cc not working for us

[mummytojames]

please please i need help here my ds is over 2 and not settleing himself to sleep at all he was settleing himself fine with us in the room and sleeping all night till about a month ago now the only way to settle him is stroking his head and then he's waking about 10 - 11 every night then not settleing till gone five in the morning then up at eight fresh as a daisy as you can imagin were not we tried cc when it first started happening but all it was doing was making him sick and after the third time of being violently sick after just being left for two minuites alone we decided we couldnt do it so we had a word with the health visitor she said leave him for five minuites go back settle him and so on so on tried to night but once again with in two minuites he was violently ill which we can tell was not forced this just seems realy cruel but we need him to settle himself on the night wakings because were getting no more than 2 - 3 hours sleep a night
please help all advice welcolm and very grateful

MP's first rule of sleep training: never listen to your health visitor

He's awake from 11-5 every night? What's the problem? Have you tried Calpol to see if that makes a difference? Are all his teeth through? Does he talk, has he given you any idea of what's wrong? Have you offered leaving a light on for him?

thats the thing he dont want anything he dont want a drink dont want to play and the hall light is on every night as a night light for him no temp no cough and apart from normal terrible twos is happy as ever during the day as if he just doesnt need the sleep
he just lies there staring at us as if daring us to fall asleep before him which is impossible his floor is not that comfy to sit never mind lie on

He just stares at you for 6 hours?

What happens when you leave?

if he can get out of his bedroom he will follow us if not because of the travel gate in place as we were told to do he will scream for about 2 minuites throw up everywhere then scream some more because he was sick

does he talk? What does he say?

did anything happen a month ago that freaked him out?

have you asked him if he wants anything in his room to settle him? Toys/music?

he asks if the tv is of we say yes becuse being in a flat he can here the tv if its on and he hates noise at bed time then he asks to sleep in our bed to which we say no hes a big boy now he got to sleep in his own we offer teddies which he throws to the bottom of the bed and just ignors them
about a month ago he had a bad cough which hit hard at nights but the cough has been gone for over three and a half weeks now it only lasted about three nights but it has hit him for six

is it worth trying the gradual withdrawal method instead? So first you stroke his head as usual, then just sit on the edge of the bed touching his arm, then sit on the bed not touching (all the time not interacting with him or making any eye contact) then sit on the floor by the bed, then gradually night after night you end up being able to settle him without being right by him, or even in the room eventually? its about teaching him to be able to feel safe going to sleep by himself. mind you, you say he used to be able to settle himself so maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. you must be out of your mind with tiredness. hope something works for you

Would you be prepared to have him in your bed for a while? If he's still poorly he may just want to be with you (we've done this with dd). And you need your sleep too. Don't worry, teh novelty will wear off - eventually!

mummytojames, your two year old son is dictating to you and your partner/husband as to what sleep you are all going to get. It is not good for any of you to be enduring this kind of arrangement - your son included.
Of course he is going to be mad as hell if you decide that you are now the grown-up and that you are going to ensure that the whole house gets a good night's sleep. Some children can be sick really easily, they scream themselves into an absolute rage and then throw up. You are not forcing him to be sick, he is doing it all by himself.
I think you are nuts to let him call the shots like this & if it were me, I would mop him up, clean up the sick as calmly & quickly as I could & then firmly tell him that it was bed time, everyone was going to sleep & keep doing that until he fell asleep. I've done CC and I'm sure you would probably have this cracked in 3 or 4 nights.

tried the gradual withdraw again hes fine as long as were in the room but we get outside the door were back to sqaure one
maybe i should just let him back in our bed and i sleep in his because i cant sleep in the bed with him and his daddy he forceably kicks me out then streaches out so i cant get back in what i was thinking was changing bedrooms he go in our bedroom and we in his do a total change anybody treid this and does it work oh and im past tiredness now i didnt realise how little sleep i can function on and how much sleep i could get in one stint when he stayed over his grandmothers the one night to give us a break

have you tried taking the gate away and then using rapid return with no talking/eye contact every time he gets out of bed and leaves the room? Maybe it is the feeling of being 'trapped' that is scaring him and that is why he doesnt want you to leave him in the room. He knows when you leave he cant get to you without crying for you.

I never liked the thought of using a gate so we put dd to bed with the door shut and then when we go up to bed we open it slightly so that if dd gets scared/disturbed in the night she can come to us for reassurance and then we put her straight back to bed.

hope you work something out