Please help. 5 year old nighmare settler and early riser.

[springlenner]

DS1 will be 5 next month. He has never slept well and only started to sleep through the night a few months ago . He always had had trouble settling in the evening. And staying asleep. And he is an extremely early riser too.

I have tried literally everything in the books and advice from boards here. Every night is a battle to keep him in bed and I have to sit with him for up to 2 hours until he settles. I have sat with him every evening since he turned 2. I sit by the door, I've tried the supernanny method of moving farther and farther away but it hasn't worked. He is very tenacious and literally wins out every time.

Not only that he is an extremely early riser. Most mornings he's up at 4.45am - 5.30am.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't make much sense. I am so sleep deprived from the early mornings recently I feel like I did when he was a tiny baby ( I won't even go there, he was a nightmare sleepwise then). I hate the fact that I get more and more frustrated with him the more exhausted I get. I try not to get angry ( and usually don't) with him but I work FT, DH is working away and so by the time he's asleep and I've done all my house jobs afterwards, I just crash for a few hours before having to get up with him again.

He has a little brother 18m who has slept 7-7 since about 6 weeks old -- thankfully.

I just would really like some advice on how to help him settle on his own in the evening, although I don't mind sitting with him too much perhaps if he could/would settle alone then he might bne able to settle again at 4.45?

I haven't had more than 6 hours consecutive sleep in nearly 5 years. ( not consistently anyway) Really, this morning, I can't take any more.

And he's such a great boy in every other way. This makes me so resentful towards him and I don't want it to be that way

Bumping... please.... I just reread my post and cried. I feel like I am the only person who had been sleep deprived and exhausted this long....

What's he like the rest of the time - does he become easily anxious?

And what does he say about why he won't settle?

Oh, and you are not alone.

Spring you r not alone! My 5yo twins have only just starting sleeping thro the night and I can count on my (2)! hands the number of full nights sleepI have had since late pregnancy. This has left me totally physically and mentally shredded, to the extent that I have now been suffering a horrible post viral fatigue thingy/endless bug since Xmas. I don't work full time and am open mouthed that u can do this with no sleep or constant interruptions thro the night and still function which you obviously do.

My two do thank the lord go to bed without too much of a prob, altho it hasn't always been so straightforward. We have stuck religiously to a bedtime routine which I think helps, ie supper, bath,story,cuddle and they will now go to sleep alone after a cuddle but we have had to be firm about this in the past.

I have no magic wand but...

Warm relaxing bath with lavender bath stuff from Sainsburys

Eating earlier helps my two ie supper by 5 they eat more so are full and satisfied.

At the age of 5 bribery works, my two get a shiny penny in their jam jar if they stay in bed all night.

We still have a milky drink - but not too late as they will want a wee!

If they are slightly sniffly or blocked up 2.5 of allergeze or similar is better than Calpol.

Check that your child is not borderline asthmatic this can lead (as in our case) to constant panicky waking thro night. We have been given an inhaler and child has a nightly puff before bed to help breathing.

Do u have a chart for good behaviour? This can really work. make sure u reward quickly if child responds to this ie trip to toy shop after first night thro, and then another trip few nights later etc.

can think of anything else but will ponder it.

I think we are suffering the consequences of not ever going down the controlled crying method route - we couldnt bear to do that and always took the softly softly approach, I genuinely think this is better for the children in the long run, but my goodness I have suffered for it!

Thanks for your replies... I've perked up a bit now it's the afternoon so my mind not so blurred as this morning.

I know I'm not alone!! But still, it feels like that sometimes

earlygrey twins!!! argh!! I'm sure they are lovely but I couldn't imagine it.

As regards what we've tried. I think we've done all you mention. He was such a bad sleeper as a little baby we did CC and a routine at 5 months as at that point he'd never slept more than 40 mins at a time. Since then he's had a consistent ( but evolving routine) of bath, PJs, teeth, stories, cuddles and bed. There's no medical issue. Never coughs etc at night. He's had a groclock, reward charts you name it. Literally I've tried everything.

