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2 year old - lots of p***ing about before sleep!

22 replies

lazzaroo · 17/02/2012 20:26

A few weeks ago we moved DD from cot to bed. It was seamless..for about a week! with hindsight, she was ill at the time (which we didn't realise until after) so was probably so done in that a)she crashed out as soon as head hit the pillow or b) she hadn't worked out she had the freedom to get out of bed herself!

But, over the past week or so bedtimes have been getting increasingly drawn out. On average taking about an hour and usually involving me staying on floor in her room until she falls asleep. I have more patience for his on some nights than others. When I am tired and feel my evening wasting away (I go to bed early as she is an ealry riser too!) I feel myself getting tense and ultimately angry with her...which I hate.

She doesn't resist going upstairs to bed, and happily gets in bed. No tears are involved. She just gets in and out a million times! if I try to leave after reading stories she just follows me out. If she was stil in cot I'm pretty sure I could just leave and although she may grumble a bit owuld quickly fall asleep. It doesn't bother me that it takes a whle to fall asleep...it's the fact that I have to be in there with her!

She is still sleeping in the day, but length of nap varies. If she only has short sleep she usually wakes up grumpy & still tried which makes me think she still needs to nap. But even on these days when I think she maybe needs an earlier night it's taking ages to get her to sleep. I am relcuatnt to let her bedtime get too lateas she still tends to wake early and then the next day is no fun for anyone!

Anyone else gone through similar with move to bed? will it pass?

(sorry this has been longer rant than I intended...probably because I've just come out of her room and need to vent frustrations!!)

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why5am · 17/02/2012 23:01

You have my sympathy. Our dd did something very similar after we were forced to take the side off her cot (she was getting out in a dangerous way). She was 22 months at the time. Bedtime ended up taking all evening and after several weeks seemed unsustainable for everyone, especially her as she was getting less sleep than usual..
In the end we did a version of rapid return: going through her usual bed time routine, leaving her awake and waiting outside the door. When she came out of her room I picked her up, gently said 'it's bedtime, sweetheart', lay her down and kissed her head and left the room without another word. Repeat as often as needed.
The first night, it took over 2 hours and literally dozens of returns. She wasn't happy about it. I was also thrown by her climbing on a chair, turning on her light and 'reading' a book about an hour in instead of coming out of her room. I decided to treat this in the same way as if she'd come out of her room and 'rapid returned' her from that for half an hour too. In the last 10 mins or so she took to opening the door, seeing me and running back to bed and climbing in by herself while shouting/crying.
The second night took 45 mins.
The third night took 10 mins.
On night four she smiled when I left and didn't get out of the cot.
It solved the issue but required a) support/back up b) a large glass of wine in the hallway and c) consistency.
And if she's ill at any time bin the rules then start again (only took 5 mins).
For the record, our DD is turning 3 next month and stays in bed after we say good night 9 times out of ten, unless she's awake for ages after we've left her. And a gentle 'it's bedtime' works first or second time. She has, though, always just come into us in the morning and remains an early riser. I know some other children wake their parents by crying out from their bed. Our DD steals into our room, very quietly and wakes us by climbing into our our bed/poking me/'whispering' in my ear very loudly. It's an alarming way to wake up but makes me smile!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. As someone on another sleep thread said recently "this too will pass"!

lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 19:35

Thanks for your reply and advice. It all makes perfect sense & I'm in the middle of trying it now. Have been for about 10 mins and already I want to cry out of frustration, tiredness etc etc. She thinks its a game and I'm getting tenser by the minute! The temptation to curl up ina ball on her floor is great!

husband is away at the moment and travels away a lot of bedtimes are my job alone. It's hard x

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lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 19:40

I think I'm going to give in before she does!

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lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 19:43

She's laughing in my face...I'm getting angrier and the gentle 'it's sleepy times' are going out the window'....

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lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 20:01

Well, she has stayed in bed this time and I think she's asleep (will check onher soon but not risking it yet!!) but I am feeling incredibly guitly as I ended up shouting at her. I feel really bad and it's made me cry! I thought after 2 years I might be getting somewhere with her sleep but feel like I'm always getting it wrong.

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hellygolightly · 18/02/2012 20:03

how about a stairgate on the door?

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 18/02/2012 20:10

Sympathies. Remember whenever you try a different technique it will take her a while to get used to it. So as frustrating as it is, be prepared to spend 3, 4, 5 nights of her 'playing' the game before she 'gets' it. You need consistency though. If you give in or change things even a little, she will take pounce on that and think she's getting her way Grin
Choose a time when you can be 100% committed, ie not when you're very tired or stressed etc.
Good luck.

DaydreamDolly · 18/02/2012 20:13

Don't feel guilty, she needs to be told its bedtime, you did exactly the right thing in being consistent and teaching her what's expected of her. As you are well aware shouting probably wasn't the greatest idea but we all do it when we're frustrated! You did a great job, keep it up and she'll soon get the message.
These little ones do need to know who's boss now and then Smile

KnittingNovice · 18/02/2012 20:15

lazzaroo don't feel bad for shouting. It's hard. DH works nights to I do bedtime for two every night. Ds is 3y8m and has recently learnt how to undo the stairgate. Dd is 23monhs and recently moved into a bed.

I get them coming downstairs because they....need a wee, need to wash hands. Dd is to loud, dd is to quiet, it's too dark etc.

