9 month old sleep

[wanderingalbatross]

Hi all! I need some words of wisdom about my 9mo daughter's sleep! She is breastfed and on 3 solid meals a day, and we co-sleep with a little co-sleeper cot. But, she's on the verge of getting mobile, and so we'd like to get her into her cot and sleeping a bit better, but don't know where to start.

Her typical routine is flexible, but something like
7:30 wake and bf
8:30 breakfast
10:00 bf and nap (30-45 mins)
12:00 lunch
13:00 bf and nap (30-45 mins)
15:00 bf and nap (30-45 mins)
17:00 dinner
18:00 bath and clean pjs, then bf and in bed
22:30 bf
4:00 bf (plus snacking overnight as she's right next to me and helps herself sometimes!)

For naps, she is either fed or cuddled to sleep at home in bed, or falls asleep in her pram when we're out. I cannot get her to sleep any longer than 1 sleep cycle, no matter how hard I try and resettle her. I can count the number of times on one hand that she's slept more than an hour at a time during the day.

At night, she takes ages to settle after bedtime routine, and it's got worse recently (9 month sleep regression? separation anxiety? teething? trying to walk?). She often doesn't drop off to sleep till 9pm ish, and she wakes regularly and needs resettling. Then she wakes loads overnight and needs a cuddle or feed to drop back off again. This is mostly easy due to co-sleeping, but I do want to try and make the transition to getting her to self-settle in her cot as I think it'll make life much easier for everyone.

I've tried leaving her to grizzle/cry a little by herself, but she just gets really really worked up, and we don't want to leave her crying in her cot. Any sort of gradual withdrawal we've done has just led to screaming, even just sitting beside her instead of cuddling :(

So I have no idea what I should be doing! Any thoughts?

You've set up a situation where she is assisted to sleep, so that's what she expects (no-one's fault, just the way it is :)). Gradual withdrawal is one way of tackling this and you will get some screaming as she's cross you're not doing what you normally do, but to get her sleeping independently in a cot on her own, with the ability to self-settle, this is what you'll probably have to persist with (or some other form of sleep training).

A few observations from your routine: ideally, she should be sleeping longer during her naps, partic. the one after lunch. I imagine she's not because she's waking naturally after a sleep cycle and is then unable to self-settle without the breast or intervention from you. It's all linked.

I'd also say the snacking during the night is unnecessary - is she taking a good amount of food during the day? She may not be taking a lot of milk at night, just using you for comfort to get back to sleep, but as they approach a year, IMO, it's good to keep an eye on how much milk they take as it can interfere with solids/nutrition.

9 months is also a tricky time as there is a lot going on, as you've listed above. But with a good routine during the day and a bedtime routine that she's familiar with, it should be possible to get through this without too many scars (for you or her!). Good luck.

Thanks for your reply! I agree that it's a situation we've set up, but we've mostly been happy with things as they are because co-sleeping just makes it all easier to cope with. But now she has surprised us with suddenly wanting to get mobile, so I can see it won't work for much longer :(

Snacking at night is definitely unnecessary as I think she eats plenty of food and milk in the day. Mostly she does it while I'm asleep, and only towards waking up time. I do think she still wants/needs a decent feed at 4am though, but I'd love to cut out the rest of the waking.

She's always had short naps, waking bright eyed and bushy tailed eager to go. So even with intervention from me, she won't sleep longer in the day. But, I keep reading that short naps are a sign of overtiredness, and babies need a longer nap, so I'm not sure what the answer is here.

We've also had the same bedtime routine for months now, and also mostly the same daytime routine since we introduced 3 meals at 6.5 months.

Finally, DH is against any kind of leaving her to cry in her cot sort of sleep training, which gives us limited options!

Sleep training doesn't mean leaving to cry, and I am with your DH on that one! At her age, there are a few things you can try including pick up/put down (a Baby Whisperer method) which involves crying, but you're there the whole time. This might be something to consider - if you do, I'd get your DH to do it as breastfeeding mothers are often too much of a distraction to the baby's senses for it to work effectively!

Short naps during the day don't necessarily mean anything negative - some babies are just like that and if she's happy and alert around those naps, and sleeping well at night, you've probably just got a baby who doesn't need much sleep during the day!

I wouldn't have thought she actually needs a feed at 4am if she's getting enough sustenance during the day. She's probably taking one now because her balance of food day vs. night is such that she does get hungry at 4am. Is she eating protein during the day? My daughter dropped her night feeds at 4 months (she was still having a dream feed at 10pm) and then dropped her DF at 7 months once she was on three meals a day. By 9 months, unless you've got a ravenous child who simply can't eat enough, most are able to go through without a feed (though obviously, lots don't because of their individual routines).

