14wo forgetting how to nap in the day

[lizzywig]

We put DD into a bedtime routine at 6wks (going to sleep at 7pm) and around this time she put herself into a daytime routine which I just went along with. She would self settle and take two 2.5hr naps during the day. However she would only nap in the car seat, eventually I decided to tackle this as at 8mo she will be going into nursery and I didn't want them to have to battle with a car seat sleep.

At around 11wo I stopped putting her in the car seat and tried the crib. Big mistake, I tried it for a week and for a week she stopped napping apart from 40 mins once (maybe twice) a day (if lucky). These naps weren't easy either as she would scream for at least an hour on first being put down, so I would pick up, cuddle, put back, pat, sing to (everything you can think of). I know I had the nap time bang on as I was pretty much going with her previous times and her sleepy signals were there. Then I got very ill (probably the sheer exhaustion of it all) and had to revert back to car seat naps as I literally couldn't get off the sofa. However she had lost the ability to self settle, so I had to rock her to sleep (car seat travel system). Since then I have been trying to use the buggy (and laying it down a bit) in the hope of getting her used to lying flatter. It does work....eventually.

Friday gone it took me 3 hours to get her to sleep. This consisted of her crying, me crying, taking her out to feed her, singing to her, rocking her, calling DH and begging him to come home from work and eventually sleep...for 3 hours. This has been her longest nap since before I tried the crib. Today was another very bad day. She took almost 3 hours to go to sleep and only slept for 30 mins, for the next nap I took her out for an hour walk, she only slept for 15 mins, then we took her for a drive, then next nap time she only slept for 15 mins.

She's really struggling to go to sleep during the day and I don't know why. Dare I say this but touch wood she's fine at night. We put her down at around 6 or 7pm depending on when her last "nap" was and she will sleep for about 12 hours straight through...in the crib no less.

So any ideas? I'm putting her down at her sleepy time but she just won't sleep. I've tried putting her down earlier. I've tried putting her down later. Nothing. It's flipping knackering!

Hiya. So you are saying that now, even though you have reverted back to the car seat for naps, she is still resisting? Can I ask what times you are trying to put her down for her naps during the day? I'm just wondering if maybe she's simply not tired when you are trying to put her down & hence why you are getting the big fight.

It depends on what time she wakes up, usually about 2 hours after she's first woken up. Generally she wakes up around 7:30am (although it's not always that time) and so I'll start watching her like a hawk from about 8:45am for sleepy signs and it's normally about 9:15am when she's getting a little cranky and then by 9:30am I'm getting eye rubbing and yawning, so I put her down, if this comes before then I put her down sooner.

It's really odd but she's now reluctant to nap anywhere but mostly the crib. The crib is the big battle, other places are easier but still hard work. I don't want her to be one of those babies who needs to learn how to go to sleep from nursery staff, I'm her mummy and should be able to do this!! :-(

I'm not sure I have a solution but I wanted you to know you aren't alone. DS has just turned one and was exactly like this from about the same age. I have spent months trying to work out what I did wrong, worrying, panicking, watching him constantly for tired signs, comforting him through hours of crying only for him to eventually crash for 30 minutes at the most. And I've missed out a bit on just enjoying my baby and accepting him the way he is because I've been so consumed with the sleep issue that I've often not been able to enjoy/think about anything else.

If your baby is like mine then it may well get worse before it gets better. DH and I were talking about it last night (whilst DS screamed while trying to get him back to sleep - I'm assuming because he was trying to play but also knackered) and realised that things peaked around 5 or 6 months, that's when they were the worst for me; I felt like I must be doing something awfully wrong because he just wouldn't sleep, would constantly be tired and would get more upset (and desperate and grabby) throughout the day. Like your LO he's always slept pretty well at night, which is great but it's hard work having to entertain a baby (who is often cranky/overtired) all day long. I envy people who 'put' their baby 'down' twice or 3 times a day for a 2 hour nap. I've always had an. Almighty fight struggle getting mine to nap at all, have never been able to leave him without him crying out and waking himself up, and he has never napped more than 40 mins on a regular basis.

Do you think it's possible you have a 'high needs' or 'spirited' Baby? I'm still not sure if I do (reluctant to label him negatively and would never let family and friends do so) but reading about these babies and other parents experiences with them online has helped a great deal.

I do think some babies hate just don't like sleeping. There is just too much fun to be had, too much to look at and grab (DS gets so 'grabby' when tired and melts down any time he's not allowed to touch everything something he wants - other people don't understand that's tiredness and try and 'distract' him out of it which drives me insane) and find it so hard to 'wind down' - I also think a lot more people have 'issues' with their babies sleep than will admit to it.

