2 year old upset at bedtime - ADVICE NEEDED

[Girlsville]

Am in need of some good advice please! DD1 is 2.2 years old, and has suddenly become really upset at bedtime (but only with me, not with her daddy or the nanny). After a rocky patch a few months ago she would happily lie down in ehr cot when Iput her down and chat to her bunny until she fell asleep. However, on Thursday night I arrived home from work at 7.15, just as she was about to go to bed. she was obviosuly very excited to see me (I work three days a week and am not home for bed on those days) and then after I put her down she started crying and crying, for the first tiem in ages. It took until 9pm until she settled. I hoped it was a oneoff caused by the excitemenet and unsettling of me appearing before bed, but every nigth since she has been hysterical when I put her in the cot.

Problem is if I stay in the room she then gets excited, jumos up asks to "come otu and go downstairs", but if I leave the room she sobs.

What to do??

We had something similar around that age if DS was missing me more than usual for some reason (I work four days, home by 1730 but god help me if i'm late!), only thing I find works is to give him lots of attention and maybe an extra story.

I tend to think of it as a variation on the nursery drop off tears which NEVER happens if DH drops him off.

Thanks Springforward! I know it is quite common, she doesn't seem at all unsettled during the day , happy confident etc fine to eleft with nanny or nurserybut these things do usually play out at bedtime. Will try extra attention before going into cot tonight, hopefully willwork especiallya s I dont work Mondays so she will now havehad me for four days at home and mybe will feel bit more secure.

Ds went through/is still going through a bit of this.

We thought he was dropping his nap but after a few days experimenting with shorter or no nap gave up on that idea.

Actually think it might be his big teeth. He was never really bothered with teething pain before but the big ones seem to be taking an age.

Also, a little bit of developmental stuff. Their imaginations start to take off at this age and they start recognising fear. Ds needs a light on occassionally now. We laid off the 'scarier' stories for a while.

It's been a few months now but by no means every night and easier to take when you know it probably won't last the week.

Thanks doughnuTty, can I ask what you do when he is like this - leave him to it? Stay with him until hes asleep? Go in and out? Or anything else?

I think it's a developmental age-related thing. My DD has been a dream to settle since very young but now, at the age of 2.5, she is starting to using delaying tactics at bedtime. If she is VERY tired, we have no problems at all, but any slight wakefulness on her part and she has a reason why we can't leave the room or its not time for her to go to bed (the lighter nights have not worked in our favour as she tells us it's still daytime!).

If I think she's genuinely not tired, i will let her have some extra playtime/stories, nothing hyper, just books and jigsaws, but if she is tired, I tell her to think of all the nice things she's going to do tomorrow and that if she doesn't go to sleep, she'll be too tired to do them. It doesn't always work though...

Thans - agree the light nights dnt help, as until th e clocks went bck she would happilychat in the dark toteddies etc , I think she realised it was nighttime. Whereas now she keeps saying comeout cot play when i amin the room. Useful to know that others are going throught the same.
Also wonder if she is sleeping too much in day and is not tired enought at bed - she has a good two hournap every day but I feel she really needs it- will monitor

Ah, thta's a really good point... My DD doesn't have a nap at all during the day, dropped it at 2 and was on 1 hour from about 20 months. I would definitely try cutting the nap if you're having trouble settling.

You'll soon know if it's the wrong decision as she'll get overtired.

Hi all
So we experiemnted withdropping th enap but she cant cope without it. Dd1, now 2.4 is still being horrific with me at bedtime screaming hysterically as soon as i leave the room, whereas for everyone elseshe goes down a treat! I literally dont know what to do with her or what is the best way to deal with it. She is ony crying for me - if its just playing me then i will be strict but if shes generally distrssed i dotn want to do anything to traumatise her. So hard to know what do ! Shes fine as soonas i goback into room to check and comfort her!

Well I'm reading this whilst laid half in and half out of DD's room. She's 2.3 and since she was poorly a couple of months ago this has been the only way to get her to settle. You have my sympathies. Maybe try it this way? I plan to be laid entirely on the landing by June!

