10mo will only sleep on me - please help

[camdancer]

I'm at the end of my tether. DD2 (10mo) will only sleep when I'm holding her. Last night went like this:

7:15pm fall asleep on boob, stay asleep in cot with dummy
9:00 wake up. Fed her then she would not go back in cot. Took her into spare room. Would not let me put her down. Would be so asleep her dummy fell out but if I put her down she would go on all 4's then arch her back while crying.
10pm managed to put her down as long as she is sleeping on my arm
11:30 wake again as rolled off my arm. Fed her. Wouldn't stay asleep unless I was holding her sitting up. So prop myself up and try to sleep/doze
1:30 my neck hurts so much so went downstairs to sit on sofa while DD2 sleeps
2:30 go back to bed as DD2 was completely out (lost muscle tone, dummy dropped out, slow even breathing). Woke up immediately as I tried to put her down next to me in spare bed.
3:30 managed to get her to stay asleep while I'm lying down with my arm under her
4am manage to extricate arm but still have arm over her
4:30 finally stays asleep when I'm not touching her
6:30 wake up

There was some feeding in there also but I can't remember when. That was a pretty normal night. Other issues: She has 2 teeth about to pop so had ibuprofen at 7:15pm and calpol at 9:30pm. She is getting over hand, foot and mouth - spots all cleared up now. She has reflux (well controlled by ranitidine) and dairy/soya intolerance. She eats well. Naps are whenever she wants for as long as she wants unless we have to go out when I try to transfer her asleep but she usually wakes up.

So obviously this can't go on. I've got 2 other DC's to look after and I'm not only physically exhausted but also all touched out. I just want some time without someone needing me. DH is great, but works full time and looks after the other DC's during the night - DD1 usually ends up in his bed, but that isn't an issue.

Please help me. I'd rather not leave her to cry, but clearly something has to change. Or do I just suck it up until these teeth come through and she is completely over the hfm?

Personally I dont like leaving dd to cry, I wouldn't do it until she's older and can communicate better (she's 9mo)

I think the first thing u need to do is stop feeding her to sleep. Feed her until she's sleepy but then remove your boob! She prob will cry a little as she will be mad cos she's obv wants it but u need to break the habit, maybe try settling her with her dummy or a cuddle to sleep?

How long roughly does she nap for in the day? U say as long as she wants but maybe this is too long so she's not going into a deep enough sleep in the night?

Also have u saw the gradual withdrawal thread by nectarina?

You'd think as se's number 3 I'd know this!

During the day she'll usually have 2 naps of 45mins and 1.5 hours - give or take 30 mins either way. Yesterday was 30mins and 45mins.

Will try not feeding to sleep.

wow, this sounds like hell. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. What happens if you put your DD in the cot and just sit next to her, without picking her up, but perhaps giving her a kiss and a stroke now and then? I know that she will rage, but for how long? She may drop off after 20-30 minutes of tantruming. I know this is not pleasant, but it may make some difference.

Hand foot and mouth is awful - I'd let her really get over it first. My son had it twice and suffered for a while... Then tackle not feeding to sleep, which probably will make all the diff. So hard sorting sleep out when you have other children I know.

I would try putting her in her cot sleepy and staying next to the cot but not picking her up and just stroking her. She will probably cry but at least your still next to her so she won't feel abandoned.

If I put her in the cot, she just stands up and screams/cries. I guess I just have to be tougher and let her be cross. Eventually she'll lie down again - won't she?

I might wait a couple more days for the hfm to clear though.

When I can manage it with my 8 month old I put her down still awake, pat her back, she sits up crying, keep lying her down and patting back, she rolls around and sits up, leave her a few mins, put on tum, pat back etc and after 10-15 mins she's ready to be patted to sleep. Can you try that when she is properly better. You are not a wimp - there's no point sleep training a still unwell baby.

I mean going back every 2 mins to see if she is ready to be soothed....

Quick update. Last night, she was back to feeding every 2 hours and then letting me put her down as long as I held her hand. So I think the hfm was causing the extreme problems. I'll leave it another couple of days and then work on putting her down awake.

Thanks for your help.

Oh good, I think hfm is pretty horrible for them....