can anyone tell me how to do controlled crying properly?

[multicolourcat]

I'm considering letting our dd, nearly 1YO cry a little in the middle of the night. I have never done this before, but as she is waking for 1-2hours in the night and just not going back to sleep, no matter how much we sooth her, I am wondering whether we need to be a little firmer. I would not want her to feel 'abandoned' at all so wouldn't want anything like Cry it Out, and wondered whether controlled crying might help us a bit. Can anyone tell me when it is effective (age of child/ type of sleep problem) and how to do it properly? I really don't want to risk making things worse by scaring her that we won't come to her in the night.

Thanks

We did it with DS 14 months and this is what sleep consultant told us: don't go in until he's been crying for 5 min, then leave it another 10 min, then 15 min, then 15 min gaps. Don't interact except to say shhh go back to sleep or something like that calmly and lie them back down if you can. Don't do it unless you are completely consistent or it just confuses them and is unfair. We were desperate and it transformed DS sleep without being too awful as he got the idea very quickly.
If you don't think you could do that, you could try going in straight away, saying shh and walking out, leave it for 5 min etc. But I think you'd have to be completely consistent with that as well.

thanks. so, you go in after they have cried for 5 mins, not before? And then, howlong do you spend soothing them? Sorry, i am really confuse,d i have no idea about it at all? is the 10min wait on the same night, or the next night? thanks!!

I wouldn't do "controlled crying " as such - I hate that term - sounds like "inflicting misery" to me.
It just sounds like you are a bit too eager to jump up when they cry for the first time.....

leave it for a couple of minutes, then stand at their door saying "mummy's here darling, go back to sleep sweetie" wander around - a bit more noisily than you would normally for a bit and often they will drift off knowing you are there and you care...

if they don't settle wander into the room repeating what you want to happen, plump the pillow, tuck them in , sort out a drawer etc, just don't pick them up, they will soon learn to settle, knowing you still care enough to be around them...

You don't soothe them at all, going in is just to let them know you're still there. Just say 'shh night night' or 'time to sleep' and lie them down again if you can, then walk out.

I didn't really do CC with my three but I also didn't rush to them every time they cried. They have to learn to settle themselves at some point. When mine were about the age of yours I'd look at the clock when I heard them cry and not go in until five minutes had passed. More often than not they had stopped crying and gone back to sleep before I intervened. It is important to look at the clock - five minutes can seem like hours when your baby is crying! When you go in just soothe them quietly, without making eye contact. Just stroke their back, give them a quick kiss and satisfy yourelf that nothing is wrong. 'hen leave the room (even if they are still crying). If they carry on crying wait another 5 mins before going in. I could never bring myself to let mine cry for more than 5 mins.
It did work with mine. All three were excellent sleepers.

ok, so basically wait 5 mins before going in and then go in and let them know you are there, but no soothing, and then go out again even if they are still crying? and then wait another 5 mins and go in repeat this cycle?

And if she stands up, you would just settle her back down into the cot and go out again, even if she is crying and getting onto her all fours?

sorry, i am in a muddle with this and don't want to start it unless i really have got my head around it first.

Multi - I had the same questions as you so am reading with interest. DD is 11 months and I can't take any more.