Routine or not (and if I do how the hell can I do that with a toddler in the mix?)?

[shirleycat1]

I have a 2.9 year old ds and a 12 week on dd. At the moment we have no routine really, although I aim to get dd to have a sleep morning and afternoon and later afternoon depending on how much has been had previously during the day. This all sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't and is often split into a few shorter naps and often I have an overtired baby who hasn't had enough sleep.

Dd sleeps great on the go (sling/car/pushchair) but I find it almost impossible to get her to sleep at home when ds is shouting, tearing round the house, poking her, pulling me, etc. I can't just take her upstairs for a bit to get her in her cot as ds wants to come up and can't keep quiet for more than half a second! Also I don't want to leave him downstairs for ages on his own anyway.

I wasn't a massive routine person with ds, but he naturally had times he slept each day and as I had all the time in the world to facilitate that there was no problem.

At the moment I am finding it OK to not have much of a routine. We're out a lot so dd can sleep but that's Ok as we're out a lot anyway. But I'm thinking now should I look at starting some soft of routine at some point and if so, how am I going to make it happen with ds around. Or is it OK to never have much of a routine? If I go down that route will dd ever sleep through (people tell me routine's are the answer when it comes to nighttime sleep)

To complicate things further, ds is in nursery 2 mornings and 1 afternoon. Dp is about 1 morning and 1 full day. No 2 days are the same.

Where do I begin?

Thanks for any advice...

I am a routine fan but that's not to say it is for everyone. It is up to you if you want to use one or not. My DD2 7 months sleeps in her cot whilst DD1 plays downstairs 2.7. I put her in her cot in the same way as night time which in our case is in grobag with mobile turned on and she snooze out of the way. I also have a stair gate at the bottom of the stairs so I can keep dd1 downstairs for a few mins whilst I put DD2 to bed

Can you stick a travel cot downstairs for day naps? Or pop the telly on a bit while you stick DD in bed? I'm a bit behind you (DD is 10 weeks, DS 2.4) and I'm thinking about this. DD naps in the sling in the day but soon it won't be peaceful enough as she gets more interested in the world! I've got a travelcot in the dining room I plan to use or I'll stick peppa on while I nap DD upstairs as will only be a few times a day if we're home.

Nevercan how long did it take to get your DD into a routine and cot napping?

It only took a week really to do. She did sleep in my pram for her first few weeks in the same room but is now to big which is why I moved her up to the cot. She was also resisting sleep as there was too much going on

Thanks both.

Nevercam - I take it your dd self settles? How did you teach her that? I am currently breastfeeding to sleep if at home and it can take ages and the minute I put her in her moses basket her eyes ping open. Again, I don't have lots of time to devote to feeding to sleep and waiting for ages until she's in a deep sleep to put her down. But if I put her down awake she just moans and then fully cries.

What routine do you do? Do you need to be home at the same times every day? That's just not going to be possible for me as we go to toddler groups or meet up with friends etc as well as random nursery sessions throughout the week.

Iggly - not got much room for a travel cot. Ideally she's be upstairs but it's just getting her to do it whilst also entertaining ds.

What happens when you have no routine at all? Anyone have no routine and lots of (well at least 2) happy children?

I just started a separate thread so hopefully we'll get some useful ideas...

Thanks!

Yes she does self settle. I put her in the cot, turn on her mobile which plays on it's own for 5 mins or so. In he beginning i used to go in after a couple of mins and rub her belly and make loads of shssing noises. Then I gradually left longer and longer between going back and now she just goes on her own most if the time. It is changing the cue for sleep from breastfeeding to tummy rubbing etc. I put her down for her naps in the cot when I am at home. I too go out to visit friends and toddler groups and then she will either snooze in the car or the pram when out. I cover the pram to make sure it is dark just like bedtime at home and put her in it at the same time or there abouts as I would if I was at home. HTH

Also wanted to say some of the self settling also came from the fact that I was putting dd1 to bed and by the time I finished her and got back to DD2 she would have gone to sleep. I normally put them both to bed and hubbie is away with work regularly during the week. It is difficult juggling a baby and toddler me thinks

Thanks Nevercan. I think I just need to make a plan and go for it. Really helpful though.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who's not doing a routine and how life is for them if anyone's around???

