Help! mid-controlled crying

[amachori]

I've just seen there's a similar post below but mine's not quite as desperate. We're on day 4 and it is sort of working. DD2 is 9 months and up until now I've been breastfeeding to sleep at about 8pm. She wakes 2 or 3 times before we go to bed and each time I feed her back to sleep again. Sometimes she settles easily; other times as soon as I put her down she wakes up again and I spend the whole evening up and down with her. After I go to sleep I can't face doing all that again, so the next time she wakes I bring her into bed with me and she has breast available on demand. We both sleep, but I know she is dependent on me. We decided to do cc mostly because of our experience with DD1. She also co-slept and woke loads and at 3 she still won't go to sleep on her own, wakes several times in the night, and comes into our bed. There isn't room for 4 and DH usually gets kicked out!

But I don't need to justify myself, I really want practical advice on what to do now. Day 1 I put her in her cot awake after a feed and she cried a lot, then woke up every hour or so and cried more. Next night was much better. She went to sleep in about 25 minutes. She then woke at 10.30pm and cried for an hour again but after that slept until 5am!! But then night 3 she slept really quickly, under 15 minutes, but then still woke at 10.30pm and cried for an hour and then again at 1am and cried for 40 minutes. She then slept until 7am. So, day 3 was worse than day 2. I was prepared to give it a go for 3 days, as that's what I had read it takes, but now I'm losing confidence and think if she cries again tonight I may give up. Should I keep at it? Does it sometimes take 5 or 6 days or if it doesn't work in 3 days should I conclude that it's not the right time? I should add that we tried cc with DD1 and it was an absolute disaster - she cried without getting any better for 6 nights and then we gave up. I kind of have that in my mind, hence the hesitation, but then hear all these wonderful stories of everyone getting perfect nights sleep after only 3 days of pain. What to do?

Also, I haven't totally been leaving her after going in each time. When I go in she seems to calm (unlike DD1 who would get more angry and frantic when I went in) and so a few times I have stayed with her, patting or just looking at her, until she goes to sleep. Is this wrong? I am altogether more comfortable with this than leaving her all on her own.

Please no judgmental comments on CC. I know all the arguments for and against and it's too late now anyway - we've started! Thanks.

I think the more time you spend in her room the harder you make it. I'm thinking of trying it (worked a treat for dd1 but nervous about dd2)

Hope someone else can give advice

Why not just sit with her? Are you trying to teach her to self settle at bedtime and night wean? Then I would do what feels more comfortable - sit with her or sleep next to her cot. You can gradually wean her off this later.

I am no expert and on the sleep forum because my 6 month dd does the same as yours and I too need to teach her not to depend on me for every single waking... With my son (3) I taught him to self settle at bedtime separately from night weaning - and I think it worked quite well. It took him a while to learn and definitely not the magic 3 days.

I am all for making your own methods that feel comfortable. I do wish you luck as it's so painful. You feel with the second one you should know better, don't you? But we comfort them to sleep for a reason... Instinct. Such a shame it doesn't go on being the honeymoon of te early months.

Thanks for messages. Night 4 started well. She slept from 8.30pm to 12.45pm. But when she woke I tried staying with, just sitting by her cot. She calmed and was trying to sleep but every time she seemed to be drifting off she would somehow wake herself up again and cry. Just for a minute, because I was there soothing her, but if I had left she would have cried harder. So, I sat there for 45 minutes and then gave up. I offered her a breast, intending to put her back in the cot after the feed. But still she wouldn't settle so she came back into our bed. She slept until 5am, fed again, and then slept until 7am. Not so bad! But I feel awful. Like I've done it all wrong, confused her, wasted all that effort.

I was trying to teach self soothing and night weaning at the same time. I'd read somewhere that it's better that way - they learn quickly and then you minimise the crying. But i think I might leave the night weaning until later. She seems to have got self settling. Well, with me sitting with her, but I mean not feeding to sleep. She slept in under 15 minutes yesterday. And I will try putting her back in her cot after the feed, even if she cries. One feed in the night is not a big deal if we can get her to settle afterwards. And if she gets used to staying in her cot all night perhaps night weaning will work better in a few months time. Or maybe she'll just learn to sleep through on her own!

The DD2 experience is considerably better than the DD1 experience where I was literally crying I was so exhausted and exasperated. But I am disappointed that cc has again not really worked, even with such an easy going and eager to please baby as DD2. Is it the co-sleeping to sleeping alone change that they can't deal with? Does anyone have any success stories of CC with a co-sleeping baby?

Ah well done, look at the good things. The whole experience is so difficult. For what my experience is worth ( and I wasn't co- sleeping with my son) I put him down awake and aftter a month or so he had that sussed (no crying)... (6 months) I stopped feeding him except every 4 hours at night and rocked him to sleep in between. Then I stopped the rocking in between and just fed every 4 hours.... (7 months)... Then he was ill all the time so everything went out of the window..... But at 11 months I would feed briefly and put back in the cot and he would yell for a minute and then go to sleep. After a month of him crying out in the night for a few seconds or minutes he did sleep through.... This was just beforee he was one.

Of course I had all the set backs of toddler illnesses and fears etc... But I think doing it all with baby steps helped.

I don't know if that helps you at all, but I never did cc.... I did obsess a lot. I think baby steps helps and gives the baby time to learn. Some ideas from no cry sleep solution helped me I think.

But I don't know what to do about my baby at the moment! She needs to learn all of this. It's so awful isn't it?