Perhaps your LO is going through a phase (growth spurt/sleep regression/development leap?) or maybe she just has trouble switching off. It's not your job to MAKE her sleep - she's not a robot with an off switch! Its your job to put all the things she needs in place to give her the opportunity to sleep if she needs to. And if she doesn't need it then do whatever you need to do (get help, have a bath when your OH gets home, hire a babysitter for an hour so you can grab a coffee) to give your batteries a recharge so you don't take your frustrations out on her or yourself (not saying you would but rest deprevation can be as debilitating as sleep deprevation)

Other people don't help I find - if I had a pound for every time someone told me to let him cio (cc, pupd whatever, it's not for me) 'just put him down' and he'll go to sleep (whatever!) or the classic "I think you're making it more complicated than it is" (thanks Dad now f*%# off!) - sometimes it feels like nobody gets it and I just want to shut myself off/move away from them all with their stupid advice and shoving toys in my son's face to 'cheer him up' when he's already crying from overstimulation - but I am able to take a step back from it all now, have confidence that I'm doing all the right things for him and honestly relax a bit about the whole issue. He's a happy child overall, he just doesn't like to sleep and apparently doesn't need to nap that much (although when he does need to nap is usually when I want to take him to some group or other that are all around the times babies naturally get tired and cranky!) - he does occasionally nap for an hour in the afternoons now, I've not done anything different (except stop stressing) - he's just done it on his own.

So although I don't have a solution for you I can relate (especially to the 'will only sleep in a particular place' thing, DS goes through phases but seems to have finally settled on 'on my bed' so at least I get to lie down for half an hour these days) and say that the best thing you can do is try and relax and accept this is how your baby is - I realise now DS only ever slept well during the day in the first 2 months when he was probably so shattered from being born etc and hadn't 'noticed' the world around him yet. You never know, your DD may surprise you and grow out of it, in the meantime the best thing you can do is stop beating yourself up - you can't 'fix' her, you can only be her mum!

Thank you for taking the time to add your experience, it certainly helps to know that others are going through the same/similar thing. I am a total control freak and motherhood has helped me to take a step back but I must admit that I'm finding this particulary hard at the moment, I'm feeling constantly exhausted with no day time to recharge my batteries. I spend most of my days playing with her or trying to rock her to sleep and it's shattering. I can't say I'd considered not trying because she seems so tired. The way you have described your son he seems to manage it. DD doesn't. She will scream the house down and has little bags under her eyes :-( she's constantly yawning and rubbing her eyes and it's because she's become so overtired, probably because of her reluctance to go to sleep. DH has been off work this week so we've been here there and everywhere and so her inability to sleep during the day has got worse. I am planning on keeping next week free and just trying to get her back into good habits, I'm sure us being out all the time hasn't helped.

I don't think she's a high need baby, she does have some of the characteristics, but ones which also fit with any other baby. She can self settle, she does it at night time. I put her down at 6:30pm tonight and she went straight to sleep, if she wakes in the night and I feed her because she's asking for it she can get herself off to sleep, othertimes she wakes up and just chats to herself for 10 mins and goes back to sleep. It couldn't be more different to day time.

One thing I am thinking though is that I've recently had trouble feeding her. She will latch on and come straight off (this has been for the last few weeks) and just look around. I've been thinking that she isn't getting enough sleep because she isn't eating properly during the day. However I've had a look on kellymom and i think she's a 'distractable baby'. So I wonder if this effects her getting to sleep too, perhaps the whole lots links in together. I got her weighed today to put my mind at ease and she is doing really well soooo she's getting enough food. She's just gone through the 3 months growth spurt and overnight gone from being a 40 min eater to a 20 min eater. I hope this will all settle down and I've just got to keep going.

You're right though, I need to stop 'making things happen' and let her have fun and enjoy her. It's just so hard when I can see that she's so tired.

Oh Lizzywig I really feel for you. It does sound like you are going through something very similar to what I've been through this past year. I think I can reassure you though that it does get better. I can only appreciate that by reading your post because I was in your position not so long ago.

DS didn't used to handle it well at all, he was constantly tired and cranky but as he's got older he has grown used to it I think. If I can't get him to nap within 30 mins or so (knowing he'll probably only sleep for that long when he finally drifts off anyway) I often give up and do something else with him until a but later and try again. I suppose naturally babies need less naptime as they get older so he does seem to manage better these days so I am able to relax a little more.

I know what you mean about DH being around. Naptime goes to pot when DH is off, I try and go with the flow a bit more when he's home (i guess the responsibility is less) but it's not easy as DS feeds to sleep - funny tho DH said to me the other day (during a week off work) that he totally understands and feels the anxiety I get over DS and sleep because it does effect everything.

The kellymom website is brilliant - I've had a 'distractable baby' since about 4 months and even now I cannot feed him in public. He breastfeeds much more at night than during the day. Funny tho, I had a LOT of problems breastfeeding in the beginning so I am able to just accept whatever comes now, hopefully someday I will be the same with sleep - we had a particularly bad episode this morning where DS was obviously exhausted but fighting sleep like a beaut and screaming the place down. He's had good naps this afternoon tho and is in brilliant spirits, much has changed.. You'll get there. Sending strength :-)