Thanks again, it's interesting to read an outsider's perspective! Especially one who's been through it - most of my friends have similar age babies so we're all a bit unsure of what to do :)

I definitely agree that I wouldn't leave her to cry alone, but DH is against leaving her to cry when we're in the room. He always picks her up and never tries to settle her lying down. I tried pickup/put down last night, as far as I understand how it works, but she just got more and more worked up until she was just in a complete panic. I was trying to pick her up every time she cried, calm her down, and then put her back in the cot. I have suggested that DH get more involved in trying to settle her at night, but I think I'll be more insistent!

Interesting that you say she probably could get through without a 4am feed. I'm feeding her protein in the day, trying to get her used to a balanced diet. I think she eats ok, but then I have no reference.

I was in the wilderness for the first year! It's only with hindsight and experience that things click into place and make sense.

If your DH is against leaving her to cry while you're in the room, you might want to read 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley. Personally, I found her tone annoying and nothing in it worked for me, but each to their own! I have read a few posts on here where people rate it. Generally sleep training is going to involve some protest from your baby, but this doesn't necessarily means she is distressed. Interesting you say that you tried pick up/put down and she got worked up - she could probably smell your breast milk and is so used to getting a feed from you that she was probably getting very frustrated!

If you or your DH picks her up when she cries, she will expect this every time. You don't have to do anything, and she may well grow out of needing to be assisted to sleep, but I wouldn't expect any miracles anytime soon - and you could be in it for the long haul. It's so hard when they're your child, I can't bear the thought of my daughter crying in the night and still rush in the minute I hear her at 2.5! :)

i would prob take it one step at a time like stop the feeding to sleep in the day and just settle her with a cuddle and a rock then a few days later tackle something else, My dd is 8mo and isn't fed to sleep but she I patted in her cot and she will still not sleep more than an hour at nap times, if she's really tired she will buy at night she'll sleep a few cycles, she does tend o snack through the early hours though more between 3-6. the first responder mentioned gradual withdrawal technique which is the next step for me, nectarina has a thread on it called "what worked for us".

Thanks for your replies loveis :) I do have the no-cry sleep solution but I read it when daughter was younger and sleeping ok. Will dig it out again and take a look.

er1507 I think one thing at a time is good advice. I already stopped feeding to sleep at night, and a lot of the day too, so I'm working on not immediately feeding her overnight.

Strangely, she was in a brilliant mood today, is on the verge of cutting another tooth, and actually settled herself to sleep tonight with me just sitting by reading. Let's see if it lasts the night!

Hi,
Don't haveany solutions for you, but wanted to say we are in similar situation, ds mioved to his own room though, as i was hopefulthat it might be as simple as we were waking each other up, things are better but not brilliant. I too have read no cry sleep solution, although have had a cold and need to re read it and re form our plan, as although we are no longer feeding to sleep ds struggles with longer afternoon nap, like your dc, and also wakes during the night, especially between midnight and 6am! I will watch replies with interest.

Hi mrsred :) it's reassuring to hear others are in a similar situation. I haven't dared try and sleep in a separate room yet, but haven't done much in the way of feeding to sleep these past few days, switched to cuddling instead. Next step is to try settling her for naps without cuddling, just with me lying next to her.

The main problem at the moment seems to be teething, I think she's going to cut next teeth in the next few days, so don't want to push anything too hard while that's going on!

So, an update! I decided to tackle daytime naps and have spent the past week resettling DD every time she woke after 45 mins. And, I've been having some success with getting longer naps. In fact, she napped for over 2 hours today which was amazing! She also cut 4 teeth this week too, and in hindsight that was really affecting her sleep.

So, now, DD is sleeping longer in the daytime and doing better overnight. Still waking for a 4am feed, but not waking every hour so I can handle it! The main problem now is bedtime. We do bath and feed at 6pm every day, and then I try to leave her to settle herself in the cot with me sitting beside her. But she can't! She seems to be woken up by the bedtime routine, and then spends the next hour (or two, or three) rolling about giggling to herself, before melting down with exhaustion and finally needing cuddling to sleep. I can't try and cuddle her to sleep earlier in the evening as she just doesn't seem tired and fights sleep. Any ideas for fixing this?!

hiya glad to see your making headway :) the only thing I can think of is maybe if shes still having the same afternoon naps as u put in the op then she might not be tired enough bedtime?

maybe the bath is too exciting? Try bathing her at a different time of day and read some stories together instead?