5mo only naps on me - please help.

[Nyunya]

Please help me with my 5mo dd's naps.

She is a pretty good sleeper at night: been doing bedtime routine of bath, feed, bed since 2weeks & if she's not virtually asleep when I put her down then I turn the light off & leave my hand on her tummy till she's settled and found her thumb. I can often leave her sucking her thumb and she'll happily drift off on her own. In the night if she wakes she will often find her thumb and put herself back to sleep (I know this because I can hear her 'where's my thumb?' noises and then 'mmmm...mmmm' when she's sucking it till she goes back to sleep). So no major issues at nighttime.

But daytime naps are another matter. She will basically only sleep with a fair amount of intervention from me: she falls asleep on me, feeding or with my finger. Sometimes she'll send herself off with her thumb (not often), but she is yet to do this on her own (without being in my arms or next to me on the bed). She'll also go off in the pram whilst its moving, but this takes longer, and she'll pretty much always go off in the carrier when I'm out for a walk (but at 6.5kg now its starting to hurt my back!) If we're out I have to turn her head in towards my arm to block out visual stimulation so she'll close her eyes and sleep. Once she is off, she will only really stay asleep on me, in the bed with me, in the carrier or as long as the pram is still moving and I don't stop. If she's asleep on me and she stirs and starts crying, I will help her get back off to sleep until she wakes up not crying (am presuming that if she wakes crying she doesn't want to be awake, so needs a bit more sleep.)

This week I decided I wanted to aim for one nap of 30-45 mins in the morning in her cot (I thought this might be realistic, as 30min nap is not long, and when I do try putting her down she'll sometimes sleep for 20 mins in her cot but that's it), then a longer (1-1.5hrs) nap in the bed with me at lunchtime, and then another nap in the afternoon, in the pram or carrier. This morning I fed her, she fell asleep so I transferred her to the cot where she lasted 10 minutes. I then tried settling her in her cot, followed by pu/pd but she just got so distraught and overtired she started crying more when I picked her up, so that didn't work. Am now typing while she sleeps on my lap, she got so overtired there was no way she was going to get to sleep on her own.

She's pretty alert and very interested in life generally which I feel is why I have to work so hard to get her to sleep sometimes: really blocking out all visual stimulation for her. She sometimes will really fight sleep if she thinks something interesting is going on and she's going to miss out.

I don't think she's generally overtired - I'll put her to sleep at the first cue. There have been times when she's got overtired, and then I engineer my day to give her maximum opportunity to sleep so she can catch up.

I just don't know what to do to help her to sleep on her own, she's too young for cc and cio - and I don't want to do these anyway. I just don't know how to go about it without her getting totally overtired and unable to fall asleep. I've been mulling it over for a few weeks and just can't seem to find a solution that feels like it may work. Any ideas? Am I being too ambitious thinking that she would be able to get herself off to sleep?

Thank you for reading down this far, sorry its so long - would massively appreciate some help. I flit between 'this is fine, just go with it' and 'she really needs to learn to sleep on her own sooner or later'.

Goodness I can't think anyone's going to read all this! Thank you if you have!

It's great that she sleeps so well at night - I would rather it be that way round than asleep all day, awake all night!

You know she is capable of self-settling, as she does this at night. I think you can either persevere with what you're doing for naps during the day - dark room, mininum stimulation, shushing/patting etc until she learns to settle - or accept she will get it eventually if you find that too hard. My daughter didn't nap in her cot until she was 9 months old, although admittedly she didn't need me to settle her, she just slept better in her pram. I kept trying her in her cot and then she finally 'got it'.

I would recommend putting her in her cot awake rather than asleep for her naps as this tends to a) help them go into a deeper sleep for longer and b) helps them to self-settle if they do stir as they know where they are. You could also try taking her to her room a good 10/15 mins before her nap and let her wind down so she is really relaxed and peaceful before you put her into her cot. I remember I used to just pop my daughter in and expect her to fall asleep immediately!

Firstly, this will sort so don't worry too much.

Secondly it sounds to me like you have the makings of 2 solutions already - the carrier and the pushchair.

If your DC will sleep in the carrier, let her. Possibly think about investing in a new sling which doesn't hurt your back. I would think about a wrap (moby or similar). DC2 used to sleep for hours tied to me and I could get on with my day (hurrah!). If she wants to sleep on you, using a sling will basically enable that... and there's nothing wrong with that. Sleeping on you now does not mean she'll be doing it when she's 18!

