Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Staying in room until DS falls asleep... Help!

21 replies

Petrean · 17/04/2012 22:50

I've got into the habit of staying in DS's room until he falls asleep (he's 24 months). When he falls asleep quickly, not a problem, but he's taking longer and longer to fall asleep and if he wakes up in the middle of the night I can be there for hours. He sometimes wakes when I sneak out and it starts all over again.

I'm here now :( how can I break this habit? My Mum says I'm doomed, rod for my own back etc...

OP posts:

Original poster

Petrean · 18/04/2012 01:50

And here I am again.

OP posts:

SlantyBaws · 18/04/2012 02:40

My ds was the same at that age.

I used to tell him I had to go help daddy with dinner and I'd be back in one minute to check on him, and make sure I did go back. Then two minutes, three minutes, four minutes etc until he got used to me not being there and he'd eventually drop off on his own.

Also does he have a favourite cuddly toy to snuggle into? Ds is now 5 and is a must for sleep times

SlantyBaws · 18/04/2012 02:43

I should have said his toy monkey is a must for sleep times!

Original poster

Petrean · 18/04/2012 07:04

Thank you for responding. Did he wait the minute, 2 minutes etc... Or did he scream?

My DS is furious when I leave the room.

OP posts:

tooscary · 18/04/2012 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Petrean · 18/04/2012 07:35

Middle of the night wakes wouldn't last long if I didn't have such a bloody noisy house... I wake him when I try to leave.

I'm going to have to try something it's very frustrating and takes away my whole evening. I wouldn't mind so much if DH could sit with him sometimes but DS only wants me.

OP posts:

Fevrier · 18/04/2012 07:40

We use audio books with our 3 year old and that's after a year spent sitting near by answering him. With I'd started at 2 as it has been a liberation!

xkcdfangirl · 18/04/2012 07:56

We had this when DS was this kind of age - we got into the habit when he was a little baby who just would not sleep, and it takes at least a week of being firm and consistent to break the habit. However, we realised after we had got through the change that it was the very fact of us being in the room that was keeping him awake, and once he was used to falling asleep alone the length of time it took to get there reduced dramatically.

SlantyBaws advice does sound good though I doubt the word "minute" has any meaning for someone this young. We used a baby-whisperer type approach. We would only leave the room for very short periods initially, but when we did go in it was for a maximum of 30 seconds for reassurance and a re-statement of the fact that it is time for sleep, making sure that the visit was not too interesting or stimulating such that it wasn't worth making a fuss in order to get another visit. At first you are going in every 2 minutes, but after a week or so we found usually only 1 or 2 visits was enough to reassure him that we were nearby if needed, and he would fall asleep on his own. He still spends 10-20 minutes awake in the dark quietly (we sometimes can detect him singing twinkle twinkle little star under his breath) but we don't worry about this, it's normal for us to lie awake in bed for the sort of period before drifting off.

SlantyBaws · 18/04/2012 12:40

Oh yes he was very vocal if I wasn't back soon enough! Agree that the word "minute" wouldn't have meant much to him at that age but as long as he could hear me pottering about he was ok.

tooscary · 18/04/2012 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

narmada · 18/04/2012 14:08

We have this issue and DS (18 mos) also wakes multiple times during the evening/ night too (unless he is in bed with us...)

I am currently doing gradual withdrawal with him and it seems to be having some effect - I can now hide my head behind the door and he doesn't complain too much, at least for naps, but bedtime's another matter....

I think you have to prepare for a bit of crying though - you're changing the way they've always done things and that's upsetting for them.

But I'm sure it's worth it!

Original poster

Petrean · 18/04/2012 16:34

Hijacking is definitely allowed! All helpful! We seem to go from one sleep stage and walk straight into another. From stopping with feeding to sleep at 11 months, from stopping cuddling to sleep at 12 months, from sleeping through (70% of the time) at 18 months, from not tap tap tapping to sleep at 20 months and now we need to stop sitting in the room until he's asleep at 24 months! No one tells you this before you become parents wouldn't change it for the world!

OP posts:

Fevrier · 18/04/2012 20:16

Yes tooscary - I have a selection from iTunes on our iPad and he drops off quickly. There's one called The Story Tree which is relaxing and we have paddington and Winnie the pooh, but of course my son is 3 and adores stories.

He started to love listening to them around aged 2 and it was just before he was 2 that he became a bit scared to be alone at bedtime, I literally spent the next year in and out of his doorway, out if all was well and just called back to him, in if he was unwell or recovering etc,,, we did gradual withdrawal a lot!

When I had my next baby he was 2.5 and after that no chance of leaving him and my DH put him to bed a lot and sat in the dark telling him stories and ds fell asleep. Indulgent for both of them! So recently when putting two children to bed alone I just find it quicker to stick a story on and go off as otherwise it wastes my precious time ofF!

Bit of an essay. Sorry!

I used to worry about it a bit but I really don't think it matters much. They get better and better at being alone at bedtime.

puffinnuffin · 18/04/2012 22:31

Just to let you know you are not alone! Going through the same thing with my 2 1/2 year old- haven't tried story tapes yet so will give that ago.

tooscary · 19/04/2012 05:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatronSaintOfDucks · 19/04/2012 08:59

Petrean, my DS is 15 months and I posted here a million times about his atrocious sleep habits. He seems to be turning a corner now, however [runs around hugging trees]. This may not last, but the strategy over the past few weeks has been: While previously DS needed to be rocked to sleep, he was taking longer and longer and my arms could not take it. So I started putting him in the cot, running out of the door, letting him cry for a couple of minutes (he would invariably stand up and start protesting), coming back, giving him a cuddle, going back out, and so on until he fell asleep. At first he would eventually fall asleep in my arms, but then gradually he began to fall asleep in the cot. Now I am at the stage where he falls asleep after the first put down about half the time and needs one extra cuddle the other half. I also give him a couple of books to "read" by himself in bed and it makes a lot of difference. When I leave the room, he first starts crying, but then notices the books and starts playing with them.

None of this was done on purpose. I was just groping in the dark as most of us and this is what came out. I hope the effect will last (every time I post on MN about some success, DS turns into a little monster again! ).

GrossePopel · 20/04/2012 21:04

It's Petrean, I felt like a name change (I name change very few months or so)...

We are trying it this weekend, starting tomorrow. I'm not going to try audiobooks just yet, because I can't see him having any interest in that other than saying 'what's that noise Mummy?' and I don't want to have to wean him off audiobooks in another years time.

We're going to try the Mummy be back in one minute thing with probably a little bit of protestation. Wish us luck!

coulditmaybe · 20/04/2012 21:08

mine are twice that age, and I am still sat in their rooms til they go to sleep, they are wise to the "going to do this" thing now, they follow me out of the room.

One thing that is handy is the leapfrog scout dog, they will wait til the music is finished before they come looking.

GrossePopel · 20/04/2012 21:11

My DS is in a cot so he couldn't follow me even if he wanted to, but actually that's a good point I have to get this cracked before he goes into a bed.

GrossePopel · 20/04/2012 21:12

Oooohhh and we have a Scout. That's a good idea. He sits on a shelf because DS isn't that bothered about him, but I could definitely try. Tell him mummy will be back when the song finishes or something?

coulditmaybe · 20/04/2012 21:14

Ive got to be honest, if there is a way, Ive tried it.

I did have a TV/DVD in there for a while, because at least they would stay in room, but advice here was thats bad for sleep, so I took that away.

Once of them wakes up at 1 every night as well, and comes in my bed, then I cant get them out - and I cant sleep.

Yes crack it now, dont end up like me, I dont have an evening!

Flip