DH tried doing up her sleeping bag she latched off and got into a right state again, I had to tell him to stop.

I'm starting to think about some kind of sleep training. Overall I don't think we have a huge problem but I'd like her to learn to fall asleep without needing me because it just seems to be getting worse and I don't want it to become a huge problem where we can't put her down at all ever. I think the main thing is that whatever we do I don't want to undo all of the good habits she has learnt. The goal is to be able to put her down awake so for that reason I don't think CIO would work for us. I've read about the gentle retreat and that looks good but I do have some concern that she just will scream. I know the idea is that you pick them up and settle them but in our case she won't settle unless I BF her.

Does anyone have any experience of any other methods?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
fhdl34 · 23/04/2012 09:05

I know you want to get out of feeding her to sleep but whilst you're still doing it have you tried putting her in her grobag before do her last feed? I've heard that stops working eventually and am dreading that day as that's how my DD gets to sleep all the time!

lizzywig · 23/04/2012 09:41

We do put her in her grobag first. Only reason she wasn't the other night was because DH thought that she was so upset because perhaps she needed a nappy change so undid everything whilst she was upset, that's when she's stopped breathing and I BF her, she calmed down, only until DH tried to do her back up.

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Iggly · 24/04/2012 08:12

Can you give her her last feed then put her in a grobag? So that's the last thing you do and you break the feed to sleep habit. You'll have to do it earlier though to avoid waking her and upsetting her so she then won't go down again easily.

Honestly though she sounds like a normal baby - feeding to sleep works especially when they're upset or unsettled with a developmental leap (which there is around now) as it helps them switch off.

Can I ask why you want to stop at 7 months? When you do stop, the bedtime feed will most likely be the last one to go, so I'd not stress too much about making changes now until you get to 6 months and past the big growth spurt around then.

As she gets older you might well find that even if she's not bf to sleep, she'll want rocking etc when teething/ill/going through a developmental leap so try and enjoy it a little when she's young.

My ds stopped feeding to sleep around 7 months but soon started again! So if she stops feeding to sleep naturally, I'd make the break then and not worry so much now. She sounds like a dream baby!

lizzywig · 24/04/2012 08:46

If I'm honest I've not enjoyed breastfeeding, in fact at times it's made me feel quite depressed, for the first 3 months of her life I hated it and I wasn't able to enjoy being a mum. I persisted because I knew it was good for her but to get through it I accepted that we might have to mix feed on the odd occassion which we have done and since that point it became easier. I also decided that I would stop at 6 months and that helped me get through it, now that she's so close to 6 months and I know that there is no way she will want to stop which is why 7 seems more realistic if I can get her to stop feeding to sleep. However I would carry on if she needed it but it does get me down. Sometimes feeding her to sleep I sit there at night just crying, the rest of the time I'm fine, it's not PND I just don't like BF all that much, sometimes it's ok but really I do want to stop. DD has had a bottle at bedtime for as long as I can remember but it's been the last couple of months that she's wanted BF after, with the odd occassion that she won't want it.

I know on the whole we're extremely lucky, I'm not looking to have it all, I'm just trying to think about whether to look at some kind of sleep training in a few weeks. However everything I have read seems more applicable to babies who don't sleep that well and she does. I'm concerned that by upheaving everything she will then not sleep through the night or become a worse sleeper. I just want to find the right method for her but I suspect that it's feeding to sleep....

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AlfieBear87 · 24/04/2012 15:16

Does your lo use a dummy? If so could you either give her a cuddle with her dummy in instead of bf after the bottle, or latch her on for a couple of mins and then switch to dummy whilst she is still in your arms?

I'm also planning on stopping breastfeeding at 6/7 months but get very mixed reactions when I say that to anyone! I just figure he's had the best start he can get but now I want my boobs back and I want my DH to be able to feed him too (i hate expressing).

lizzywig · 24/04/2012 20:38

I've not had much luck with expressing so like you am not that fond of it. I express regulary but it takes me about 4 days to get 7oz Sad. I have a very sad looking stockpile in the freezer! She doesn't have a dummy, initially we didn't want her to have one, but did try her on one when she went through a colicky phase but she refused it point blank. She has taken to sucking her thumb but it's not a regular thing so she doesn't connect it to the whole sucking/comfort sucking thing...

OP posts:
Iggly · 25/04/2012 13:57

I'm sorry to hear you're finding BF unenjoyable :( the first 6 months are the hardest. It does get easier once they're established onto solids.

Perhaps work on dropping one feed at a time. Do try and feed her in a different stage of the bedtime routine and rock her to sleep instead, and see how it goes.

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