Irrationally(?) terrified of SIDS (Sorry, very long)

[LilBlondePessimist]

My ds3 is 6mths old, is ebf and on solids. He's not a great sleeper - anything between 45min to 2.5hr stints through the night. He sleeps in his cot (in our room) for his first sleep and I always try to put him back in his cot after subsequent feeds, although sometimes he will only settle in my bed. When in his cot I have him in a sleep bag (have a v lightweight one for warm nights, slightly thicker one for cooler nights, and sheet only for v hot night). I always put him on his back, although he now immediately rolls onto his side. He has a mam dummy which he usually takes when I delatch him to put him down. Anyway, my problem is that he has started sometimes sleeping up to 4hrs at a time, but I can't sleep at all for fear that he will stop breathing. I continually get up and touch his face or bend down to check he's still breathing. We stayed at friends a couple of weeks ago and their area is much much colder than outs at night. He was in a portacot with his heavier sleep bag on, and I went to check him after about 90 minutes and he was STONE COLD!! He was lying on his side with his face on the bottom sheet, and when I touched him he didn't move. I panicked and rolled him onto his back and he still didn't flinch! I was so terrified that I shook him, at which point he stirred slightly but was obviously in a very deep sleep, which is most unlike him.

I was scared before this episode but am now utterly horrified that he possibly has the capacity to stop breathing in the night. I can't go on like this as I have two elder children who need my attention, and I am almost getting no sleep at all, making me irritable and lethargic during the day.

Am I being completely irrational? How do I get past this? Unfortunately I have had close experience of SIDS in the past (not my own thankfully), and also been exposed to it a lot through my work, so know only too well the facts/statistics etc. I also know (hope) that I'm doing everything in my power to prevent it, but this isn't helping me any. Does anyone have any advice please?

i was a big worrier too and i found a movement monitor (while no actual guarantee of anything) made me feel a bit better and not stare at baby DS all night/panic and poke him when i woke up.

i just got the angelcare movement and sound one (ac201 model i think?).

it's all ready for worrying about dc2, i did stop using it for DS when he went in his toddler bed at 2.3.

Thanks jaggythistle. How does the monitor work? What for eg, sets it off? I need to do something as I've even started having nightmares when if I do manage to drift off.

there's a wee plate bit with pressure sensors that go under the mattress, it detects tiny movements even breathing.

it alarms after 20 seconds (i think) of no movement. ours only ever went off when DS was bigger and had rolled off and curled up in the corner of the cot!

i found seeing the wee pendulum indicator moving when i woke up at night quite reassuring!

I have bought the same monitor and it's made a huge difference.

DD2 is almost 6m and has been sleeping terribly for the past 7/8 weeks. I realised she was only comfy sleeping on her front but then I panicked about SIDS.

The may lies under the cot mattress (can use with travel cot too) and attaches to monitor unit with a long wire - so you just set up carefully so wire goes under cot so not near baby. If no movement (ie breathing) is detected for 20s then an alarm sounds. It has a green light to show breathing/motion when all ok and you can have a sound 'tic' as well but that would really disturb my sleep so I leave it off. Enough to see the little green light pulsing when I check.

I have the monitor facing my sound monitor so I would hear it on the patient unit downstairs.

Think the Angelcare monitor is vg, reviews show it doesn't have false positives which seem to be a problem with other brands. It's £50 on Amazon at the moment. I'm sure it would reassure you

Are you sure baby is warm enough? Do you know the temperature of your room? Have you felt baby's chest/back to check? How many layers of clothing do you use with the sleeping bag?

Otherwise, I think it would be wise to discuss your fears with the health visitor. Please try not to shake baby, though (don't want to sound patronising, but they are so delicate). You could always pinch the earlobe gently.

The monitor may be an idea to put yourind at rest, though.

Sorry v long reply, thought you might want all the detail!

if you already have a sound monitor, i forgot there is a cheaper movement only one as described by tio :)

i bought mine before DS was born as i knew i would worry!

