Safe co-sleeping tips

[SausageSmuggler]

DD is 6 days old and we have a crib in our room for her but the only way she seems to settle and sleep for longer than 5 minutes is with me. Didn't intend on co-sleeping and will keep trying to get her to settle in her crib but while I am I just want to know I'm doing everything I can to keep her safe.

The crib is pushed right against the bed so it serves as a guard. She goes between me and it on top of the duvet. Our bedroom gets quite warm so I just have her in her vest and babygrow which seems to keep her warm enough. I tend to cradle her because I don't really know where to position her but my worry is that she'll move and get smothered by part of me (boobs most likely). Also doing this means I'm in one position for quite a while and get very stiff and a dead arm.

Is there anything else I can do or something I could do differently?

Hi,been there, still doing it sometimes!! we had our baby in between our pillows (we have a huge bed and so when i say between our pillows she was no where near the pillows if you get what i mean). but like you i found myself sleeping with one eye open and a sore arm etc, i ended up buying a proper co-sleeper off amazon. it cost about £100 and is worth its weight in gold. i WISH i had bought it from day one when dd never liked her moses basket!! They just attach to the side of your bed and so they are with you but in their own little space. aLSO when you are breast feeding its lovely not to have to get up at all to pick them up you just roll over and wallop your boob in. cute 6 days old!! mine is 4 months now and those first 2 weeks seem an age ago. congratulations!!

Unicef produced a safe bedsharing leaflet a while ago, but I can't find it now.... but as well as the obvious (no smoking/smokers/pets/alcohol/drugs/siblings in the bed), there were things like no duvets/pillows etc.

You should also make sure the sheets are on fairly tightly, and that your mattress is not too soft without dips. The baby should also never be next to your partner, as they sometimes don't have that instinct that mothers do not to roll on top and smother your baby. For the same reason it is often recommended that only breastfeeding mothers bedshare.

Any gaps between bed and wall/bedguard/cot etc should be stuffed with rolled towels or similar, and the sheet then tucked over them.

Well I tried to follow them to the letter, especially when DD was very little, but really can't sleep without a pillow so I make sure my arm is between her and the pillow, and her head is boob-height, so quite low down.

I then had blankets rather than a duvet, and tuck them under me so they never get higher than my waist, and instead wear layers on my top half (currently a front opening pyjama top, and a fleece with a front zip... now she's bigger (9 months) I have a duvet, but still only up to waist height.

To stop back ache a small folded towel (into a pad) under the lower ribs often helps me!

Ah, right, I think Unicef has replaced their old leaflet with one that is not as helpful. However, I have found the "guidance for professionals" supplement to their current leaflet, which does still have all the info in it.

There is a really good section on bed sharing a few pages in (p15 or thereabouts) www.unicef.org.uk/Documents/Baby_Friendly/Leaflets/HPs_Guide_to_Coping_At_Night_Final.pdf

I wouldn't put her on the duvet, push the duvet down so it only comes up to your waist and isn't near her. You can always share a cotton blanket with her if you are too cold on your top half.

Most mums instinctively sleep in a "C" shape curled around their baby with a leg stopping them from wriggling down and an arm stopping them from wriggling up.

Your boobs are extremely unlikely to smother her, even if they are big. DS used to use one of mine as a pillow I did used to get paranoid that he would get caught up in my pyjamas though so used to sleep with either a fully open top or no top at all. As DS got bigger I worried less about this.

You do get stiff, but as the baby gets bigger you relax more. I found the worst thing was sleeping on my side all night - it's not natural for me, I move around a lot usually. When DS was in with me I was still all night.

Is it possible to convert your crib, or cot/cotbed if you have one already, into a three sided one and push it up against your bed? This is the most practical solution IMO because it gives you more space and if you do want to change sleeping position you can make sure the baby is well within the confines of the cot sides.

I found DS was easily warm enough in a vest and babygrow, in the summer sometimes only one or even neither, and if he did get cold I layered blankets on him. I used to check him almost in my sleep and adjust his covering depending on whether he was hot or cold - difficult to do in a sleeping bag.

The author of Three In A Bed advises not swaddling if you co sleep as it can impair instincts in even the youngest baby to react to danger, ie any kind of obstruction.

When the winter arrived, I bought a cheap single duvet from Primark. DH had the double duvet to himself and I pulled the single one around me. DS slept in his grow bag on either side of me, but because of the separate duvets we were less likely to pull it over him, IYSWIM.

During the summer (when DS was newborn) I found I didn't need covers. Combination of raging hormones and toasty baby kept me warm enough!

Thanks these are really helpful responses. She actually slept in her crib for pretty much all of last night so fingers crossed she'll carry on.