Feeling really sad about DD1's bedtime (long, sorry!)

[pookamoo]

DD1 is 3.4 and DD2 is 6 months.

They are both tired out and ready for bed by 6.30 each evening. Since the clocks changed it's been a bit later, but they have stll both been down by about 7.30/8pm.

DD2 gets really distressed when she's ready for bed. You have to catch it quick, get her in her PJs and down for a feed (which can be quite a long one at bedtime) and she'll settle till about 11. She sleeps in our room. We co-sleep which works well and no current plans to change it until she is sleeping through. She wakes 2-3 times between 7 and 7. More at the moment because she's teething.

DD1 also gets tired out very quickly, and her usual routine is tea, bath / wash / teeth/ milk and story then sleep. If she's in her bed by about 6.45 she will be asleep by 7 and generally sleep through. If she's not down by 7 she is up and down all evening getting stroppy and grumpy until she settles.

Sorry this is getting long - thanks for reading if you're still with me!

DH is not usually back from work until after 6.30 so more often than not I am doing bedtimes by myself.

BUT: DD1 is almost putting herself to bed at the moment, often in tears, which is really making me sad.

The baby is at an age where she's easily distracted during a feed, so she needs calm and quiet. I get DD1 washed and in her pjs, give her a beaker of milk and a book to look at, and go into the other room to feed the baby. I promise to come and read as soon as the baby is asleep. DD1 pops in and out a couple of times, disturbing her sister, and getting angry at me for leaving her "on her own". I end up putting the baby down (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!), DD1 back in her room where she cries and goes to sleep before I have the chance to go an read her story, give her a cuddle and wind her down for bed.

It's making me so sad, as I think it's a really important time of the day, and as it is, she gets little enough one-to-one time since her sister arrived.

My ideal solution would be for the baby to feed / fall asleep while DD1 is having her story, in DD1's room, then I could put her in the cot, or in our room, and give DD1 a cuddle. But she just won't settle to sleep with DD1 around - she loves her too much, but at the same time she cries because she's tired, and makes it impossible to read a story.

Any suggestions as to how to make bedtime with two a bit less painful? One or other seems doomed to cry themself to sleep. :(

Many thanks (and sorry for mammoth thread!)

Aaah, we have exactly the same problem, although fortunately for us only on the days when DH is home late. You have my sympathies if it is happening every night.

My DD1 is a bit older (she's 4). She has a CD player for nights when there is just one of us for the bedtime routine, and she chooses a CD and puts it on herself, and gets into bed. She sees it as a treat, rather than being deprived of her bedtime story! It's not ideal, I do like reading her a bedtime story, but I cling to the thought that it won't be for ever.

My DS is 2.8 and DD 8mo. I've now reversed bedtimes.
In the gin house we have supper at 5 DD gets a quick topup feed at about 5:45 to see her through bath time at 6pm. DD is then popped into a bouncy chair on our bed with book and mobile whilst I put DS to bed with milk and story. I then have the rest of the evening for DD to feed and settle if needed.

DD sometimes cries through DS' storytime which isnt great, but not always, and now settles much quicker as, I think, the pressures off.

Could you not settle baby a little earlier (say 6pm) while your DD1 listens to story CD. That way, she will still be awake and not too tired once you're ready to read a story?
I have DDs with similar age gap and this works well for us.

Gin's way sounds good but we brought the whole bedtime routine downstairs (bathroom is downstairs which helps. So either DD2 would be in bouncy chair, or feeding while DD1 and I had stories on the sofa. Then we would all go upstairs, DD2 would go in our room with some sort of entertainment and then I would go and settle DD1. Sometimes DD2 would cry a bit but it's only for a short time while kissing dd1 goodnight or singing a quick song.

I had to do it alone pretty much every night too. It wasn't perfect but it generally worked out ok.

Oh I feel for you. I reversed the bedtimes too while DD was that little. I put DS to bed first, and did the stories after about 6.30 whilst bf DD a little bit just to keep her quiet (bloody nightmare tho turning pages, holding DD and cuddling DS). It meant wailing from DD when I put her down to tuck up DS but as soon as DS was in bed I went off to feed her to sleep.

I tried putting DD down first but DS wouldn't leave us alone. I also tried a DVD before bed for DS while I fed DD but that didn't work so well either. But don't worry, you are almost over the worst! You are really not far from being able to do joint stories and bed (it's living the dream ).

Thanks all for your replies.

DD2 is currently taking a massive feed of up to an hour at bed time, which means DD1 could be waiting for who knows how long, if I started with DD2 first.

A CD is a good idea, she might like that, although usually when she puts on a CD it lasts 20 seconds before she wants to change it

I think it's just hard to concentrate on DD1 to put her down after a story if DD2 is crying. She won't stay quietly feeding for a story, either - she's so fussy at bedtime she likes it quiet! I was typing my OP while feeding her earlier, and she kept turning round to hear what the tap tap tapping was!

ipanicked I will look forward to that day!

It is hard. Keep trying new things and you'll find something that works eventually. Could you, say, put DD2 down for a nap at about 5.30/6 and then do the bedtime routine with DD1? I seem to remember that happened accidentally once or twice when DD2 was about that age (she is only 15 months now and it's difficult to remember that time so you really are nearly through it!).

Grab the opportunity of the lighter evenings and get DD1 to want to go to bed later when DH can put her to bed.

We did try a later one today as DH was on a day off. DD1 was "helping" in the garden so I took DD2 up to bed by herself.

Problem was, DD1 was so hyped up by the time she went to bed she took ages to settle!

I remember this so well!
We used to lay the baby in their cot with a mobile and dummy or bouncy chair with a dummy ( sometimes unfortunately screaming:-( ) while we read the toddler her story. Then I would feed the baby their nighttime feed once the toddler was settled.
It was quite nice to get a bit of separate time with each of them.