Also DC1 was also great at sleeping out and about in the pushchair so I used that basis and trained him to nap. To begin with I would put his hat and coat on, strap him into his pushchair and he would almost immediately go sleep. Gradually he got used to the idea that a pushchair was somewhere to sleep and so I didn't need to do the whole outdoor clothes charade. And then gradually he got used to sleeping at certain points in the day in his pushchair and do I shifted him from pushchair to cot. By the time he was 18 months or so he was having a 2/3hr nap in bed after lunch. Basically it's small steps but you get there in the end.

I should add that both of my DC are great sleepers now, particularly DC1. I guess I'm just a believer in letting them get to where you need them to be gradually. I could never do the whole putting them in the cot awake to teach them to self settle thing - just didn't work for me. Ultimately I don't think I'm any the worse off for that now. DC1 (4) and DC2 (1) both settle themselves at bed time and in DC1's case during the day - I just got there gradually.

Thank you.

So I think I'll try putting her down awake and see what happens, as you suggest loveisagirl. I have started giving her forehead a rub and singing a particular song at bedtime to try and introduce some cues I might be able to use in the day so I could carry try those too?

I really was a bit of a wreck after her crying this morning and have felt the rest of the day feeling like miserablefailedawfulparentuselessmother. (I tend to go through this cycle of 'must change it'/'its fine' almost daily.) So don't think I can go through any kind of training where I let her cry at all. Eugh. Nasty.

I think my worry (obviously not the only one, being a new mum seems to come with a skipload) is that when she is able to sleep on her own she'll be so used to sleeping with intervention that she won't think she is able. That's why I want to keep seeing if she'll go in the cot for any length of time - every time I try I think it'll work and it doesn't it can get me quite down.

To update: today she napped for about 20 mins in the pram. Woke up when we got home and I joggled her back to sleep but she woke again whenever I stopped. She also fell asleep on me in the garden, I re-settled her after half an hour. After an hour I got up and went to get a drink of water and she slept another hour, which is amazing, really, but presumably by then she was in quite a deep sleep so didn't notice I wasn't there any more.

Lime yes I had a Close Caboo carrier which was agony after about 5 minutes so I have a Beko Gemini now which is just fantastic and so much more supportive of my back, but she's still pretty heavy - though I suppose once she's off I could sit down. Just means that I feel like I spend all day sitting/lying down whilst she sleeps on me (or walking around the village with pram)

Oh my goodness sorry another long post. DH keeps saying that I should stop thinking about it so much, but I just feel....ugh...want a magic answer.

Hi there, I've been having similar issues with my 4 1/2 month old DD and I understand what you're going through!! She's also pretty good at night and usually sleeps in her own cot (except sometimes ends up with us, but thats another issue), but in the day time I've struggled to get her to sleep in there for any length of time. Usually its not much of an issue as I'm out and about in the day and she sleeps in car, buggy or sling. However, the other week when it was pouring with rain and she desperately needed a sleep and the only thing i could do was go for a walk, I thought enough is enough!

Basically what I've been trying to do is have a routine more for going for a nap, like we do at bedtime. I figured this is one of the reasons she goes to bed so well at night is that she is cued into doing so by the routine. But everyday we do something different, so when I put her in the cot she doesn't realise its sleep time (I think?) Now before every nap, we go into her room, close the blind, put her in her sleeping bag and play the same song, whilst I rock her and she sucks on her dummy. If she falling asleep on me I'll put her down, but either way before the end of the song. It doesn't work every time but after a couple of weeks it seems to be beginning to-this afternoon she napped for 45 mins and I actually went in to wake her, I couldn't believe it! Sometimes I will also start the whole thing again if its clear she's not going to sleep but is tired.
so its still work in progress but I'm hopeful we will get there eventually!

Just off out but wanted to reply to you v quickly seasalt Yes I have thought that perhaps a naptime routine for cues would be a good idea. But then I wondered how it would work if we were out! How do you manage naps when out and about - or is it not a problem as you have car/buggy/sling?
Sorry not to write a longer response!

Basically I wing it when we're out! We're often doing stuff in the day that I can walk to (or drive) so she usually gets a chance to sleep on way there and back. She used to be good at carrying on sleeping when getting home, but now seems she wakes quickly, which I'm gutted about as was so useful! she also seems to be taking longer to fall asleep on our walks, which was also why I'm trying to get her used to the cot in the day.

