Help.....feel like I'm doing everything wrong

[Ponyphysio]

Hoping someone can give me some words of wisdom/pointers here. DS will be 5 weeks on Thursday, our days and nights have neither shape nor make, and the idea of a routine makes me laugh (in between crying :(. He started off EBF, but appeared to be hungry, so we started introducing top-up formula feeds in between. He's still being combination fed, but its almost impossible to get him to take more than 3oz at a time. Now if that meant he slept for 3 hours at a stretch it wouldn't be so bad - but at night he only sleeps for between 20 mins and an hour at a stretch. His only decent sleep is midday - 2pm when he sleeps in his cot in his own room, but I feel he's a bit young to put into his own room at night. Any ideas of how we can try and get a wee bit more structure?? My mum is ill, and is v demanding and its hard to try to schedule visits to her in between feeds, cat naps and just trying to get myself washed!! Thanks

PS: In case you hadn't guessed, this is our PFB

Just bumping in hope of a response

Pony relax, he's only 5 weeks. Don't worry too much about routine yet. I think what we did was start making sure there was a difference between night and day sleeps. Keep him in the light with general household noise - radio, TV etc. during the day for naps and make sure night time is dark and quiet.

As for feeding I've no idea about quantities as my DD was EBF but his tummy will be tiny so it might not fit in any more than the 3oz at a time. He might have been hungry, but might have just been having a growth spurt and feeding more to encourge your supply when you were EBF. There's brilliant advice on the breast and bottle feeding board if you want to get back to EBF (basically feed, feed, feed and trust your body and baby to know what they're doing).
Good luck :) and enjoy your baby.

You are doing great. Don't expect too much in the first few weeks/months. Things just fall into a routine if you just let them. I can't get my 18 month old to take a nap in her own room! Well done you. Don't worry about volumes and quantities as I had a very small baby and even now she can only fit in 6 oz. I used to wonder how others got 9 oz into there's! My DD was EBF until she turned one and has stayed on a 25th centile since 3 months. She was below 0.4th at birth. Take your time and discover your child's likes and dislikes. Like above my DD loved the radio and daytime walks, morning showers and nighttime baths. This can help distinguish between day and night. Sorry your mum is unwell but she was once a new mum and maybe try talking to her to jog her memory of how daunting it can feel to be a new mum. Give yourself a little space and enjoy it as you are doing great. Big hugs.

Thanks so much for yr support and encouragement. I think I find it difficult cos friends tell me about their babies sleeping through from 8 weeks - if mine slept through an episode of corrie at the moment I would be chuffed! In my head I do know it will get better, it's just hard at the moment. I will try and make more of a difference between day and night with him, ESP now he's taking more interest. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply

Arrgh toddler just deleted my message!

Right its really early days still. Babies are all different. Your friends may just have got sleepers or they may be lying.

One of the reasons some babies seem to want milk all the time is that it is a way of keeping you close. They were a part of you until very recently and they don't know that you will come back to them. You have to teach them to trust you by meeting their needs as best you can.

It is recommended that babies have all their naps with you in the same room. This is not just so you can keep an eye on them but also they think that the small noises you make and the tiny changes in air pressure from your breathing keep them going. This is not to worry you just to mean that you don't need to think about his own room yet.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Just concentrate on the priorities and let non essential stuff slide. If people offer, ask them to cook or get you some shopping or put on a wash. Most people love that goody feeling of having helped someone. You will find your feet and work out what suits you and your baby.

(A stretchy wrap is a good way of keeping a baby close and letting them nap when they like, you can even breastfeed in them (search youtube) so you could get out and visit your mum.)

We didn't have even a remotely normal 'rountine' till about 12 weeks. I cried for most of the time and just bimbled round responding to a little person shouting at me all the time. (still do now really if I'm honest ). Don't listen to friends, I've worked out most mummy's are selective about what they tell each other in rl and unless you are really good friends you only hear what they want to tell you. Try and relax a bit and trust your lo to tell you what he needs and you won't go far wrong x

I guess reading gina ford and the baby whisperer when I was pregnant gave me the wrong impression of what to expect/ how to respond. Bet they're like Supernanny and don't even have kids! Thanks for your tips and encouragement

Honestly? I would step away from the baby books until at least 8 weeks especially if you're breastfeeding as it takes about 6 weeks to establish breastfeeding properly and there's a major growth spurt at 6 weeks where you are welded to the baby.

At five weeks, I felt that it was a major achievement if I got dressed during the day so don't worry too much about other stuff!

Ponyphysio I agree baby books kind of give you the impression a routine will happen pretty easily and they'll be sleeping through in no time... I haven't found it like that either!

Hi, I had the same problem a few weeks ago. I think you
Will find that your baby is over tired. My routine goes like this (I actually started this at 6.30pm after a crazy few days when my baby wouldn't be put down):
6.30 bath and feed, swaddle and straight down for a sleep- baby is awake
11.00 wake for a feed if not woken by herself. Again straight down for a sleep
2.30/3.00 usually wakes for a feed herself. Straight down for a sleep
6.30/7.00 usually wakes for a feed if not I wake her up and keep her awake for one hour- singing, looking at black and white images, looking out of the window etc
8.00 down for a sleep awake again
11.00 or when wakes up herself for a feed- straight down after for another sleep
3.00 wakes for a feed
Straight down for a sleep again
6.30 bath, feed and so the cycle continues.

My baby is now 7 weeks old and it is going well, this structure stays the same now even if we have visitors or go out- obviously she will sleep in the pram, crib, cot or chair depending on what I need to do.
I have never been big on routines but with 2 chdren and 2 stepchildren and a baby who never seemed to settle- ihad to do something. I wrote a similar oat to you asking for advice and people told me not to bother with a routine. But I had to try something and I'm glad to say it worked. I manage to get loads done, spend time with my other DC and have quality time with her. She seems more content and settled too.
Good luck

Also people have wildly different definitions of sleeping through. One woman told me her baby had slept through for the first time the previous night (about 3 months old). Turns out she meant the baby had woken several times and she'd got up to settle him but hadn't fed him, so that was sleeping through in her book.