Thanks. I remember stressing about self settling with DS but looking back it was futile until he got older so worries it's the same with DD!

OP I was talking to a friend who has no real routine until 6 months with her second. The only thing she did was a set bedtime and taught her youngest to nap in a cot from 3 months by putting her down when tired after rocking etc then would leave for ten mins or so. She spent a week on this while her dh was about. She lives in a flat though so no running up and down stairs...!

had not has

Watching both your threads - we are in a similar position, DD 2.5, DS now 20 wks.

DS has a nap around 1.5 hrs after getting up - this times in with breakfast so I stick him in the pram and rock it while making/eating breakfast for me and DD - this is obviously not ideal but is when he gets his biggest sleep of the day!

Then he has a late morning nap usually on the way back from the park - trying to get him to nap in his cot for this, have just mastered patting him to sleep then putting him down although he usually wakes :( he won't feed to sleep so I can't even rely on that!

Last nap of the day is much more a moveable feast and also usually involves the pram.

Feel my DS is the kind of baby who would love a routine, unlike me! I'm finding it almost impossible when you have to fit an around an older one.

I think the overriding theme running through this thread is that it's bloody hard work having a baby and a toddler!

I know it gets easier but I sometimes I feel like I'm wishing this time away for when it is easier and I wish I could enjoy these precious times a bit more.

Ds at nursery this morning and I've got dd down in her moses basket upstairs and she fell asleep all by herself. It feels like a little victory but it did take a while for her to drop off and would have been much harder had ds been around.

How do your dc's sleep on a night? I'm wondering how much difference having a routine will make on that. Currently dd sleeps from 7:30pm until 2am ish and then feed and sleep until 5am ish and feed and 6-7am wake. This is roughly and can vary from day to day. It could be worse I suppose. I can't work out why she can go for 6 hours in her first stretch of sleep but never goes for more than 2/3 after that.

Me me me! I have a 3 yo and 8 mo and no routine! A vague idea that he has to sleep morning and afternoon but that's it... Hectic here at the no, but will come back later... I'm not saying no routine is my plan, but will come back later to discuss and moan

As for teaching self settling - does this essentially mean letting your baby cry it out or cc? Or do you have magic babies who don't cry when you put them down? Be ause this bit is the reason I have no routine.

I think babies naturally sleep more deeply at the start of a night hence the long stretch? Yours is doing well! DD swings between stretches like yours and every two hours all night with the odd constant feeding from 1am. She suffers from wind/reflux though which I'm trying to master.

As long as she gets one long nap and a nap 4-5pm she's ok at bedtime. Nights - because her wind I can't make out a link.

I too am wishing away the time until 6 months which is horrid but I'm knackered now.

Blastoff - In my mid self settling is when you put them down and they drift off to sleep on their own without crying. My dd generally does the crying thing and yes, that's why I'm struggling with a routine as well.

Iggly - I didn't know about the deep sleep at the start of the night thing. That would explain things a bit. Hopefully she'll change as she gets bigger. SHe's already MILES better than ds was.

I do also like to be out and about a fair bit and ds has a lot of energy and so he doesn't like to be at home much either. So I need to find a balance of getting dd in the cot sometimes but not for every nap.

You're both doing better than me! DS has no long stretch - he has gone 4 hours twice, then it's usually every 1.5 to 2 hours. Gradually losing the plot due to lack of sleep...

DS has a cold at the moment but I think as soon as that's over I'm going to try and tackle the self settling thing, I fear we may have to ditch the dummy too. Starting with not using it when he naps in the buggy...I never had one with DD but he cried so much when he was small it seemed to help...