Am I putting my child to bed too early?

[joanofarchitrave]

OK so ds is finally asleep - at 10pm. His bedtime begins at 7.45pm. He will wake tomorrow at 7am, always does (occasionally 6.45). He's eight. Is his bedtime just too early? He seems too young to leave to regulate himself (and I'm really reluctant tbh to wipe out 'my' adult evening!) Just a phase?

My dd (8 soon) goes up at 7 story and sleep for 720 ish . Gets up 7.30.

that seems very early to me- my dds aged 4 and 6 sleep 8pm -7am (similar to many friends). No way are they ready before then and tbh i want quality time with them before bed and wouldnt get it on my work days as only get in at 5pm!

I have 2 friends whose kids go to bed at 7pm and coincidently they are also the 'worst' sleepers out of our group- waking early and in the night.

If you take him up at 7 and he doesnt settle til 10pm then he clearly isnt ready. i would leave him til 8.45pm and go from there - 7pm for 8yr old seems way too early imo.

my 8 yo goes at 8.30 which is pretty average amongst her friends

it is nice to have your adult evening but you wouldn't send a 12 year old to bed at 8pm -they grow up you know

My 8 yr old Ds goes to bed at 8 and will often read until 10. He gets time without tv and I get time with it.

12 yr old dd goes to bed at 9

What does he do between 7:45 and 10pm?

Both my 8 year old and my 12 year old go up to bed around 8pm give or take (no fixed time, it depends what is happening) but they don't have to sleep then, they have lots of books both home and library and on non-school nights have a hand-held gaming thing.

The 8 year old us usually asleep by 8.45 and the 12 year old by 9.30 although it's not unusual for either to go straight to sleep if they've had a busy day.

My 10 & 8 year olds go to bed at 7.30 and are asleep by 8pm.

They need their sleep.

My 6 year old (nearly 7) has been going to bed at 8 since she was about 4. The twins (19 months) got to bed at 7. All 3 sleep really well and on a weekend dont wake till about 9. On a school day i need to wake them all. I have azy children who love their sleep

All 3 ds used to go to bed early when they were little...never had any problems with them sleeping but now my 9 yr old turns his tv off at 9 and sometimes goes straight to sleep sometimes not....he is still awake now for example and I've been in bed since 10!!
12 yr old ds turns his tv off at 10 and 14 yr old just after that....my kids never have any trouble getting up at 7am for school everyday

My 11 year old(going to be twelve this month) goes to bed at 8

All children are different - but I would still be putting him to bed at the same time, if he wants to read that's fine - there's no need for him to stay up later and take over your evening there's plenty of time for that when he's older.

My 6 and 8 year olds have lights out at 8.30, all that means is that I turn their light down (dimmer) and go downstairs, my adult time starts then. DS(8) rarely goes straight to bed, potters, reads, writes, plays quietly, asleep anywhere between 9 and 10. DD(6) sometimes does the same, but tends to go to bed earlier. They wake between 7 and 7.30. We've always left them to put themselves to bed, I will go up and remonstrate if they are getting livelier rather than quieter or I hear running around, but that is pretty rare.

DD (just 7) goes up to bed at 8pm, plays for 30mins or so, and then lights out at 8:30ish. I can often hear her talking/singing to herself or her teddies until 10pm though. She is up at 7am and is never tired during the day. She just doesn't need much sleep.

The DS's 4 and 5.5 are both in bed by 7:30pm and usually asleep within 10mins. They also both have the occasional afternoon nap.

I would say your DS doesn't need to be going to bed that early, but can be sent upstairs to read/play for an hour until lights out.

Actually I'd forgotten we've moved his bedtime to 8pm in fact.

In theory he is reading, in fact he is reading intermittently and coming downstairs regularly complaining of stomach aches, thirst, leg pains etc. He's afraid of the dark so likes to sleep with the light on. He's never been one of the world's greatest sleepers, not bad but on the shorter side of normal.

I don't know exactly when DS 8 and DD 6 go to sleep. DD goes to bed around 7:30 and I say goodnight to her around 8pm then DS goes to bed and I finish reading to him around 8:30pm. If they got too loud I would intervene but they don't tend to.

I think the answer is to set a time after which you are in adult time and will not be upstairs reading, talking etc and they are not expected to appear downstairs or call out unnecessarily. Give them their kiss and cuddle or whatever and leave them to it.

I aim to get my 7 year old asleep for 8.00 which is in reality 9.00....too late I think but someone said to me that not all kids need 12 hours at this age...plenty are fine on ten.

Our DC's rooms have dimmer switches, my DS is afraid of the dark too. They also go off to sleep listening to music. That is my sanction if they do play up, that their CD player may be removed.

My friend's child bed routine starts with bath at 6, bed at 6:30 and he is dead asleep by 7 pm. Fantastic, she has the evening to herself.

The downside is the child wakes up at 5:30 and sometimes even at 4.30. This is apparently ok as the child can watch television until she is up at 6:30.

Honestly, I much rather send my child to bed later than having him up on his own so early in the morning. If he goes to bed late at least we have some time together, if he is up watching TV on his own at 5 am... what's the point?

The saddest thing of all was that at that time not even child television was on, the poor child was just watching cbebies trailers :-(

My two have never gone to bed early. My DS1 has never needed much sleep - at 8 he was probably going to bed at 8.30pm to 9pm and not going to sleep for at least 45 minutes after that. He goes to bed about 9pm now (aged 11), lights out by 10pm (hopefully) and then asleep within half an hour.

It used to worry me but he doesn't have trouble getting up and really, you can't make them go to sleep. He likes time to himself and we don't hear anything from him once he is upstairs.

DS2 who is 8 goes to bed the same time as DS1 but after reading to him he is asleep within minutes. He clearly isn't such a night owl but he wakes up naturally without the need for an alarm clock.

To me 7.45 or 8pm seems a bit early. I appreciate that 8.30pm might make inroads to your evening but I suppose that is inevitable as they get older. If he is regularly bothering you I would suggest perhaps he isn't ready to go as early as he goes and is either bored or lonely. If you put his bedtime back half an hour, you may find that although you lose some of your adult evening, what you do have isn't being interupted by your DS coming downstairs so much.

Many thanks. I am hypervigilant about ds developing a mental health problem due to DH having one, and was all set to demand a CAMHS referral!! I think moving his bedtime to 8.30 might be a more proportionate reaction

You could always give it a go and if it doesn't work and your DS ends up tired and cranky then move the bedtime back to the old time. At 8 I think he is old enough to understand whatever rules you make about bedtime. Tell him he can stay up longer so long as he doesn't come downstairs again and stays in his room - the ball is in his court if he likes the idea of a later bedtime.

You'd think that once they are passed the baby stage sleep stops being something to worry about but it doesn't seem to be the case, does it?!

Both mine (5 and 8) go to bed at 8pm. They have to stay in their room and not mess about, but I don't freak out if they don't go to sleep - Ds1 is frequently still awake at 1am, reading and fiddling with lego, whereas his brother is generally flaked out at twenty past eight!