Shredded Nerves (long post - sorry)

[ChrissasMissis]

Can anyone give me any advice/support on how to cope with my 10 month old DS and his night waking?

He has always been a terrifically good sleeper and easy to settle. From birth, he virtually always slept through and made it very clear he wasn't interested in night feeds. Wonderful, I thought.

During the day, he naps easily and readily at 10am and 3pm, for about an hour to an hour and a half each time. However, he has now begun to wake during the night. Without exception, this is always at 3am.

If you pick him up, he will stop crying and settle back to sleep in my arms. When I try to put him back into his cot, he wakes up, rolls over, stands up and cries again. I have tried the shush-and-pat method and can (eventually) settle him back to sleep this way, but the moment that I move out of his room, he wakes and cries again.

Things can then go on of two ways: Firstly, he will settle back to sleep, the the whole cycle repeats again about an hour later. Secondly, he will just decide that he is "awake" now and will start trying to play.

Recently, he has cut his first tooth and has also had a long-term cold. I have tried administering the appropriate medicines, but I am not always certain that that is what is required and don't want to "drug" my DS to sleep! Besides, I suspect he views Calpol as a pleasant, sugary snack!

I am also struggling to fight off a long-term cold, have unhappy gallstones and have six weeks left before I return to work. I'm terrified of how I am going to cope, as I'm at my wits end now. During the day, I love my DS more than words can say - he is funny, engaging and gorgeous. But at night, I just want to sob. My DP works, so takes less on the night duty than me, though will help if I'm totally wrung out.

I spend most of the day feeling flat and depressed, because I know that the night is going to be lost and I will get maybe two blocks of two to three-ish hours sleep. I am taking it all out on my DP (who called me a shrew, the other night) and some days, I don't even bother to get washed and dressed. It's just easier to stay in my snotty, food-covered pyjamas than go out and face the world.

I apologise for the length of this post - just writing it all down has helped me order my thoughts on it a little. Can anyone tell me if they have experienced similar? How have you coped? Did it have a detrimental effect on your relationship? Is it worth thinking of the ever-controversial controlled crying?

Sometimes I wish he had been a worse sleeper as a small baby, because at least then I would be used to it.

Help.

No advice - just didn't want to read and run. Sleep deprivation is horrible, horrible, horrible.
My nearly 11mo DD is going through similar, though is waking at least 3 times per night. She's recently got a lot more active - pulling herself up etc - and seems to have lost the ability to self-settle. I just keep telling myself that it has to be a phase, and that she will get over it soon.
She's never been a brilliant sleeper, so perhaps I'm a bit more used to it than you, but I don't think you can completely become used to it. Also I'm back at work, and I have to say it's a struggle when we've had a bad night.

Good luck

This too shall pass. Repeat it over and over.

When they become more mobile they do wake in the night for a while as they move about, or catch their leg in the bars etc. Cold and teething also put a spanner in the works. My advice? I always rubbed bonjela teething gel on my two DCs gums if they woke first and then left the room. Most of the time they both went straight back to sleep then. If they had a cold and woke I would shush/ pat them a little perhaps but try not to pick them up. Unless they were really really ill and then I'd return once they were better to shush/ patting and it would take a few days for them to return to normal sleep habits. Consistency is key really.

I raise the head end of the cot and put karvol on tissues beneath the sheet and obviously calpol if their temperature is raging. Try not to worry about bad habits with a cold. It always throws them tbh and then you will have a few nights until it returns to normal.

Mine still had a feed at 11pm at this age actually. They both dropped it of their own accord a few months later. So I did sometimes give them calpol on my way to bed if I knew they were really ill or teething badly, to try and help them and give me a few more winks Calprofen is meant to be better for teething as it is anti inflammatory and can ease the gums better.

I know this is wearing and you must be so so tired, can your partner take turns at night or get up with the baby first thing to give you some more sleep perhaps? Or can you get an early night?

I need to go, so I hope this makes sense. My two are now age 3 and 4 and sleep so much better. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

DaveyStott - You are so right. Horrible, horrible, horrible is exactly how I feel at the present time. I also feel guilty for not being able to help my DS settle well and for putting my "needs" above his own. We seem to be experiencing similar phases with our DC and it was nice of you to take the time to share your experiences with me. It always helps to know that you aren't alone!

Teandcakeplease - mantra noted! It's so hard to see light at the end of the tunnel when you are in the middle of a sleepless phase, but common sense dictates that he will get better at sleeping again (a small part of me looks forward to the teenage years, when he doesn't want to get out of bed at all...). Thanks for all the advice - my DP and I are trying to formulate a proper plan. I have talked him through the different approaches and we're going to try a two-pronged attack with shush-and-pat - I'm not sure either of us quite have the stomach for CC yet!

If he was a good sleeper before it'll come back. I wouldn't try CC just yet

You definitely aren't alone. I'm worried I came across over negative about the work thing - I too was dreading going back to work before I actually did, and there have been days where I've just wanted to put my head on my desk to sleep, generally (touch every bit of wood around) I've managed ok. At least when you do go back to work, you are completely justified in sharing the wakings with your DP!
DD has just gone off to sleep - I'm heading off to bed too. Rock n Roll

Calpol liberally? Teething can really be hellish even if babies do not show many signs of it during the day. My DS would never be sticking fingers in the mouth much, but managed to cut around 10 teeth in the space of a few months and woke up loads during this time.

this sounds a bit like my DD at 10 months and as I was back at work I would bring her into bed with us for about half an hour and then take her back to her cot. I didn't turn any lights on though, just kept the whole process in the dark and she would then settle happily into her cot and sleep.

OP if he's not waking until 3am could you go to bed at 9pm to get a decent block of sleep? 10 months was a bad time for sleep in this house and early bed was only way to cope! This to shall pass....

Hello to everyone who replied - it is SO appreciated! We are trying shush-and-pat and tonight will be the third night of it. We had two wake-ups before midnight last night (I wonder if it's because he knows when we are going to bed?). I did one and DP did the other (shock!). We had discussed the technique and were both approaching it in the same way. We got a good stretch of sleep from about 11.30pm until 7am this morning, which was really nice! Of course, it could have been the dose of Calprofen...It's hard to tell if his teeth are bothering him, as he doesn't show many outward signs of this. Still, I feel buoyed up and bit less stressed about it now.

Daveystott - I didn't think you were too negative - just realistic! My workplace are pretty supportive - I think I was just worried about DP not helping enough once I go back to work. Am nipping that one in the bud RIGHT now!

Thanks everyone.

That's fantastic

Hopefully things are better now but someone told me that calpol will only help your baby sleep if pain was keeping them awake ie there is no sedative effect. So you shouldn't worry about 'drugging' him to sleep. I'd also go to bed earlier yourself, that way you can get a decent sleep nugget in before the 3am wake up. I find I feel so much better the next day if I've had a 4 hour stretch of sleep compared to a 3 hour stretch.