Back full-time not getting any sleep PLEASE HELP ME

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Hi everyone

I have been back at work, full-time for 1 month. I am averaging 5 broken hours sleep on a good night and 3 hours (like last night) on a bad night (broken too!). My dd1 is 9.5months and has always been a bad sleeper. We have had some nights when she has slept through so I know she can do it but there have been maybe 10 over the 9.5month period.

I just don't know what to do. My dh and I are exhausted. We're snapping at each other as exhausted and I'm finding it so hard to keep everything positive for dd1.

Last night was the worst- she was up at 10.30 (down at 7.30) and was up laughing, sitting up and just not sleeping AT ALL. By 1am dh took her to sleep with him and then yet another broken night. Co-sleeping hasn't worked for us.

Dh wants to try cry it out tonight but I can't bare that. Have heard about the 'Ferber Method' and thought that may be better? Anyone use it? What did you think.

Please don't post that this method is cruel. I have tried the no cry solution, have sat with dd1 for 3-4hrs at a time trying to get her to sleep. Have been up every hour on the hour night after night not letting her cry but I just can't keep doing this.

At work I'm making mistakes and even cried in front of my manager (I have never done this before). As a manager myself I also have to spur on a v.demotivated team (due to over work) and get NO SUPPORT at all from my manager and won't. So I really do need some help.

I am not depressed or anything, just so so tired. I don't want to harm my dd1 by leaving her to cry but right now my health, relationship and brain are suffering big time.

Anyone out there who can help/advize?????

Hi - I feel for you, currently up 3 times a night with a 7 week old and better not be by 9 months as I am knackered ! and I am not working at the mo. We did controlled crying with DS at 10 months old when I was going back to work. we only really needed to do to get him to go to bed in the evening. Most people say 3 days and it is a habit. ds is a stubborn one though and took 2 weeks! It was hard and I nearly caved in a few times but it worked. He learnt to settle himself (rather than fed to sleep as he had been) and so if he woke in the night he knew how to resettle. He still woke early but after a while we left him then and he resettled then too. He is now 3 and goes to bed so easily at 730pm and sleeps for 12 hrs (has done since the age of 1 really)

So I would say do it - but be prepared for it to be hard and dont give up when you start! I found going in (as suggested ie gradually extending the amount of time you leave them for) did not work for us so had to just leave him - the time of crying reduces alot and quickly ime.

Good luck

You won't be pleased to hear that sleep goes dolally at 9-10 months. I remember DS being awake for hours at night. In the end. Dh and I had to cope by taking 5 hour shifts to get sleep. It passed after a couple of weeks and he went back to 1-2 wake ups.

I only suggest shifts because not sure sleep training will work especially if she's just sitting up and seems quite happy?

I agree with Iggly. Shifts for a month, then reassess...DD got miles better around 11 months.

Could she be getting too much sleep at her child care?

Thank you for everyone's supportive posts. Means a lot- seriously.

Dd1 hardly takes and sleep during the day. The routine is:

6am - I bfeed her and play with her until 7am
7am- Breakfast with daddy and 60ml feed
8-8.30am- down for morning sleep (at moment about 1.5hrs)
10am- up and has a play and change
10.45- 120ml feed and play trip to park etc
12pm- lunch
12.30/1pm- afternoon nap (lasts 30mins)
1.30pm- change, play/read, out in pram etc
2.30pm- 90ml feed
3pm-5pm play/trip out/jumperoo/playpen etc
5.30pm- dinner including 60ml feed
6pm- play with mummy and daddy back from work
6.30pm- bath and massage
7pm- 90ml feed followed by bfeed (we are trying to stop bfeed gradually)
7.30/7.45pm- sleep
Then the fun starts.......

Does anything in my routine look like it might be contributing to the problems? She used to take and additional later afternoon nap around 3pm is for an hour or so but has pretty much dropped this for the last week.

At moment care is dh Mon 1/2 day Tue (his parents other 1/2), Wed and Fri, In-laws Thu and me weekends. We are on waiting list for nursery and will get 2 days in June Tue and Fri).

I hope as some of you say it's just a phase- dh and I are on shifts tonight to try and get through things. Down at 7.45pm and already woken once!!!

got no ideas really but, tred the cry it out method with ds, he cried for 4 hours I gave up in the end. You dd sounds very much similar, ds has been asleep, tryiing to get him back down now. Have been sitting with him for a total of two hours this evening. It's bloody boring. I've no idea what to d anymore. You have my sympathy

Can you tweak her naps so she has a shorter morning one at 8.30/9 then a longer post lunch one at 12.30? This will mean she doesn't get so tired by bedtime (and being too tired means more wakings).

Also given she wakes at 6am, I'd be putting her to bed earlier. Difficult I know with work etc but it's only while she's young. With DS we'd give him a bath at 6, feed by half 6 in low light and lights out after 10-15 mins. keep the evenings boring. You could use the morning for quality time instead?

You'd need early bedtime and change in naps for a week to see any improvement. Dropping the nap will mean she is still a bit tired so needs help adjusting. When babies get overtired, their sleep goes to pot - that combined with developmental leaps makes it very tough.