Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

5.5 yr old dd2 waking every night - HELP.................................

14 replies

Polgara2 · 01/02/2006 14:03

..............before they cart us off to the funny farm!!!!!!!!! DD2 has never been the greatest sleeper but we had got it down to her waking being the exception rather than the rule iyswim. However, this winter she has been knocked for six by lots of bugs, viruses etc and it has really upset her again. She had tonsillitis over Xmas and had high temps and was delirious, seeing things (hell!). Since then she wakes every night and just won't go off. She absolutely howls (very, very loudly!) and gets soooooooo distraught. Says she's frightened of the dark (yes she has a light in her room), noises, sees things - everything basically. She of course wakes dd1 up as well, and she needs her sleep (don't we all but...). So any suggestions for allaying her fears and getting to drop back off on her own? We are giving in and putting her in our bed just for the sack of sanity and sleep at the moment but know it cant go on. I feel so guilty at leaving her to cry especially when she seems so frightened but its driving us maaaaaaaaad!!

OP posts:

starlover · 01/02/2006 14:05

is she waking up at the same time every night?

how about, setting up a baby monitor? that way she knows you can hear her. OR, set it up the other way round, so that she can hear you and knows you are there if she does wake up.

do you think she is genuinely frightened? or is it habit now and she is doing it on purpose?

Original poster

Polgara2 · 01/02/2006 14:19

No its not the same time it can be anywhere between 12 and 5 ish!! Thats the trouble, I am now finding it hard to decide if she is genuinely frightened or not. Have to say she is an anxious little thing though. She doesn't like being downstairs for too long on her own if I'm upstairs either - has to come and see where I am. Or doesn't like going upstairs to get something out of her room if its dark sort of thing.

OP posts:

starlover · 01/02/2006 14:20

how about asking her what things make her scared? then taking them out of her room.
ask her what might help her not be scared, and implement it...
maybe choosing a special toy or something that will keep her safe at night?

Bugsy2 · 01/02/2006 14:21

My ds (now six) was a monster for night time waking but (touch wood, fingers crossed) I have cracked it.
I sat down and had a long chat with him and explained that him waking up in the night was making me so tired that it was making me very poorly. I explained that I didn't want to do fun things anymore because I was so tired.
I made a sticker chart with him and told him that he would get a small gift after 3 nights he managed to sleep through, then after 4 nights and then 5, then 6 and finally 7.
It wasn't an overnight miracle but gradually it worked. I gave bag loads of praise when he slept through, as well as the sticker and the small gift when it was due.
The other thing I did was to spend 5/10 mins every night before he went to sleep saying in my "soothing night-time" voice that: "We lived in a lovely safe, warm house. Mummy would be in her room all night and I wouldn't let any bad things happen in the house or any monsters or scary things in. That his bed was a warm, cosy place for him to get lots of sleep to help him grow etc etc etc". Every single night I took plenty of time to say this stuff, often repeating it in different ways.
Anyhow, the combination of the two things seemed to work as he has slept through the night for about the last six months.
Good luck.

Original poster

Polgara2 · 01/02/2006 14:31

SL - have tried asking what frightens her but other than the dark or noises she justs keeps repeating I dont know I dont know inbetween hysterical sobs!! Have tried the special toy before, it worked for a bit when she was younger but now she insists that she needs something big to cuddle - ie me or her Dad!!
Bugsy - thanks may try the sticker thing, although have tried similar for her eating with very limited success. Will have that chat too I think.
DH wants to try leaving her to cry it out at the weekend but I am desperately trying to think of something else before then because I know its going to be heartbreaking for me .

OP posts:

hayles · 01/02/2006 14:50

hello, please help me anyone!!! I have a 2 year old who wakes up between 4-5 am and will not return back to sleep, when she wakes i put her back to bed and she screams the house down, i try to persist but thats when it causes more problems because she wakes up my other daughter who is 23 weeks. OH MY GOD.
And then my youngest daughter who is 23 weeks, will not go to sleep by herself in the daytime, she drops off to sleep at night whilst taking her bottle and sleeps all the way through the night, but in the daytime she is an absolute nightmare, she relies on me to rock her to sleep and then when i put her down in her cot she stays asleep for about 5-10 mins then wakes up screaming, which causes her to be tired all day, all she does is winge and cry and its beginning to drive me crazy, and with being tired from my two year old waking me up at 4-5am i'm nearly falling to bits!!! Anyone got any help/advise??

