End of tether with 8 month old. Sorry, long!

[SleepIsForTheSheep]

DD2 has never been a good sleeper (just like her big sister!). From about four months she has woken every two hours and either fed or cuddled back to sleep. We got through this by co-sleeping and it was ok, not great, but survivable. She started the night in her cot, then came into bed when she first woke up.

Recently, things have been going downhill fast. She's nearly 8 months.

Firstly, the co-sleeping is not going so well. DD2 has become a real fidget, and sadly most of her fidgeting inflicts pain! She claws at my face with her fingers, pulls my lips, or my nipples, wiggles so that I am on the edge of the bed (it's only a standard double and DH is in there too) or refuses to sleep unless my nipple is actually in her mouth. It's giving me a bad back (which I am prone to anyway).

Then there are the wakings. On a bad day, it's now every 45 minutes. And often there is a long waking - an hour or two- thrown in. On a good day, it's still every two hours.

DD1 went the same way, until the point where she was screaming for two hours every night no matter what we did. Even if we rocked, or cuddled, or stroked, she would scream for two hours. Almost to the minute. We ended up pretty much doing CIO - even CC didn't work and we were desperate. DD1 was 11 months and it worked, but it was horrid. It went against all my instincts, but literally nothing else worked and I couldn't stand two hours of her distress every single night.

I've been trying to do something more gentle with DD2 but it is not going well. I've been doing a sort of PU/PD for bedtime. She almost always stops crying instantly when you pick her up and it normally takes a few goes and she goes off to sleep.

Last night I decided to have a go at PU/PD during the night. It did NOT go well. I had expected it might take a while for her to go back to sleep, but it was actually quite quick. Unfortunately, she then woke every 20 minutes. Every 20 minutes for five hours. At 3.30am we brought her into bed and she did a few hour stints of sleep. I simply couldn't keep going like that any longer.

I can't see the wood for the trees and really need some suggestions for how to deal with this? Particularly from anyone who had these types of problems with co-sleeping and worked out what the hell to do!

Thanks, and well done for anyone who has read this far.Sorry it is so long.

Bump?

I have heard lots of people say cranial osteopathy works really well for babies who are not sleeping /settling well. I've heard enough to think if I was you I would definitely be looking into it seriously. I don't have direct experience of it tho. It isn't painful.

Don't have any solutions sadly but didn't want to read and run. DS is very similar to what you describe. And although I'm completely against CIO, PU/PD, & CC (i can see and respect that it works for some parents and babies but it's not for me) and DS has co-slept since birth we have a lot of the same issues as you.

My son is nearing 12 months but around 8-9 months he did the exact same thing as your DD, waking all the bloody time frequently and basically needing to be held all freakin night long. There have also been times (earlier today was one of them) where he has screamed whether in my arms or not and I've needed to walk away for literally a minute or two just to calm and remind myself its not his fault however frustrating it is that I can't make things easier.

As I say I don't have a solution but I will share the resources that have helped me: reading about 'high needs' and 'spirited' babies, I don't know for sure that's what DS is (i don't want to label him negatively or give others a chance to so I don't talk about it in RL except to DH) but it certainly looks that way so it helps to read experiences of parents of similar babies.

I have found the wonder weeks book, website and iphone/ipad app invaluable, it's amazing how much more patience/tolerance/sympathy you can have for a fussy baby if you know why they're behaving the way they do.

I believe your DDs age is a prime time for separation anxiety to kick in, I think it's a case of waking briefly at the end of a sleep cycle, realising mummy's not there and it being upsetting so they wake fully and cry when you try and put them down.

Elizabeth Pantley's 'no cry sleep solution' has some good tips and explains a lot if issues regarding infant sleep. If you're not opposed to a little crying then Marc Weisbluth's 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' might be worth a read personally I found it too preachy and repetitive

the best tip I can give is try not to let LO fall asleep actually on you. I nurse DS on my lap until he starts getting sleepy and then lay him down and continue feeding

next to him. If he falls asleep wants to stay on me/be on me when he wakes and it's impossible to leave without hi screaming and waking the entire street himself up.

I'm pretty sure what you're going through is just a phase (sleep regressions are another good thing to read about) and will get better then worse, then better again and again but I totally get how desperate the situation is for you right now. It's horrible to hear your baby cry (especially when you're getting frustrated then feeling guilty because nothing you do is helping) and whatever you're going through with a baby feels like it's going to be that way forever at the time.

Something just clicked for me after reading the www.Kellymom.com forums, I realised that DC grow up so fast and this really is a short period of time where they need us so completely, so I am doing my best to relax and do my best and just go with the flow and do whatever works at the time.

I hope (i know) things will get better for you soon.

We are hoping to transfer DS to his own cot sometime after his birthday. I'm sure I'll be back desperate for advice then!

What's her day sleep like? Is she teething? And how is she at bedtime?

Thanks everyone. I'll read and digest your long post Ouch - thank you!

Iggly - she could be teething. But no teeth, nor any sign of any below the gums, so who knows. DD1 was late with teeth and she's looking to be going the same way. They could be moved around under there I suppose. Day sleep is ok - one or two short naps when out and about with DD1 and a longer lunchtime, but you have to stay with her or she wakes after 30 minutes or so. At bedtime she's ok, not great, but you can normally pat her or whatever (or PUPD) within about 15 minutes. Not 15 mins crying. As in, you pat, she snoozes, you stop, she cries, you start again...

Snowbeetle - we had that with DD1 and it didn't do much. Maybe I should look again.