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Sleep

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Original poster

Co-Sleeping, your opinion?

38 replies

babloogirl · 09/04/2012 17:19

Just want some opinions, since my mother told me that I should stop co-sleeping with my daughter as she will never want to sleep in her own bed in the future... I didn't think it was bad, but now I am having doubts.

She is 6 months and has been ebf since birth (we started on solids but that is another story),

when we put her to bed, she goes in her cot in her room, some nights she will wake up 3hrs later some nights 1hr later (then I try to resettle her)
Then around 11pm when she wakes up for her feed, she comes in the bed with me and dh. She is in between the 2 of us, her head is higher than ours and she is on the top of the duvet.

Is co-sleeping really bad for babies?

OP posts:

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choceyes · 09/04/2012 20:00

In answer to your question, I'd say co-sleeping is very good for babies. Small children naturally want to be close to their mother at night, it's basic survival instinct. It is more natural and essential than the parents needing each other at night.
Ofcourse in reality it is not as easy as that, because it does limit the intimacy between the some parents somewhat, and not all parents find it easy to sleep with their babies in their bed.
We are a co-sleeping family and luckily me and DH are still very intimate and our relationship hasn't suffered because of children in the bed. They go to sleep in their bed/cot and DD who is 19 months joins us in our bed when she wakes up during the night and we happily take her to our bed then. We have no intentions of stopping until she is ready. You have to have a DH who is on the same wavelength as you for this to work. My DH loves cuddling our children to sleep. Our intimate time is in the evenings, so we are not missing out on that front.

Co-sleeping is easily one of the best things about being a parent for me.

MumbleMumm · 09/04/2012 20:02

Mosschops30 ha ha ha ha ha!!! 'most' are sleeping through at 6 months.... in which perfect world do you live?!?!?!

mamij · 09/04/2012 20:05

DH and I love co-sleeping with our DDs! I ebf DD1 (now 2.5 years) until 6 months and she co-slept with us until 14 months when we moved homes and she went in her own room. DH still co-sleeps with her when she wakes up in the middle of the night. DD2 (5 months) is also ebf and co-sleeps with us if she won't settle in her cot. She sleeps on the side or between us depending which side I'm feeding on!

I love co-sleeping and the cuddles. They won't stay young forever and by the time you want that extra cuddle, it will be too late. So enjoy while it lasts if it works for you!

MumbleMumm · 09/04/2012 20:05

I co-slept for 2 months from 4-6 months old. We didn't find it worked for us at all. We tried, and we debated our options, but in the end we decided to put her in her own room. It's the best thing we did.... for us.
This does not mean it is the best thing for you though. If it is working for you and your family then continue on, never change something that you are happy with because of your Mother-in-law

choceyes · 09/04/2012 20:06

We have a lindam bed guard. Although as she is older now she sleeps between us too.

mummy2b2011 · 09/04/2012 20:10

mosschops30 Did/do you breastfeed you child(ren)? It seems to me that co-sleeping is one of the best ways to maintain bfeeding longer term, which is why I co-sleep for part of the night. It also feels completely natural to me and removes crying from our nights (apart from when we are going through unavoidable things such as teething).

My DD (9 months) doesn't sleep through, but is absolutely securely attached and a very happy baby. I am meeting her needs by co-sleeping and allowing her to be close to me when she needs to be. To me, not allowing her to be close when she wants to be would go against my instincts- did you never feel like you wanted to cuddle up with your baby?

And, yes-'most' sleeping through at 6 months.... completely ridiculous.

You are, however, entitled to your opinion.

showtunesgirl · 09/04/2012 20:13

Agree with you MumbleMumm. In fact, out of all the mums I've met, I don't know ANY 6 months old that sleep through regularly.

WitchOfEndor · 09/04/2012 20:17

I didn't co-sleep with DS because he didn't really sleep at all for the first six months but I agree that it seems a perfectly natural thing to do and if it works for you then go for it. And stop discussing it with your mum, just smile and nod.

DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 20:20

I think maybe the problem others have with co sleeping is the feeling that people who do co sleep think they are better parents with more secure DC than those who don't. FWIW I bf and love cuddling my DC. However, I also nightweaned with no tears very early and enjoyed unbroken sleep I totally agree that for co sleeping to work long term, both parents need to be in full agreement about doing it or it really isn't fair.

DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 20:21

All the babies I know apart from 2 slept through fairly reliably by 6 months.....

mosschops30 · 09/04/2012 20:23

Like i said (again) just my opinion.

mumble that would be my world. It hasnt been plain sailing, all 3 dcs went into their own room, no major problems but we have had to do CC at one point or another. Of course they would have slept in our bed, and yes it would be easier initially, but the idea of sleeping with a child in my bed for 2 years is hell. All 3 dcs were sleeping 9pm til 6 am from about 3 months. Any blips after that were done with CC.

I didnt bf, but my best friend did, didnt co sleep and fed her dd until she was 2.5

surroundedbyblondes · 09/04/2012 20:30

Like others have said it's so personal. DD1 and DD2 were so different, as were our circumstances when they were small. DD1 went into her own room from the beginning and slept well there. DD2 just never seemed to settle by herself during the nights and DH and I both opted for co-sleeping with her in between us. She settled into her own bed when we moved house and she actually got her own 'proper' bedroom when she was 8 months.

Now 17 months she sleeps mainly in her own bed we will bring her into our bed if she is having a tough night, either teething or nightmares or whatever. Same for her 3 year old sister.

I think whatever works for you is best. You deserve a good night's rest without other people judging you.

RufousBartleby · 09/04/2012 20:36

OP - there is no doubt that some babies sleep better than others and sleep deprivation can be extremely detrimental to your relationship and your work.

We started co-sleeping when DS was 10 months on the advice of some mumsnetters when I was starting to get really desperate. We had tried CC, No cry sleep technique, shush pat etc etc...

If you had asked me whether it was something I would do before I had a baby I would have said absolutely not, but needs must and you know what works best for your family - not your mother!

Our compromise was that we bought a cot bed to go next to our bed so we all have our own space. The one we have is the exact height of our bed and I can reassure DS without being up and down all night and being absolutely shattered. I would definitely recommend this if you want space and not to kick out your DH.

DS sleeps in a cot by himself in the evening (although not necessarily throughout the evening!) and as he gets older is needing less and less reassurance. I am hoping that we can begin to move him in to his own bed.

Six months is still early days too, so I would maybe give yourself a bit more time.

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