Original poster

Polgara2 · 01/02/2006 20:46

bumping for the late shift

OP posts:

Nixz · 01/02/2006 21:22

DDis also 5 and she is always up in the night 4 or 5 times, she used to get up and pack bags or sometimes she would just cry other times she would just have so much to tell you that she couldnt 'possibly sleep mummy'!!!
Anyway, in the end we did the pasta jar thing, 1 piece of pasta for every night she didnt wake us or get out of bed. We let her paint the pasta and explained it all to her and sat it next to her bed. We made the rewards easy to get for example, if she had 3 pieces of pasta in a row, her friend could come for tea, if she then got a further 3, 2 friends could come for tea and we gradually increased the amount of pasta she needed for a treat. It worked but took a while for her to get the hang of it and we had to be really firm on the treats, no giving in. DD has excema and we always said that this was the reason she was up in the night but it turned out that it was just routine to her after all the years she had done it as otherwise the pasta jar wouldnt have worked iyswim.

Original poster

Polgara2 · 02/02/2006 20:46

Hmm - how long before these reward ideas register do you think? Tried the chat and the sticker idea last night, she liked the idea but it made no difference - she still ended up with me!!! She's not daft - whenever she says she's tired and I say well we know why, she gets all indignant and says well yes but I don't want to talk about it and flounces off!!!! Its a good job she's cute .

OP posts:

puddle · 02/02/2006 20:58

I would try and rule out any physical causes that might be waking her up - so check room is warm enough and she's not getting cold, needs a wee etc. Also think has anything happened that might have upset her recently? Something at school? is she in reception - may be she is finding that hard. They work a lot out in their sleep at this age.

Get rid of anything that might hype her up before bedtime - tv, computers, scary stories etc. Do a really calming and gentle bedtime routine.

I think if she wakes up in the night and you think she is genuinly scared i would treat her like a smaller child ie go in to her but say that you will only stay with her if she's quiet and calms down. Sit next to the bed but don't engage with her. Gradually withdraw over a period of time (a few night) until you are outside the room.

Original poster

Polgara2 · 03/02/2006 12:19

Thank you for all these answers. Any more for any more?

OP posts:

ssd · 03/02/2006 12:33

I was going to start a thread like this but polgara2 beat me to it!!!

My ds2 is nearly 5 and wakes up every night to come into my bed, also he then wakes up early every morning. He's frightened to go upstairs by himself to use the loo, I need to go with him. He's an anxious wee boy!

The only thing that keeps me sane (and going!) is the fact that ds1 was the same and now he ids 7 he sleeps in his own bed every night and gets up between 7.30 and 8am.

I tried the cc and couldn't stick it out, it breaks my heart. Also leaving ds2 to cry isn't an option when he's got a big brother going to school the next day.

IMHO time is the only thing that stops the sleeping problems.

Original poster

Polgara2 · 03/02/2006 19:21

ssd - at least I'm not alone! Did your ds1 just get better gradually on his own or did you have to DO anything? And does that mean he was coming in to you all the time for years? Oh dear I'll be demented by the time she's 7!!!

OP posts:

ssd · 04/02/2006 10:12

Pol, he did come into me for years and I was so knackered I couldn't break this bad habit. It's really over the last year it's improved, ds is just a boy with a load of energy and even now he constantly fights sleep. His wee brother is doing the same and although I said I'd never do it again I'm letting him in too .

Although I think as they get older it's easier to reason with them as they start to understand what you are going on about! After reading another posters words on this thread I thought "I've never actually explained to ds2 that his constant wakening up early is making me feel ill I'm so tired" so yesterday after a 5.36am shot I had a chat with him and said how I felt unwell as I was so tired and it wasn't fair on mummy. So this morning he woke at 6am and dh said to him to go back to sleep and he did till 7.30 which is a miracle in this house! He's really chuffed with himself too.

So we'll keep plugging away and praising him if and when he goes back to sleep!!

Good luck with your kids!

ssd x x x

Flip