Because I am going quietly mad.
I have posted endlessly on this topic with DD. She has never slept longer than two, maybe three hours unless its in bed with us. No matter how busy her day, how much we fill her with fresh air and new experiences, bedtime is still a misery for everyone.
By December of last year it became obvious that her frequent nightly wakings had eventually taken their toll on me (DP has never done night wakings, initially due to EBF and the nature of his job but also because she will not settle for him in any way.) I began having frequent anxiety attacks, panic disorder and latent agoraphobia. My GP referred me for counselling and I am currently receiving treatment for these although he insisited that sleep depravation was the likeliest cause.
After some discussion DP and I decided we HAD to tackle her night wakings. We had moved her cot back into our bedroom some time before to try to limit the amount of times I was up and down in the night and were still co-sleeping from about ten thirty at night, when she would wake for the second time.
So in December I stopped BF at nightime (this was an easy transition as she had stopped taking the milk and was just doing it for comfort) and DP began to put her to bed and attend to her at night. We moved her cot back into her room and turned it into a 'big girls bed' (i.e took the sides off) and gave her some stickers to decorate it, made a big fuss of it, put her toys in there etc.
Her bedtime is at 7. She has warm milk, a story, cuddles. Then lights out. We have a chair by her bed to sit in while she nods off, and she knows we stay until she is asleep. Her routine is lovely and familiar.
But she won't do it :( If DP puts her to bed she screams like a banshee, last night it lasted for well over an hour and he was right there with her the whole time. This is par for the course. Sometimes she howls at me, trying to climb into my lap, throwing her dummy across the bed, wanting to play with my hair. Some nights I'n in there for nearly two hours, having her crying fitfully and pitifully right up until she drops off. Then two hours later she wakes again and needs to be resettled. She is much bigger now, and a wriggly little kicker in bed so currently DP or I are sleeping in the lounge on the sofabed (she comes with me if I go in there).
The way I see it is that my mental health is currently more important than her sleep problems, and so I have to maximise the amount of sleep I get regardless of how I'm getting it. DP does not agree, and thinks we are far, far too lax. He wanted to do CC and I said no, so now he looks at me as if to say,
"This is all your fault" every time she cries out in the night.
How can we help her peacefully go to sleep ? Its been two years of bedtime screaming and I don't know how else to help her. I am currently reading the No Cry Solution for toddlers which has some good ideas but the last time I tried gradual withdrawal she just got out of bed and followed me laughing, like it was a game.
Any-one with any ideas ? I'll take anything, just to give us all some rest.