URGENT OPINION AND ADVICE PLEASE!

[roz1982]

I am genuinely unsure of what to do

On wednesday night ds was a bit poorly, think it was a stomach upset, lots of puking and seemed in discomfort, cried his head off, wouldnt sleep, finally fell asleep in dads arms at about 9.30. He usually goes to bed 7-7.30 with a few little pipe ups, dummy back in, shushing etc. he has gone to bed just ine for weeks (hes almost 5 months) Then on thursday might he wouldnt go to bed in his cot on his own again, was still a bit off colour in day, skriked head off untill we brought him down, fell asleep in car seat almost straight away and we transferred him into cot.

Last night again was a complete nightmare, just wouldnt go in cot, worked himself up into really hysterical crying, we tried everything we normally do at bedtime, tried leaving night light on, checked everyhting was ok, wasnt hungry, nappy, teething gel etc, nothing worked, he was a mess. Eventually, downstairs, i had a thought to swaddle him, his arms and legs were all over the place. He immediately calmed down and went to sleep, put him in cot, was a dream for rest of night, two feeds and straight back to sleep again tilf half six.

It is just the weirdest most stressful thing, as soon as you try to lie him down his cot he kicks off wont take his dummy, works up into a complete frenzy. I dont know what to do to correct this....ive gotnan instinctual feeling that it needs correcting and might not right itself for quite a while.

So heres the last bit...i phoned the cry-sis helpline for some advice to see what they had to say. The woman on the other line was insistent that allowing him to fall asleep in dads arms on weds night has started it off, she wasnt judgey, said we did what any parent would do with poorly child, but this was enough to send bedtime haywire. She advised that we use controlled crying to teach him to once again go to sleep on own in cot. She seemed to think this was the right way to go. I questioned her about it, and feel very dubious...the mere thought of doing it made me cry last night!!! Dh has said he will do it and i will have to go out, wont be able to bear it. Does anyone think there is something else we could do first? Is the crysis woman right?? Getting him out and calming his did nothing last night, if anyhting he just ramped up even more, so i dont that shush paypt of pupd would work... I really am desperate for some opiniions/advice?? Thanks x

Sorry for mistakes just read it back last sentance is ridiculous...just couldnt wait to get it on there!!

There is no way in hell I would do controlled crying with a 5 month old. He's still a tiny baby and he's been ill.

I would try the sitting near the cot and doing the shhh and pat thing.

Frankly I think she is talking rubbish! Falling asleep in a parent's arms is natural and lovely and certainly doesn't mean his sleep is ruined unless you do cc. Don't do it if you feel unhappy about it, especially at this young age. He has just been unsettled by being I'll but I bet in a few days time he will be back to himself.

Ill I meant! Stupid phone. If you have found that swaddling works why not just stick with that?

I'd agree with multi that he may settle back into the routine in a few days, and to keep up with the swaddling if it helps.

I will say though that we cuddled DS to sleep until he was one, and then had one week of difficult bedtimes getting him to settle into the cot awake before he adjusted to that being his new routine. So don't worry too much if you get into the routine of him falling alseep in your arms.

Oh no don't worry! Our DD has been through a couple of very mysterious phases of screaming the house down when put in cot after being happy for months to self-settle in cot. It's always sorted itself out after a few days and it sounds like your DS has a genuine excuse - maybe he's still not feeling 100%. I'd suggest a more gradual approach if the clinginess lingers, e.g. Cuddle him but while sitting next to cot, don't bring him downstairs. Then just lie him on lap without rocking stroking etc til he falls asleep. When we reached that stage we could then move to putting DD in cot awake - she was 6 months at that point so your DS has done really well so far and it won't be too hard to get him back on track gently!

Ps pupd and shush-pat never worked for us and CC just made her more cross. In fact when we have occasionally needed a hard line approach, we've actually done CIO! Though actually I'd describe It as grizzle it out, I'd never leave her to scream. Just agreeing with you that pupd etc aren't right for all babies. Sitting quietly with her has been best sleep training tool for us.

Crysis volunteers are trained to just offer CC or gradual retreat advice - but really push CC. They are trying to prevent parents being so desperate that they harm their babies - which in my opinion is possibly the only time when it is right to leave your child to cry - but even then CC was never meant to be used on babies, only toddlers!

So basically - ignore her - she is talking rubbish. Maybe he still isn't well and just wants his mum.

There was no need for controlled crying hurray! Thanks for all your comments...

It was totally fine, i made a much bigger deal of bed time routine, bath, lots of lullabys rocking etc and gave him his bottle in his nursery and he conked out in cot without a peep! Felt v proud of myself. Was very uncomfortable with cc and glad didnt do it x