Just started CC need quick answers!

[hardboiledpossum]

We have just started CC tonight with DS who is 13 months. So far we have gone in at 4 minutes, the 8 and now at 12. We were going to stick with 12 minute maximum breaks tonight. He seems pretty hysterical. What is the longest in total we should carry on with this tonight, at what point do we decide its getting too much?

DS did 5 hours the first night.

Then 3.5 the second, and then down to half an hour or so for the next few nights and then was sleeping through by the sixth night.

Hated doing it, but needed to do so for my sanity.

Trick is not to interact - although DS always got a kiss as he was placed down again.

And you may need to redo after illness.

Bloody hell don't think I can cope with this for 5 hours! I might give it 30 mins more and if he hasn't fallen asleep I will just go back to stroking him to sleep.

once you've committed to cc you need to stick with it, otherwise it's confusing and they don't know the boundaries. half an hour is not a long time for cc - we got to 4 hours one night but we were desperate

By the time another half hour has gone it will have been an hour in total. Everyone I know who has done it they have never gone longer than 20 minute in total, they must have easy babies!

I just can't listen to him crying his heart out for hours.

It was at least 3 hours on the first night and then it got better until DD understood it was bedtime.

Don't give in, you will make him wonder why you have let him scream for an hour and then given him what he wants.

It will make it harder in the long run.

Oh, and I spent a lot of the time sitting at the bottom of the garden with a stop watch so i couldn't hear her!!

DH had to stay in the house!

If we stop we won't give in completely and pick up we will just go back to gradual retreat and sit in his room.

I agree, giving in will reinforce his thought patterns of how long he needs to do something before you give in.

I've been reading soooo many parenting books that give conflicting advice about this.

But, DS now gets bath, story, bed and I get a few hours of peace. He still doesn't sleep through yet, but settling him is a 2 second, bleary eyed job with a straight back to sleep (barring illness).

Stay with it and MNet with the monitor off/on low.

We live in a small flat so can hear everything. I went to shop to get wine and could hear his screaming 2 houses down anyway!

What other options beside CC have you tried? nCSS? What has been the reason behind suddenly deciding that this is what you need to do?

Trust your instincts, if it feels wrong for you and your baby then maybe you should try something else.

DD is 20mo and has never slept through, I didn't until I was 4, learning to self settle and sleep through is developmental not conditional.

Flame me, bite me, delete me etc but leaving a baby ti cry for four or five hours makes me :( you wouldn't do it during the day, why do it at night?

No one said children were being left to cry for four or five hours.

Parents return every few minutes and then the child may settle for a little while and start up again, the return patter starts again from the beggining.

And I also don't believe the op said she had "suddenly decided to do CC"

We also had to do a small amount of cc during the day with DD2, did no CC with DD1 & DD3. it's not easy but it certainly helped our family back from breaking point & sleep deprevation.

How is he now hardboiled?

Well, DS didn't cry for 5 hours solid. He'd give up for a bit and then set off again.

And I did it because I was losing my marbles.

DS has always woken at 6am, and it was taking us until 9pm to settle him, and he was waking every 45mins-2 hours. DH did his share of night wakings, but both of us work and it was getting to the point where we were unhappy, tired, snappy and resentful of DS. DS was tired, grumpy, and spent a lot of time being uncommunicative due to the tiredness.

I didn't want to do it - I tried all the other options; PUPD, shush-pat and NOTHING worked. CC with timed returns worked within a week, and I'm note at least getting a couple of 4 hour sleep blocks.

But it was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I spent a lot of time in tears after he was asleep.

You decide when it's getting to much when your instincts and heart become stronger than your belief in whichever person told you to do CC.

I'm with slowburner, we've never done CC, DD started sleeping through about 15 months and goes to bed very easily by herself, no tears or anything.

slowburner I feel like we have tried everything. We can settle him in his cot by just stroking him but he still wakes up between 8 and 12 times a night. I had been trying gradual retreat for 2 weeks with no difference. He could self settle from 3 weeks to 7 months then got separation anxiety so we started stroking him to sleep/co sleeping. He does seem to have got over his separation anxiety now so I thought it wouldn't be too cruel?

hardboiled I could have written your post.

Just keep chanting "this too shall pass". Was my mantra.

There is nothing cruel about helping him to learn a good sleep pattern!

I won't be made to feel bad about needing to use CC with DD2, it was really hard but it worked she is 8 now and still tends to be the last one awake and calls down a lot

Your decision, but I though above threads had said that it took three and five hours, my mistake.

A debate about cc or not cc isn't going to help you and to be fair I think your child either will take to it or not. DD can cry for many hours in our arms so cc won't ever work, some evidence that the stress hormone cortisol becomes too high in young babies causing longer term impacts put me off as well. Although I read your LO is older than a year so I am sure you have thought this through.

What are his naps like? Could he be over tired? Is this a way ti get him to sleep at night or a way to resettle each wake up? Some babies just need more reassuring, if it helps then there are some suggestions that bright babies wake more at night, the brain ticking over new skills!

We have just put DD into a very strict routine during the day after being pretty relaxed and we have found it is helping her know what's expected at what time. Nights still a blooming nightmare though!

Thank you very much for all of the replies. I just went in and held his hand while he fell asleep, which took two minutes, as I decided I didn't feel comfortable leaving him for much more than an hour. I'm going to go back to trying gradual retreat for a few more weeks.

If separation anxiety is the problem, why not cosleep?

I'm sorry, but I really don't believe that letting your child cry like that can ever be a good thing. I think you are teaching your child to not bother to cry in bed as no-one will come...

Glad he went to sleep well :) Trust your instincts, you sound a fantastic mother.

slowburner I have read the research on cortisol which is why I did wait until now to try any of the 'harsher' methods. He does have a good routine and I don't think he is overtired, he falls asleep fairly quickly with me sitting next to him. Thanks for you posts.

Sounds about right Little

There is nothing to cry about in bed because it is bed time and everyone wants some well needed sleep.

Glad to hear he has settled hard and I wouldn't count holding his hand as failing CC'ing, I think I must have done a little mix with DD2.

Some patting, hand holding, face stroking and then leave again, it did get easier.

Go and enjoy a well deserved glass of !

Could be a development leap?

If you want to rant about frequent wake ups PM me, I could write a book [buwink]