Hiya,
Sorry, havent had time to read all threads in detail, but just wanted to jot down what the sleep nurse specialist went through with me last wk to help our 3yr old sleep through the night (she has NEVER done it!! lots of times spent in hospital as a baby, so no surprise really as when she should have learnt self settling, she was being poked & prodded!).
Anyhow, the crux of our problem was how we put DD to bed - we would sit with her for the 5mins it took for her to drop off to sleep (she was Sooooo exhausted it wouldn't take long at all). If we didnt sit with her, she would be up, light on, reading books etc until 9pm, when we'd then still have to go back up & sit with her to get her to sleep. She would then be up & in our room / crying out for us up to 5, 6, or 7 times a night. She shares with older bro, plus we have a 5month old, so something had to change!!
The sleep specialist said that, every time she wakes at night, she is trying to recreate how she went to sleep - you know when you wake up in the night & you've no idea if you've been asleep for 10mins or 8 hours... well, DD was waking at whatever time, and immediately wondering where mummy or daddy were, because they were there when she dropped off to sleep! Also, she has a beaker of milk when she goes to bed, which she used to drink with lights out too.
Sleep nurse said its crucial that she falls asleep at bedtime ON HER OWN. She MUST drink her milk with lights on / during stories. Then its lights off, kiss night night, and me / DH leave room. She did say we could do gradual withdrawal - i.e. sit near her 1st 2 nights, bit further away next 2 nights, even further away next few nights, til we're out the door! BUt this is apparently tricky with a child in a bed because they'll just get out of bed / try and engage you in conversation.
So, we went with option 2 (which works from around your DD's age & onwards) - the reward chart method:
(1) Choose 5 things that you KNOW your DD will do properly / nicely eg brush teeth before bed, get into pyjama's nicely, sit & listen to stories nicely etc etc.
(2) Then the 6th thing is: to fall asleep on your own, in your bed, without mummy or daddy sitting with you.
(3) Give a star on the reward chart for each thing that she does properly, telling her that if she falls asleep on her own, she will get a star on her chart & a treat FIRST THING IN MORNING - we give DD 2 mini chocolate eggs with her morning milk (I know, chocolate before brekkie not ideal, but small price to pay for a good nights sleep!).
(4) IF she gets the hang of falling asleep on her own, when she wakes in the night, you should be able to take her straight back to her bed & leave her there for her to fall asleep on her own.
I was VERY sceptical at first - though DD was never going to buy into the idea of reward charts. However, we've done 3 nights of it so far, she's been pretty darn good at it, and has consequently fallen asleep on her own AND stayed in bed all night long! Miracle!!
Anyhow, not sure if you've tried this method, but its really worth a try - and comes from a sleep specialist nurse who runs a very successful sleep clinic in our city. Its worth a try! The specialist says it should work within 10days so don't give up if its a disaster the first few nights.
Good luck!!!