Baby and toddler bedtime nightmare.. Please help/ suggest routines.

[mrsrvc]

I'm really struggling to know how to do this baby/toddler bedtime.
Ds is now 21mo, dd 4wo. Before dd arrived , ds had a great bedtime routine and went to bed ok if a little later than ideal.
Bath was at 7, then stories at 7.20ish straight into bed and to sleep about 7.30. Since the arrival of dd he just doesn't want to be left alone at bedtime (has got progressively worse). Plus on top of that I now need to try to get dd into some sort of bedtime routine.
Ive always had a rule that ds stays upstairs after bath, but I'm wondering if that needs to change.
I think that I need to bring bath time earlier, bath dd at the same time and start the mammoth pre bed breast feed for dd. DS won't go to bed much earlier, so I need to entertain him during the feed. I could bring him downstairs for a but of tv, before stories, but that might be too much of a change from his routine. The other thought is to let him look at his books (happy to do that for half an hour easily.) Any thoughts appreciated, or suggestions on how the hell I'm going to do this at all, let alone on my own...

I would bring bedtime earlier as you say, and definitely bath them together.

Then sit somewhere comfortable (ideally on ds's bed, while he is tucked in) and bf dd while reading to ds. I would have a limit of 2-3 stories, and then you finish the bf on a chair in ds's bedroom with the lights out, so he goes to sleep.

Once dd asleep, creep out, place her in cot and go downstairs for a bar of chocolate and some crap TV.

Don't on any account bring your DS back downstairs, you will just prolong bedtime horribly and have to have arguments about it. The best thing to do is to make double use of your time - while sitting bf dd, read to ds! it will make things much easier - he will feel he's getting personal attention. But definitely have the time limit on stories, and then sitting in the dark while he goes to sleep and you finish bf.

good luck :)

That sounds a plan! I'll try that tonight and see how it goes.

Redriding - just to say thank you for the idea of bf ing dd while sat next to ds. Can't believe I didn't think of it!
He wasn't massively impressed but eventually fell asleep after half an hour. Started bath at 6.30 and was down stairs with both asleep by 7.50, so not a bad effort and better than the 9pm of the last couple of days!

really glad that helped mrsvc. your ds might get used to it after a few days - it is always hard changing the oldest's routine when the next one comes along, but when they are young they adjust pretty quickly. An extra hour to yourself definitely makes all the difference!

I have two DSs with a 21 month difference, and now a baby dd with a 23 month gap, so I know where you are coming from! Making double (now triple) use of every bit of time is crucial to sanity, for me anyway. They all go in the bath together, get a joint story etc. The great thing about this age difference is that after the first year to eighteen months, they really are very easy to manage as a team - they like the same stories, want to play the same sort of games etc.

The first year with the two of them was hardest, working out how to do things. Funnily enough, I've found going from 2 kids to 3 much easier (just in case you're thinking of that!) probably because I've got the routines worked out now.

My second piece of advice would be to not feel guilty about having quite a short story time at bedtime. I read to mine lots throughout the day - at bedtime we just have 10 mins or so of reading and then quite a firm goodnight. DH is around to help usually at bedtime, when it's just me on my own it is sometimes just 5 mins of reading. By that point of the day I really need to get downstairs and have an hour of peace!

I'm struggling with this one too - the main problem being that DD2, 11 weeks, won't go to sleep without a fair amount of rocking and crying (she resists sleep, like her sister did). So I do the bf-and-read thing but then DD1 wants a quiet snuggle with me just at the time that DD2 wants rocking/pacing, and if I ask DD1 to wait while I settle DD2 she wants to help/watch which winds DD2 up more...

Argh, frankly. Help?

Also, bathing both together sounds v daunting, how do you keep hold of the newborn while fending off helpful toddler hands? And also get them clean?

Hi, just read this post and thought I would share what I do with DS (3) and DD (15 weeks)

• I bath them both together, at whatever time DD needs it
• DD gets out of the bath and I massage and change her while DS stays in the bath (I do this in her room as he is a bit older and can stay in the bathroom alone, I'm in ear reach, but you could do this in the bathroom?)
• Once DD is dressed I get DS out of the bath and then I read stories in his room whilst feeding DD
• After stories (we always have 2 so DS doesn't ask for "just one more") DS stays in his room reading books or playing with his toys in bed while I take DD to her room and give her the rest of her feed and then put her to sleep
• After that I go back to DS and sing him a couple of songs and then he goes to bed

I think DS would get out of bed and disturb us but the deal is that as he is "the big boy" he can read on his own with the light on and then gets special songs on his own afterwards. This works well for us.

tortoise buy this bath - its awesome, DD bathes in her bath, DS in the big bath and I just watch them both and wash one at a time.

HTH!

Just thought I'd update. After one night of bf ing dd next to ds, he has for 3 nights in a row told me "baby sleep" upon which I leave the room and don't hear from him again!!
Sadly dd has another cold do taking a while to settle, but happy to do the monster pre bed bf after ds goes down!
So now the routine is:
5pm supper.
6pm half an hour of telly
6.30 bath both using a baby bath chair from John Lewis.
Baby gets out after 10 mins max, I get her dressed while ds plays in the bath, if I get a chance I stick her on the boob, if not I take her to ds room. Then get ds out, straight to his room to get him dressed. Dd on boob while he chooses his 3 stories. Read 2 with dd on boob, then put ds in sleeping bag and read last story. Kisses for everyone and ds to bed. Last two nights been downstairs by 7.15.
When dd better I will move to our room, continue to feed dd until she goes down.

I think short and effective is the way forward. Also the earlier bedtime seems to be working well do far. My fear was that we'd loose nap time...

wow, well done mrs vc, that was quick work. sounds like you've got things really well sorted. early bedtimes work for me - mine are in bed by 7pm, sleep till about 6.30 and my 2.5 year old still has a 90 min nap in the afternoon. I think their biorhythms have a dip around that 7pm time and it is easier to settle them then than when they've had a second wind.

Kudos to you!

Very interesting thread and tips which I shall use when DC2 comes along in July, thanks!

Agree with joy, will definitely be using some of this myself next month when DD arrives - prior to finding these ideas I'd been crapping myself about how I was going to manage it all!

The earlier bed time really is a revalation! I thought he'd fight it more, but again this evening he went down without a fight. I was particularly amazed as he'd been a monster all afternoon!!

Good luck everyone else.

Oh and to bath baby we use a plastic bath chair/ support from John Lewis which lets you bathe them hands free.

Xx

When mine are being monstrous it is usually a sign they are overtired and need to go to bed early. That's what I tell them, anyway :)