I probably will have to try that, problem is when i stay in room she just wants to chat all excitedly to me!
Dont know why she ha sto scream with me and settle without a peep for anyone else ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My DD is 2.2 and has just started to do this too! for about the last 2 weeks.

she is fine and happy whilst having her bath, but as soon as we go to her room to get ready for bed she starts to cry. she tells me that "monsters are coming" or "lions are coming". and she gets very upset when i say goodnight and leave her.

the first night i kept going in to her because it was so unusual for her to do this, she normall goes straight down to sleep. and that first night it took 2 hrs to settle her!

since then i have been leaving her. i go back every 10 mins or so if she is still really sobbing, reassure and then leave.

it is getting better and tonight i only had to put her back in bed once and we ony had about 10 mins of crying.

im putting it down to a new development in her imagination or other such step because it really did seem to come from nowhere. im reassured that other people have gone through a similar thing at this age.

hope things get better for you soon OP

DD has just started doing this. It was really sudden. She used to love going to bed and now she uses delaying tactics every night. She has slept in our bed for the last couple of nights...I'm hoping it will pass soon.

The first night we made the mistake of getting her out of bed to come and sit with us, but now we're just going to pop in and out and keep reassuring her.

Hopefully we'll (including the DCs) all be through this soon.

Thanks ladies - so are you both taking the approach of popping in and out to reassure then leaving again despite tears??

Hi, I'm just going through the same thing. My DD has just turned 2 and for some reason, she just won't sleep in her cot anymore.she's ok at lunch times, but come the evening, it's a nightmare. I'm getting so stressed by it as I don't get an evening to myself at all until gone 9 pm at the earliest. I'm finding it hard being 7 months pregnant too. If I leave it to my husband to put her to sleep, he just puts her in our bed and lies with her till she falls asleep and I feel like I can't be doing that, one with a baby on the way and two, I feel it's better if she does sleep in her own cot.

How can I get her to sleep in her cot again? I'm trying to put her down in her cot, then sit beside her in a chair and tell her stories until she falls asleep. It worked for a few days, but now, as soon as I put her in, she starts crying. I try the cuddles and kisses but usually I end up shouting at her cos I get so frustrated after a hard days work coming home to face this for the evening every night. Then I feel bad and think I'm traumatising her in some way.

Any advice please?

My ds2 screamed blue murder whenever I put him into his cot awake, so I eventually put him into a bed with a barrier, despite dh's argument that it was a bad idea as he'd just get straight out of bed whenever he wanted to. Ds really liked the bed idea cos it's the same as big bro's, and also as it means I can lie and give him a cuddle for a while before I leave him. He doesn't get up, but he does call me in a few times, and often screams when I leave. I try the being in the room but neither carrying you nor lying in your bed until you sleep approach, often sitting reading in the doorway.

Completely understand the frustrated shouting- I feel such a slave to the bedtime thing, but can't get on with letting them cry it out. Am hoping the slowly supporting them in good habits approach will work in the long run!

Good luck!

Hi, thank you Faltadesueno. I think the bed thing might be a good idea so at least I can lie next to her for a while. I'd feel better doing that than having her in our bed. Thank you

We had this with both our DC's. I used to get in the bed for a while, but used the following tactics when I wanted to get away:

• designate one soft toy as a "guardian" to look after the DC (ours was a tiger). Tuck DC up with the toy and give it strict instructions to look after DC.
• We also had the "scary monsters under the bed" issue. I filed an empty spray bottle (window cleaner/shower spray type) with water and lavender oil and made a label for it which read "Scary Monster Repellent". A ritual spraying of this around the room before I left did the trick.

DP is much softer than I am and will bring her into the lounge/living room/sitting room/parlour . But I try and keep her in bed because 5 nights a week I'm here on my own at bedtime so I don't want her to get too used to getting up after going to bed.

She'll cry for us,but when we go in she'll try and start a conversation about anything so I know she's not really upset.

We'll be leaving the sides on her cot until this phase has passed.

Letsjatewin - she sounds just like my dd1. She still is screaming for me but then happy and being cheeky as soon as I go in? Meanwhile for dh and everyone else she is still going down perfectly! Not making a peep when they leave the room and charting happily until she falls asleep.
To say I am at my wits end is an understatement!