Sometimes you have to shout. I shouted tonight after 4 stories, 3 trips to the toilet and them both coming downstairs. :(. You are only human and she probably won't remember I the morning, but you are getting your evenings back.

lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 20:19

Thank you. We were going to do the stair gate on the door but went to get the gate down from the loft and couldn't find all the fittings! we didn't have any problems for first couple of weeks she was in the bed so had been lulle dinto a false sense of security!

She is sleeping soundly now and so has ended up getting to sleep quicker tonight than previous nights when I've stayed in with her so I hope we all benefit from this in the long run (hoping it will get less stressful!). It had got to the point where she wasn;t settlgin until 8.30 and then (like this morning) waking at 5.15am! That's not enough sleep for me so I'm sure it's not enough for her!!!? she has also been waking a lot in the night recently so I don't ever feel not tired or stressed by the time she goes to bed at the moment!

Don't mean to sound so negative! she is lovely really!! This is just one of those hurdles I'm sure we'll overcome!

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lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 20:20

crossposted with Daydream dolly and Knittingnovice but just wanted to say thank you so much for your comments. Much appreciated x

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stubbornstains · 18/02/2012 20:32

Feeling your pain Lazaroo! DS, just turned 2, was an impeccable sleeper till my DM insisted on buying him a bed a week ago. So...the day started at 6 with him getting into bed with me- I fondly thought we might have a lovely cuddly sleep for a while longer- nuh-huh, I got an hour of wriggling with him brightly exclaiming "Day!""Day!" at intervals. Come naptime (which, again, he was very good with pre-bed), I had about an hour and a half of rapid-returning before I snapped and just started bawling "GO TO BLOODY SLEEP!"Eventually he crashed out in my bed. This evening was not too bad- about half an hour of intermittent rapid-returning before he finally dropped off. Cheers mum (sigh).

SmileItsSunny · 18/02/2012 20:37

We also have this problem now and again. DD 2.5 years. We have a stairgate on the door, so she ends up clinging to it calling for us to come back / begging to go downstairs Sad

I like the rapid return plan. I did something similar when she first went into a room of her own. Soon we plan to move her to a big bed in another room (we're decorating it currently!) so may well come back to this thread and looking at the advice again.

SmileItsSunny · 18/02/2012 20:38

oh and she rarely naps now, but maybe that's just the age etc. We have a bedguard instead of the cotside (since she gave herself concussion climbing over the cotside right in front of me Blush)

DaydreamDolly · 18/02/2012 21:11

Just a thought, is it a cot bed or a single bed? We put DD into a single bed as I just think having more space to move around without getting near the edge of the bed gives her more security? Cot beds are quite narrow and I wonder if the little ones could feel insecure? Probably rubbish thought but it just crossed my mind.
Glad she's settled quicker for you tonight, great progress!

lazzaroo · 18/02/2012 21:50

Nice to know I'm not alone!

It is a full size single. One of the reasons we moved her from cot is that she moves so much in the night she was bumping the sides and waking hersle fup. Decided not to faff about with toddler bed to avoid an extra change...glad we made that decision now!!

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why5am · 18/02/2012 22:16

Well done and keep at it! It takes time and several cartloads of patience. It'd be impossible not to get frustrated and cross... It takes a few nights for a 2 year old to adjust but she will get there. I remember clearly thinking that my DD had more staying power than me... until she had me laughing by pouting and shouting '[her name] not happy' as I left the room. The tone and protest was so endearing.

It is worth it when bedtime takes less than 15 mins and you get your evenings back. You will get there!

(Until the next DC. Spent an hour settling our 4 month old at bedtime this evening....Am just keeping my fingers crossed this little guy will be a better sleeper!)

lazzaroo · 19/02/2012 19:40

Well, last night's sleep was a vast improvement as little one slept through till 6am with no shouting out for me in the night. I'm sure it must help her to go to sleep on her own, otherwise it's no suprose if she wakes in the middle of the night and wonders why I have vanished form her floor!!

So, stuck with it tonight and am so pleased that it took just 15 mins (3 returns to bed!) before I left with her saying 'bye bye' and staying put! no tears (and no cross tears from me!). It's so nice to have a stres free bedtime again. Hope it lasts!

I can only imagine having to deal with 2 of them at the moment!!! we are keen to have another...I was clinging to the hope that no 2 are the same and the next one might be a dream sleeper!?!?!?

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lazzaroo · 19/02/2012 19:41

oops, I meant cross words!!

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KnittingNovice · 19/02/2012 20:09

lazzaroo every child is very different. Ds slept through and would self settle from 12/13 weeks. Dd could not self settle, but we have had to leave her to CIO ( which I am not a fan of) as I was an emergency admission into hospital in the summer and had to stop feeding to sleep cold turkey. Even now I can hear her crying for me, while ds sleeps through it ( they share a room).
Keep it up, it will get easier and no 18 year old cries themselves to sleep unless heartbroken or drunk

DaydreamDolly · 19/02/2012 21:02

Fantastic Lazaroo! You must feel elated, how lovely Grin

why5am · 19/02/2012 23:08

Well done! You've done the hard bit with rapid return now. Just beware that you may find the need resurfaces at key developmental points but only takes one half hour session of rapid return. I always felt like DD was just checking on the boundaries again every here and there and was sort of relieved to find them unchanged. Even now the words 'it's bedtime, sweetheart' when she gets up have her sighing and climbing the stairs back to her room!

Each child is so different. Our little guy is a bit confusing - he's 17 weeks tomorrow and self settles (?! Not sure how, DD never could) for naps and at bedtime but wakes every 2 hours for a feed... Little guzzler. Hoping it's just a prolonged growth spurt. I'm convinced it was only right we'd have a good sleeper this time!

Hope you get lots of sleep.

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