Can't put 20 week old down to sleep anywhere, don't know how to begin change..

[ThreeNine]

My baby is now 20 weeks and I still can't get her to sleep on her own. She has naps in a sling during the day and sleeps with me at night.

I'm not really desperate to get her out of our bed, but it is uncomfortable for me and lately she seems to make us somehow move across the bed so my poor husband is falling off the edge and she has a load of room on her side. I'm also a bit concerned about how it will work when she can crawl/walk.

I would like to be able to get her to sleep somewhere else during the day. She had a couple of weeks where I could get her to sleep in her pushchair and in a moses basket in the evenings and she was basically self settling. Then she had developmental changes and then we were both ill and it all stopped completely and she would wake the second I put her down asleep and wouldn't even think of self settling.

I'm at a loss as to how to start it all again. Simply putting her down makes her grumble which eventually leads to screaming. I can only rarely feed her to sleep now anyway so I can't always put her down asleep and when I do it doesn't work. I feed her to sleep and spend half an hour sitting with her in the dark and then she wakes the second I put her down and is seemingly wide awake.

Any ideas how to start again anyone?

TIA

Find yourself a quiet day or two when you don't have anything much planned.

With mine I did the pick up and put down method. So I would put them in their basket and when the grumbling turned to crying (but before a big meltdown) I would pick them up give them a cuddle / back pat etc. As soon as they had settled down a bit I would put them down again. The first time it took lots of picking up and putting down but by around the third nap it had got a lot easier. I would use the same phrase each time, for example, "time for sleep now" so they begin to associate that phrase with sleeping.

Your baby doesn't need picking up if they are in their basket babbling to themselves etc only if they are upset. If she is quiet and content in her basket then don't worry.

Its quite usual for most babies to slip back a bit like this, I think for both of mine it was after an illness when they had got used to being cuddled to sleep.

How long would you suggest picking up and putting down for before giving up if she just doesn't sleep? That could go on for hours and the longer she goes without a nap the harder it is to get her to sleep...

I think most things I read suggest that for a nap if the baby isn't settled after about 20-30 mins you are probably not going to get them to settle.

Having said that I think I carried on longer the first time just to get DS1 used to the idea that even if you have a good old grumble you still end up having to have a sleep eventually. It can be a bit of marathon the first few times but its worth persevering. That's why I suggest a couple of quieter days when you are not under pressure and can just focus on this issue a bit.

The thing is if after 30 mins she's just upset and I take her out, should I put her in the sling knowing she'll go straight to sleep or just keep her awake and try in another hour or so?

Quiet days are not a problem, taking her to be weighed is literally the only reason I have to leave the house this week!

I would get on with your day as normal if you take her out. So if after a nap you would put her on the floor with some toys then do that or sit her in a chair and chat/ sing to her.

I assume you are going out and about as some fresh air and daylight is good for you both.

I had similar problems to you concerning daytime naps. My DS would only sleep on me and cried when I put him down anywhere else. I had always brought his moses basket into the living room. This was fine as a newborn when he slept through anything but now he's older (almost 5 months) he needs a dark and quiet room. I decided to start a nap routine (which is very flexible as I'm not at all keen on a schedule) and put him down for a sleep after 1.5-2 hrs of wake time between each nap. He gets up between 6-7am, we play then some time between 8-9 am I put him down for a nap. As I said, I don't keep strict time, I just keep an eye out for signs of tiredness. Then I take him to the bedroom, close the curtains and tell him it's "sleepy time". Then I feed him, read or sing to him and play some soft music. I put him down dozy but awake. I have found that the combination of putting him down in the place he associates with sleep, making sure it's quiet and dimly lit and using a routine have been the biggest helpers in getting him to sleep during the day. He often wakes after 40 mins and I have to go in and help him get back to sleep. Sometimes this works, sometimes not. I often have to pick him up at this point and the old problem of putting him down in the basket reared its ugly head again. Each time I picked him up he would nestle his head in the crook of my arm, snuggle up to my jumper and fall straight to sleep, but the moment I dared to put him down he cried, so I took off my jumper and put it in the basket and he fell straight to sleep!! This has worked for his last few naps. Perhaps you could try it too. Good luck!