10-month-old co-sleeping DS going to bed at 11pm

[Marabou]

DS is 10.5 months old and we have been co-sleeping since he was about 3 months. I really enjoy this arrangement and have no plans to change it really. The only problem is, I don't know how to get him to go to sleep in his cot from 7.30pm or 8pm (his usual bedtime) until about 11pm, when DH and I come to sleep.

Before he was crawling I would nurse him to sleep in the family bed and he would then wake up a few times before 11pm and I would have to pop in with the boob to put him back to sleep (admittedly this was doing my head in at the time..). Then until recently I would nurse him to very light sleep sitting on the bed in the dark bedroom with him and then lift him in his cot and he would wake up approximately 3 times before 11pm and everytime I would have to nurse him a bit before he fell asleep again. But for the past week he has absolutely refused to go down and he's been up (standing in his cot) 10-20 times until I finally give up and he comes to the living room until we all go to sleep at 11pm ! He then sleeps until around 9.30am to 10am, which is good, because at least he's getting enough sleep, but surely 11pm is not an appropriate bedtime for a 10-month-old! Also, dad is no good for him at bedtime, due to separation anxiety.

During the day he takes 2 good naps (1 for 1.5-2hrs and the other for 45min-1h), but only in the big bed. This means that I have to sit on the bed working on the laptop and put him back to sleep nursing when he wakes up halfway through the nap (I'm writing this sitting on the bed..). At the moment I don't mind too much, as in a way it gives me a chance to get some work done (I work from home), but of course this is not an ideal long term solution.

Also, in a way the bedtime is not too bad at the moment, as I was thinking to start going to the gym again, if our evenings are going shift to this late. I had previously had to give it up, as DS would not go to bed with DH and I always have to be home at bedtime, which coincided with most of the exercise classes I used to love to take. However, I'm sure this is not a good thing for DS to go to bed this late..

Has anyone else had this and how did they break this pattern? Or is it just another phase that sorts itself out with time?

Just bumping..

Wow, that is late!

Have you maybe thought about waking ds up by 7am and by doing that he'd be tired and ready to sleep by 7pm?

Maybe you could start by gettinghim used to sleeping in his cot during the day? You do need to get to a point when you can be doing something else (even going to the loo!) while he's sleeping and he would be safe in the cot. Also a daytime nap isn't the end of the world if he takes a few goes to get used to it - ie don't panic if he fusses/stands up a gazillion times to start with.
Then maybe progress that to the evening?

Honey I'm going to be blunt - if you want him to go to sleep on his own in his cot you are going to have to teach him how to sleep independently. Up to now he has learnt that he falls asleep on the boob & he sleeps with you. So naturally, when he wakes, he needs the same response from you in order to go back to sleep. And of course this now leaves you with a problem because it's meaning you are tied to being in the room in the evenings.

IMHO the feeding to sleep would need to stop completely (you could still BF at BT so long as he goes down awake so perhaps do the feed before story & brushing teeth). And then I think you would need to use a sleep training method to teach him how to go to sleep independently. If you don't like CC/PUPD/WIWO then you can use a more gentle approach such as GW (gradual withdrawal), whereby you very gradually reduce assistance/contact over a period of time until you are able to pop him down awake & he goes off to sleep by himself. And it may be easier if your OH handles the NW for the first few days since your DS knows he can only get milk from mummy!

I think the toughest bit here is if you continue co-sleeping, because:

a) it will give confusing messages if he is expected to self settle at BT but you co-sleep when he NW's, and he may well struggle with the self settling as a result.
b) it will be very easy to just pop out the boob for him to feed on if he wakes in the night. So I think you would need to be quite determined not to do it.

HTH.x

Oh & I also meant to ask what his daytime routine looks like atm? Because for us, repeated wakings in the first few hours after bedtime were usually a sign of overtiredness. So you might want to post his routine as well - as it could also be partially contributing to the NW's.

x

Hello everyone and many thanks for your replies.

This has to be rather short, as I managed to get DS to go to sleep in his cot at 9.30pm, but I'm afraid it was a short lived joy, as he woke up shortly after and I'm now sat in bedroom with DS sleeping on my lap writing this..

Our routine before this circus started was typically:

4am BF (I usually sleep through this)
7am - 7.30am wake up, change nappy, get dressed, make bed
8.30 or so breakfast
10am - 11.30 nap
12pm - 12.30 lunch
2.30pm - 3.30pm or 4pm nap
4.30 dinner
6.45 bath
7pm or 7.30pm bedtime

During the night he would BF twice, at 11pm and 4am.

I'm not keen on any sort of crying game, so I'm thinking to try and get DS to get used to the cot during daytime naps. Also I really enjoy co-sleeping, but I can of course see why it might be confusing to DS to learn to self settle when he's used to me there:(.. Unfortunately DH is like poison to DS in the evenings at the moment, so am going to have to try do this by myself.

Do you think it might be overtiredness with this routine?