This afternoon's nap is not going well, taking best part of an hour so far and she's still not asleep! I know she must be tired as hardly slept today! She's not crying so just leaving her in the cot and hope she does eventually!

the other thing you could try is having something that smells of you in her cot as she likes to sleep with you? I have a comforter thing that she loves. Her room is also very dark which I think helps (not today obvs!)

its slow progress but being patient and sure these things will sort themselves out in the end. its hard not to over it all the time and mostly its pot luck I'm sure!

I always tried to treat daytime naps the same as nighttime, and somehow, even when I was out, the motion of being in the pram or carseat would guarantee good sleep, so it didn't matter.

They won't all respond the same way but I think the winding down idea is a really good one; it happens naturally during a bedtime routine, but during the day, you're basically asking them to go from a bright room with noise and stimulation into their bed and then to fall asleep. As adults this would take us some time unless we were dog tired.

Finally, I know it's easy to say when it's not happening to you, but please try to think that you will get through this stage. At 9 mos my daughter just started sleeping in her cot of her own accord, and it was SO easy to put her sleep. I would pull the blinds down, put her grobag on, give her a dummy and put her to bed really quietly, just murmuring and soothing. 99% of the time I could shut the door and not hear from her again until she woke up or I went in to wake her. At 5 months I was nowhere near being able to do this. This too shall pass!

Thanks for the reassurance. I know that at this age everything is a phase and its likely to sort itself sooner or later. I have a friend who's dd is similar to mine in this respect (though, admitedly is also a bad night sleeper) and she's getting so het up about sleep and working so hard at trying to teach her dd to sleep. She's started weaning earlier than she'd have liked, and put her onto formula to see if it would help...I really don't want to be like that, I can see myself spending so long dithering about how to go about it that she learns to sleep of her own accord!

Have just spent 20 mins in bedroom with curtains drawn, feeding, winding down etc. Got dd to a state of sleepiness, but not asleep then as soon as I put her down she perked up and gave me a big grin, started kicking her legs and holding out her arms to be picked up. She was pretty sprightly after that. Have now put her in the carrier as you reminded me, loveisagirl, that I have had success with carrying her round for 15 mins or so to wind down and then putting her down in the cot - limelight you're right, I may already have part of the solution!

I think I might take the slowlyslowly approach and introduce some cues as she's falling asleep on me/in the carrier/before I put her in the pram in the day and then hopefully she'll get so used to them I'll be able to transfer these and do them before putting her in the cot in a few weeks. Just need to decide on cues and stick to them now.

Anyway she seems pretty calm now and just yawned twice so may give it another go!

Thanks again for reassurance and advice! seasalt its also good to hear from someone who's in the middle of it all too!

All sounds good. Totally agree on the sleep cues and doing things repetitively. Consistency has always been my good friend and my daughter responds when I do things the same way, over and over.

I too need to teach my dd (7 months just) to nap in cot. She has all the sleep associations with the pram and can fall asleep in there motionless, but how to transfer that to cot without her waking up exactly how your baby did - that's what she does too!

At least I have no problem going out and about with her and naps!

OK so have had some success after I posted yesterday. Carrying her around in the carrier for 15 minutes before her nap worked well as she became really calm. Then I took her into the room, closed the curtains, into her grobag, quick feed, whilst shh-ing patting and stroking her head (the idea being to make some cues that weren't feeding!) and then put her in her cot, still sshhpatting and stroking, she was quite sleepy but not asleep, and then she found her thumb and slept for an hour! Even better, after half an hour I heard her find her thumb again and put herself back to sleep. So I think making sure she actually fell asleep in her cot was the key for us, that and the wind-down time in the carrier!

Realised that I need to do this exact same again quite a bit in the next week, so have done it again this morning, she's only been up there 10 mins but there hasn't been a cry yet hurrah! I know it may not 'work' every time but it gives me confidence that we'll be able to do it more often now. Hopefully will give me some quality MNing cleaning time.

Thanks for all your reassurance and advice! My slowlyslowly plan is then to see if we can (over a number of weeks) ditch the carrier, and wean off the feed, relying on the sshpat and/or a bit of head stroking, and then we can use those out and about/in other people's houses etc. We'll see how it goes.

Fevrier I'm not sure I'm the best one to give advice, but could you try giving your dd some sleep cues before each pram nap (shhpat or a comforter or something) that you do before every pram nap for a few weeks, and then you could try using those cues but whilst she's in the cot and see if they transfer? Feel free to tell me to shut up.

O thanks- she does have a rabbit and White noise but I haven't had the time / energy to settle her because I have a demanding 3 year old! Ahhhh. Another thread perhaps?

And well done by the way

Hey that's great news, well done you! The wind down time sounds great, took me ages to figure that out too. Hope it keep going well.