11 month old sleep avoider. Please help!!

[sevenbubbles]

My ds is almost 11 months and is getting worse and worse at sleeping.

My dd slept through consistently from 6 m so this is all a bit of a shock. I can't remember the last time he spent the whole night in his cot.

He is still ebf and in the beginning was a fantastic sleeper and I was v smug!!! He slept through from 8 weeks from about 8 til 6 but at about 6 m he woke up and I could count on one hand the number of times he has gone through since. This waking up coincided with leaving him with mil and bottles for the weekend - although he apparently continued to sleep through for her I have been well and truly punished for daring to leave him ever since.

I can't get him to nap in the day - he stands raging in the cot until I get him up.

He is no problem getting to bed - although I feed him to sleep. But, he wakes anywhere between 1 and 3 (if I'm lucky !) and then feeds until I get up. If I stop feeding he screams. Surely he can't actually be hungry ?

How well does he eat during the day?

He eats really well. He is a slim baby - between 9th and 25th for weight whilst on 75th for height though. It's driving me crazy as dp's only comment it that I need to stop bf.

Interestingly in the night he literally hops between my boobs. Quick suck on one and then shuffle over to the other. And repeat. It is exhausting.

It's like hell. Have only just managed to get him down this evening. He had napped for under an hour ALL day. I gave him some Cheerios just before bed just in case it is hunger after all.

can you post what his routine looks like i.e. when you are trying to get him to nap, how long it takes to settle him, how long he naps (v how long he used to nap).

10/11 months is a typical age for sleep to go wonky as they head towards 1 nap. Not to say he is ready for 1 nap yet but it may be that he needs a later nap & probably needs to take one long/one short nap for a wee while until he drops one of them completely. For us, crying at naptime was usually a sign that ds wasn't tired enough to sleep.

Can I ask if you cosleep at night? And do you feed him to sleep at naptime too?
I suspect the feeding to sleep may also be part of the problem, esp with all the eating at night, but I think if we look at your routine at first & it does need tweaking, you might find he settles much better.

Thanks for this. To be honest our routine is a bit haphazard but this is what happened today......

Woke v early say 3. Fed until 5 in bed. Dp took downstairs at 5 brought back up at 7 snack fed again. Had second food breakfast at 830 as demanded food when i had toast!

Tried to put down in cot at 9 as obviously v tired. - did not feed. Stood up screaming. Tried to settle eventually got up at 9.30.
Took dd to park so he went into buggy at 11.
Finally fell asleep in buggy at 1230. (first sleep of the day since 3 am)
Woke 2.10

Lunch 2.10
bf at 4
Dinner at 530, wouldn't eat much
Vvv tired. Bf at 630. Asleep at 650.
Woke up as soon as put in cot so fed again. Asleep and down at 7.10.

I know that the naps are an issue and the feeding to sleep but I have no idea how to go about correcting this disaster Thanks v much in advance all advice gratefully received!!

Gosh poor poor you (both). Sounds very difficult, wish I had any advice stemming from experience! Can you give him an earlier nap say 6am, so he's not so OT at 9am when you want him to nap? Just until it gets a bit more on-track? Would he sleep in a sling during the day? Or could you cuddle him to sleep (appreciate hard with DD if she's still at home)? If it were me I'd forget about fighting with the cot for now if you can get him to sleep another way until things calm down.

Ok i had this and we fixed it fairly rapidly with no cry sleep solution. I got the quick guide on my kindle v short and quick to read.

So basically you are right it is prob the naps and feeding to sleep. Focus on sorting daytime sleeps first. Follow eASY (eat activity sleep) routine so seperating food from sleep. Then for naps we started settig the scene a bit more - moving onto quieter activities telling him its naptime, i even put him in grobag, go to room, cuddles and read a couple of books (well try to, ykwim) then into cot 'love you baby time for a nap' etc. Then lie them down and leave your hand gently on their middle back. No shushing no patting no singing no talking. He will get up, let him get all the way to standing then lie him down, don't say anything, repeat ad naseum yes maybe even for an hour STAY CALM. You are showing him that it IS nap time but you are not leaving him. He will be pissed but he is fine. Don't swtich with your partner - whoever starts each nap needs to see it through to the end.