MAC he's not an anxious sort. He basically tells that he doesn't want to sleep because he's not tired --- and wants to sleep in my bed with me.If I'm up he thinks he should be up and if he's up he thinks I should be up
It's cute that he wants to be with me and talk with me all the time but it's exhausting.

And you know what, I don't even mind the evenings, taking a long time to settle. It's the early mornings... I just can't function from 4.30-5am.

Sorry I think that was a rant.... I'm going to move his bedtime till later tonight and see if that helps.

Spring you r not alone! My 5yo twins have only just starting sleeping thro the night and I can count on my (2)! hands the number of full nights sleepI have had since late pregnancy. This has left me totally physically and mentally shredded, to the extent that I have now been suffering a horrible post viral fatigue thingy/endless bug since Xmas. I don't work full time and am open mouthed that u can do this with no sleep or constant interruptions thro the night and still function which you obviously do.

My two do thank the lord go to bed without too much of a prob, altho it hasn't always been so straightforward. We have stuck religiously to a bedtime routine which I think helps, ie supper, bath,story,cuddle and they will now go to sleep alone after a cuddle but we have had to be firm about this in the past.

I have no magic wand but...

Warm relaxing bath with lavender bath stuff from Sainsburys

Eating earlier helps my two ie supper by 5 they eat more so are full and satisfied.

At the age of 5 bribery works, my two get a shiny penny in their jam jar if they stay in bed all night.

We still have a milky drink - but not too late as they will want a wee!

If they are slightly sniffly or blocked up 2.5 of allergeze or similar is better than Calpol.

Check that your child is not borderline asthmatic this can lead (as in our case) to constant panicky waking thro night. We have been given an inhaler and child has a nightly puff before bed to help breathing.

Do u have a chart for good behaviour? This can really work. make sure u reward quickly if child responds to this ie trip to toy shop after first night thro, and then another trip few nights later etc.

can think of anything else but will ponder it.

I think we are suffering the consequences of not ever going down the controlled crying method route - we couldnt bear to do that and always took the softly softly approach, I genuinely think this is better for the children in the long run, but my goodness I have suffered for it!

Hi there

Have you ever considered contacting a sleep clinic? I have no idea how much they can cost so if it's very expensive, I apologise. But it might be worth finding out, as at 5 years old, he's got some very ingrained habits which you may never break until he's a teenager! I know Millpond gets some very good reviews.

When do you try and put him to bed? Can you push bedtime back by two or three hours? That might cut out the two hours settling time, and he might get up later?

You can get a referral to a sleep clinc from a GP or HV may be able to recommended

I used Millpond but my DD was much younger - they are £££ but it works

Rising at 4.45 am is the middle of the night - I feel for you. I had 2 poor sleepers but by toddlerhood they were mainly sleeping through

You need to get it sorted for your health and their sakes

Thanks for the replies. Sorry I haven't replied earlier but I've just been crashing out once he's asleep for the last few nights. Life took over for a day or two as the boiler broke down ...grrr.... so of course he was cold the first night and got little sleep so I dashed out and bought electric blankets for us all. And he slept till 7am!!! I was so delighted ( or course I'd spent the night worrying he would get electrocuted )
Only lasted one night though... hopes dashed again.

I've taken some time with him on his own this week.. took him for a walk, to the park, let him stay up later so I could chat with him and explained to him that he's a big boy of 5 ( in a few weeks) etc. He does seem to be taking some of it on board and I haven't sat with him tonight. (although he was down the stairs about 5 times) He seems to have gone off without too much fuss though.

Next time we are at the GP I will definitely ask re the sleep clinic. I am well aware that although I am the one suffering in the short term he will suffer in the long term if he's a lifetime bad sleeper.

Anyway, thanks for all of your advice. I was just feeling so low and sleep deprived on Monday. I really appreciated those hugs