I understand... no basis but I used to freak out about SIDS too. I agree about Angelcare; I have one and like jaggy says they don't guarantee anything but they work by bleeping when breathing movement stops. Quite sensitive; if I forget to turn off for feeds the alarm sounds within 10secs of taking DD out. They have a flat pad that goes under mattress; requires a stable and flat surface (most cribs/cots should be fine).

Presumably you know SIDS peaks when children start 'sleeping through' because as you say they don't know how to come out of deep sleep cycles or something - it seems to me soothers and BFing lower risk because baby has something to rouse themselves for? Once your baby starts sleeping through more you will hopefully feel 'out of the woods'. When I expressed fears my doctor said it mainly happens in houses where someone smokes.

Best wishes me dear; I'm sure it'll be fine.

OK x-posted and overhyped the reaction time of Angelcare. It felt that quick!!

Thanks all. I would never under any circumstances shake him, but I was in proper panic mode and thought the worst. We live in oz, so when we go to bed it is usually about 24? with the balcony doors open, but by 2-3am it can have dropped to between 12 & 18?. He wears a light sleep suit every night (Except when it was dec/jan as it never went below 28? during the night). I think I will look into the angel care monitor, as it's not only affecting me at night, but plays on me during the day. I worried very much with ds1, less so with ds2, but then my job changed and I saw other things I which seems to have made me worse than with even ds1 now!! DH tries to be understanding but just doesn't grasp the extent of my fear, although has noticed that I am exhausted, pale, grumpy etc.

And neither of us smoke, so that's a positive!

I might be barking up the wrong tree with temperature, but have a read of this re: temperatures and what to wear with sleeping bags: www.babygurgles.co.uk/grobags-buyers-guide-i-18.html

Please do speak to a professional though. They may have other advice, and I'm sure, come across this loads.

I really feel for you.

Thank you for that - I'm pretty sure I'm following the recommendations, albeit not using the actual 'grobag' brand. The one thing that makes it difficult are the extreme fluctuations in temp during sleeping hours - although I do change bags during the night as am awake a lot anyway. I have looked at the monitor, and it is $400 so may need to wait a couple of weeks. I will also work up to speaking to a community health nurse (our version of a hv), but am a bit concerned that they'll think I'm a bit mad as I suffered so badly with pnd with my first two (although am ok this time). Thanks again!

Well, have mentioned the monitor to dh and got a mixed response - he is concerned I am worrying for nothing and that $400 is a bit steep, but I will speak to him properly tomorrow as he is at work till then. Haven't had the nerve to speak to a chn as yet, and night is fast approaching for me. Feelings of dread starting already. It's horrible :(

$400 sounds really expensive? it's about £80 for the sound and movement one here which should be more like $120 unless i have messed up the exchange rate?

maybe they're not distributed over there so hard to get hold of? tommee tippee do a similar one too if that helps? i just got mine through amazon and their price was pretty good.

hope you feel better soon anyway. :)

pg hormones are making me worry more about my 2 1/2 year old, so who knows what I'll be like with number 2 as well!

From what I had understood, SIDS is extremely unlikely to occur after six months of age, isn't it? Consequently, given the fact that your DS is six months, breastfed, sharing a room with you, sleeping on his back and is in a non-smoking household, isn't the risk absolutely miniscule at this point?

Could you maybe try to allay your fears by speaking to a doctor or health visitor, rather than paying out large sums of money?

Jaggy I've only checked babiesrus here and that was the price, but they're out of stock just now. Will check amazon to see. Hopefully the pg hormones will wear off soon and you'll be fine when your littleun comes along :)

Leopard, I realise unfortunately that I'm probably completely irrational - and I know that the risk after six months is vastly reduced, but I have come across a few (through work) after that age, although I think when you come to mention it, the majority of the parents possibly didn't follow all the guidelines (mostly re smoking).

The more I think about it, the more I realise I will probably need to speak to someone about it, as regularly setting your alarm in case you sleep for longer than 2hrs at a time and don't check can't be healthy - I just don't want to be 'labelled'.