4mo will only nap in our arms or in his pram

[somewherewest]

The title says it all really! We desperately want to get him napping in his cot. He's not bad at dropping off to sleep in the cot at night provided we put him down sleepy, although he usually has a bit of a cry (he does that dropping off in my arms too though), but he just won't go down in the day without a struggle. At the moment we wait for his sleepy cues, pop him in his sleeping bag and into his cot. We then soothe him in the cot and do PUPD if he cries, but its often a massive struggle. It can be a struggle getting him off to sleep in my arms as well, but its usually just 10 minutes rather than 30 (or 40 and counting this morning .

PS Just wanted to add that it has worked occasionally! The very first nap we tried he went down fairly easily and slept for 2 hours. Its all been downhill from there though....

How long have you been doing PUPD for?

I would perservere with it, also are you expecting him to nap too often/too soon?

We've never tried to get him to nap on routine. Up until now I've just looked for the first signs of sleepiness (yawns, eye-rubbing, going a bit spaced), wound him down for a few minutes and then settled him to sleep in my arms. He almost always fusses a little, sometimes crying if he's a little too wound up, but it only takes ten minutes max in my arms, usually just a minute or two. We're now just putting him in the cot at the first sign of sleepiness instead. He's a real live wire and has always found it hard to wind down to sleep during the day, which is how we ended up rocking him to sleep in our arms in the first place. I think that's just him IYKWIM.

We've been doing PUPD for five days - sometimes it works after a lot of crying, sometimes it just ends in an epic meltdown and I just haven't the heart to keep going. He gets utterly hysterical and it breaks my heart (DH thinks its no better than CCing and I'm inclined to agree). Today we had 30 minutes of crying, 30 minutes of insane screaming and another 45 minutes of me just giving in and desperately trying to soothe him in my arms, where he's now finally gone to sleep. I can't keep doing this to him.

5 days isn't long but it sounds as if you're doing PUPD wrong. Pick him up as soon as he is unhappy, don't wait until he's upset or distressed.

If he's been used to napping in your arms for 4 months then it's going to take weeks to change his association.

Try and view it as showing him it's okay and safe to fall asleep on his own.

Could you just put him down to nap in his pram indoors and rock it back and forth a bit til he nods off?

There are advantages to teaching them to nap in the pram - means they are good at napping any place anywhere

Or a sling?

My DS was very similar, he's now 4.5 months and will nap in his cot for 45 mins at a time. its still a bit of a struggle to get him down sometimes tho. He is very active and is never still. I find the best way to get him to sleep is wait 5-10 min after first sleep cue, take him upstairs, put some lullabies on, lay him in his cot, then hold his arms down by his sides (so he doesn't wake himself up by hitting himself in the face), then shush him without looking directly at him! fairly long winded still but we're getting there slowly. we tried pu/pd method once and hated it. he wads just crying himself into exhaustion which in my opinion wasn't helpful and not the way for him to learn how to sleep!

AlfieBear our two sound very similar! I'm hoping it will naturally get easier as he gets older.

He has never liked slings unfortunately. He will sleep well in the pram although he sometimes wakes up if it stops moving. Unfortunately we live in a first floor apartment so can't do the the wheeling him around for a bit and then parking him asleep in the hallway thing.

Could you feed him to sleep lying down on your bed then creep away? Otherwise, if you can't change it could you learn to like it? - Use the time he's asleep in your arms to catch up on crap TV or mumsnet - that's what I do!

Our DS is definatly getting easier as he gets older - either he's learning our cues better or vice versa. he's our first child so it has been a steep learning curve. I tried a few different sleep solution books but just found that trying to force him into a different routine stressed us both out. I've now decided to let him settle in his own routine - he'll sleep through when he's ready :) I guess it'll be a different story when baby number 2 comes along (one day!). good luck!

my dd will only nap on me either in the sling or in my arms after me feeding her to sleep. It's where she wants to be so I go with it. I did the same with ds who is now 3. Do you know what they only have naps for such a short time. Enjoy it while you can because you will miss sleeping cuddles when they're gone.

I used a covered pram with white noise in my first floor flat and now at 8 months am starting to get her to map in te cot - without too much stress.

Prams are a really helpful parenting tool!

My 4 mo only naps on me or in pram unless I put her down asleep in the crib, I usually just stick her in the pram and rock her, my other 2 did this and they both slept fine eventually. It's not worth the stress and they may start to associate the cot with the screaming which could make night time more difficult

PUPD should work in a few days, like CC, if done correctly and consistently. I think because you're giving in, he's getting really mixed messages which is why it's not working. Like another poster said, you shouldn't wait until they are distressed to pick up.

FWIW, my DD never took a nap in her cot until about 9 months - she just wouldn't. I worried about it endlessly (not really sure why now!) and used to put her in her pram inside and jiggle it - so you could still do this in a flat. Every so often I'd try her in the cot and then one day she just went for it. I think she realised that she couldn't roll onto her tummy in the pram and the cot was much bigger and comfier!