self soothing

[jellycatqueen]

I've got into the habit out of desperation of BF'ing my baby to sleep. I saw a health visitor today and she suggested putting DD in a cot when she was tired and patting her/ holding her hand to help her drift off peacefully. ( ive tried dummies etc but they didnt work) So I just tried this and DD screamed for over an hour :( - I then gave in and within 3 seconds of the breast she was asleep :( I just hate seeing her cry, but feel such a bad parent for not mastering this self soothing thing. Not sure whether to carry on trying this method even if she cries for hours or is there anything else I can do? has anyone else had this?

*when I say cry its more like distressed screaming

I think it might be more successful if your partner was able to do it. She can probably smell your milk which is why she's getting so upset as she's expecting a feed and suddenly you're not giving it to her.

Is that possible?

FYI, the baby whisperer does say that when you're trying sleep training of any sort (and by that, I don't mean controlled crying - she's too young anyway), it's better if the partner/husband can take over as this breaks the association of the breast being there, but it doesn't break any 'bonds of trust' that the mother has with the child.

How old is your DD?
This thread might be of use -
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps
and ROFL at patting/hand holding until drifts off to sleep
these sorts of things always sound lovely in theory, but the reality for anyone who's having to feed to sleep is that the baby just isn't going to play ball.
Is it a massive and urgent problem for you that your DD feeds to sleep, or are you being made to feel you're doing the wrong thing and that you ought to be doing something else? Because if your DD is young, I wouldn't think twice about doing something for her that is lovely knowing that when she's older you WILL be able to break the habit.

Of course you're not a bad parent! - loads of us absolutely hate the idea of cry-it-out style sleep training, it goes against all your instincts. There are lots of other much gentler methods you can try, unfortunately health visitors don't seem to have heard of any of them. This book is brilliant for starters

thankyou nectarina that thread is good :)
shes 4.5 months old, its partly that Ive been told Im making a rod for my own back and if she cant settle now then she will have problems later. Also being made to feel like I'm doing it wrong. I'll have a go this week at getting partner to try and settle her :) its just hard when he has work the next day :)

thankyou theboob I'll order that :)

Whatever we do as mums, there is always someone to tell us we're doing it all wrong, 'making a rod for your own back', etc ...

But a technique that makes you listen to your precious baby screaming in distress for an hour - now that's what I'd call a rod for your own back!

I agree with boobmeister - please try not to listen to others too much. Something I like to remind myself is that it takes 3 days to change a baby's behaviour, so it doesn't matter what they get used to - they're so adaptable that they can put up with all sorts of change. If you have the time and energy I suggest going with the flow a bit longer.

I'm going to be the odd one out here to say that, IME (and it is only my experience) - breaking habits is far harder the older they get. It took me 6 weeks to tackle my daughter's erratic sleeping at a year old and it was blooming hard work.

Also, this 'issue' of feeding to sleep regularly when babies wake occurs far less with bottle fed babies which means offering the breast is a comfort thing - which in turn suggests you can find something else to comfort the baby - unless as other posters say you want to continue breastfeeding to sleep.

I honestly feel that for anyone aiming to have their babies progress to sleeping longer periods at night and fewer in the day as they get older (which is 'normal' for humans), encouraging good sleep habits such as self settling and not getting into the habit of feeding at night, is not cruel or unfeeling, as some posters on various threads might imply (not saying anyone here is doing that!!!). It's also not a crime to be a mother who can't cope with continuous sleep!

Sorry, got on my soapbox a bit there, maybe strayed off topic a bit and these are only my views. OP, try to take on board everything that everyone has said and extract the bits that resonate most with you. Good luck. x