The first few times with ds did take ages but he was sleeping so little ad straight away went to 2 x 1 hr naps then back to 2hrs am and 1hr pm so we saw the results so quickly we didn't have too much time to doubt it. Improved his night waking tons but that is still a TBC we haven't found the strength to tackle it yet.

Its been great for 2wks now and everything seems easier but this week he is shortening his naps again although he is super easyto put down now. Sorry for all the mistakes am on iphone and can't preview. Good luck its a fucking nightmare!!

agree with pp. you need to try & re-establish a naptime/sleep routine that doesn't involve feeding. I suspect the protesting may be b/c this is not how he goes to sleep on his own in his cot - if you feed him to sleep at BT then this is how he expects to be settled at naptime. NCSS sounds very very similar to BW with its techniques but the main thing about this is that you need to remain consistent.

I also think that establishing a regular naptime will do wonders for him & would suggest trying to get him down at around 9.30 for a shorter nap of 30/45mins & then a longer nap after lunch at 12.30/1ish for up to 2hrs. It may be his morning nap needs to be even shorter but this is a good starting point. It might take some time to get to this esp if he is waking up to start his day at 3am, but I would definitely persevere & see if being consistent with your sleep times may help him reset his bodyclock.

Thank you so much for this. Well last night he woke at 9pm (how???!!!) but he wasn't really crying so let dp give him a drink of water - which he batted away and left him to settle himself which he did after about 30 m. He wasn't yelling though as I would not have left him.

He woke to start the day as usual at 3 but instead of bringing him in I went to his room and fed him on the chair. He fed properly (although there was a bit of boob shuffle going on!) and whilst we was still awake I lay him down and sat on floor next to his cot with my hand on his chest. He got up a few times and started yelling when I mistimed it and started to leave before he was asleep but he did go back to sleep from about 340 till 6 am. Which is a massive improvement on yesterday!!

All this advice is so helpful as although I do have a pretty good idea on when he should be sleeping (dd was an angel by this age) you lose all perspective when sleep deprived and I think it is making me a bit depressed.

Funnily my friend mentioned no cry yesterday - thanks for the kindle tip will download to my iPhone for easy nighttime access!!

Am going to try really hard to get him napping this morning - the tip about grobag for naps is a good one. And Lunch earlier as that was a nightmare yesterday

The problem with the second born is that they have to fit in around pfb. In the day ds is an angel. He doesn't cry and is really smilely and placid - which is part of the problem I think as it is very easy to neglect his needs.

Will report back in any improvements!!

Also he is desperate to walk ATM and I wonder if that is part of the problem.

Also he is too heavy for me in a sling now (although he would love it) as my dd wrecked my back - had had 2 ops by the time she was 4 months

I'm glad you had a better night. I know what you mean about losing perspective. ds1 is almost 5 and he wasn't a great sleeper either but I still needed to see it written down to remember what we needed to do - it sounds so obvious and simple but when you are in the middle of it it's really hard to know where to start.

They do have to fit in around the older one but even so I made a real effort for a few days to not go out and about because that is when they get tagged along and they have no routine and sleep in buggies. We went out less BUT when ds2 started napping more I had MORE time for ds1 so I could actually sit and play with him for 30mins or an hour which has just been utterly unheard of lately. So it kind of works out.

I think our problem stemmed from exactly that - where with ds1 were were must less flexible about routines with ds2 we've just been making him tag along and it just wasn't working.

Good luck!!

Well, 2 nights running have had much better night. 4.30 this morning, quick feed on chair back in cot and slept til 7. I didn't even have to sit there!

I am so much more positive - thanks everyone for your help as it really is working ! I am going to continue to post in case it helps anyone else.

Arrgggh - horrendous night. Was late going down then up at 130, 3 and 5. Didn't help it was freezing last night. Brought him into our bed at 5 and my 3 yr old got up at 6!

He was good on naps yesterday but was a bit late going to bed. So frustrating