4 month old taking ages to settle - unfair on other DCs. Advice please!

[trio38]

Until last week I could feed dd in the evening and put her down awake, where she would either settle on her own or with the help of some white noise. For the last week she will cry after a few minutes with or without white noise and needs me to feed her to sleep before I can put her down successfully. (And then is likely to wake after 15 mins and need me to go through the whole process again).

It's now taking 1 1/2 hours to get her to sleep which means my other 2 DCs
are pretty much having to put themselves to bed. DH works evenings, as will I when I go back, so long term breast feeding to sleep is not an option.

Her naps are pretty inconsistant (only sleeps if rocked in pram) and only last up to 45 minutes, so she's often tired in the day, but I can't seem to extend them.

At 6 months I will be prepared to do CC if nothing else works, but what can I do now? It's really hard on my other DCs and although they have been pretty good about being ignored at bedtime this week I feel miserable at the thought of doing it for the next 2 months. I have tried leaving DD for up to 5 minutes but she screams hysterically after about 3. I have tried staying in the room with her shush/patting or holding her hand but she gets gradually more and more worked up. What else can I try, or do I need to tell other DCs to put up with it for the next few weeks?

Can you put here in a baby carrier or sling while put the older children to bed? When my dd was that age I would do that if my dd just wanted to be held otherwise I would breastfeed her while reading stories and supervising bathtime. Like your kids DS is capable of putting himself to bed but likes me to read to him first which I could combine with feeding. This worked quite well at four months. Nowadays DD is 11 months I put DS to bed first if DH isn't home and then feed her to sleep which takes half an hour to forty-five mins as opposed to the one and a half hours it would take at four months. Hope this helps.

Thanks primigravida. She used to go down after other 2 dcs, but is frantically tired before they're ready to sleep. The sling is out as I have back problems. I suppose I'm really asking if there's any gentle sleep training methods that you can try on a 4 month old.

I think it's difficult to do much with their sleep at 4m because of the massive growth spurt and sleep regression that they have. Although I think Elizabeth Pantley has some really gentle methods you can use, check out the No Cry Sleep Solution. It does pass though, so you could just do whatever it is she needs until it's passed? DS gets a bit unsettled with growth spurts and sometimes I needed to rock him to sleep, but it wasn't a permanent thing, he went back to self settling once the spurt was over.

Nap wise (and sorry if I'm preaching to the converted here), have you tried watching for her tired signs and putting her down for a nap at the first sign of tiredness? Worked a treat for our nap refusing DS when he was tiny. I never knew that by the time they're yawning and eye rubbing they're overtired and will fight going to sleep and when they do go off they will probably wake after 1 sleep cycle (30-45 mins).

i would keep her up while you put the others to bed, and then do her bedtime,

will she be happy sitting on your lap while you do a story? or playing on the floor while you do pyjamas etc?

sorry, just seen you said she is too tired, althouh IS she if she is taking an hour and a half to get her to sleep?
babies eh!

um, how about if the other 2 get ready for bed earlier. just teeth done, faces washed, PJ's on (while baby is still awake and happy)
then they can stay up and play a while longer

then you feed baby while doing stories etc for them. then you put her to bed after?

Hi, I would just add that I don't think it is unfair on the other children, DS1 had to wait/cope when DS2 was little, but of course when DS1 was little he had all the attention. What is unfair is if you always give one child more attention, but if one has to have a bit for a month or so then it goes back the other way, that is ok IMO.

So don't worry too much about fairness or order of bed and just do whatever makes your life easiest.

As the baby is so young no doubt it will all bloody well change again anyway soon.

If you have no objections to CC why not try it now? In America they recommend in from 4 months.

Or you could settle the baby after the older ones have gone to bed? Could you feed baby whilst reading to older ones?

I had the same issue when I had DS. I just wasn't handling bedtimes very well at all.

I ended up popping him down, cleaning DD's teeth, sticking my head back in (a few shushes etc), reading DD a quick story, another quick (as in 10 second) visit, reading DD another quick story, popping back in, doing lights out etc, popping back in. And I would just cook dinner and do this until he was asleep. Never took more than thirty minutes tops. And then it gradually reduced. If he wasn't crying, or just making general baby noise I wouldn't go back in at all.

It was the only way I could think to do it. And he responded really well. I moved them into the same room when he was 3 months old, and then he would just hang out in the cot while I did stories - and by the time I finished, he would generally be asleep anyway.

But my mother (who is more hard core than I will ever be, so I take most of her advice and reduce it by about 70%) once said to me that a few minutes of crying isn't going to kill anyone. And it's true - very little trauma for all involved.

Looking back on it, it seemed to be a fairly informal and relaxed form of sleep training at the time. And way less stressful on me as it didn't feel like I was sitting out side his door, waiting the prescribed number of minutes until I could go back in - like CC. I was just doing jobs and checking on him as I did so.

hth.

Really feel for you as my dd did this until 5 months - shed feed for 1.5 hours and if I ever unlatched her shed wake....

I have a toddler and pretty much put him to bed first... Sometimes a really early bath together and an hour of stories so she could feeeeeeeeeeed and he would listen but not go to sleep too early.

It was stressful but has passed. Now she is 7 months and reliably goes to bed at least 1.5 hours before him!

It's a really hard patch

Thanks everyone. It's good to be reminded that things can change by themselves. Whenever dds sleep changes for the worse I am convinced it will NEVER improve by itself and so it's a problem I need to solve. Will try to chill out....