fighing a loosing battle with 8/9mo

[CharliesMummyMeg]

Hi everyone, please help.
My DS is 9 months old on the 10th Feb and upto a week ish ago he has slept in our room mostly in our bed with us but sometimes in his swinging cot, i've ALWAYS had to feed him to sleep from about 5mo ish. He was ebf for the whole 6 months and then he has formula in a cup in the day with the occasional BF and is still BF all night. Put him in his own room a week ago as stated, still having to bf to sleep (to the point where I have to get in his cot with him), he wakes up about 6 times per night which is more than what he did when he was in bed with us. He wakes up at diff times everymorning, naps are when ever he wants. I NEED some ideas on when naps should be and what to do at bedtime bearing in mind i carnt leave him crying it breaks my heart...... any suggestions il love you forever....

anyone?

I think it is to be expected that he would wake up more if he's in his own cot rather than in bed with you.

If you are sure that you want to stop co-sleeping then i think you need to stop feeding him to sleep and cut out any night time feeds. I would just sit by his cot stroking him and reassuring him that you are there but don't pick him up. Stay there until you are sure he is asleep and repeat this at each waking through the night. Most people start to se improvements after a week or so. Over time you can start to move you chair further and further away until you are out of the room.

I would imagine he needs about two naps a day. The first roughly 2 hours after he first wakes and then the next one between two and three hours after he wakes up after his first nap.

I feel your pain as I have been there. Another vote for stopping the feeding to sleep. I've done it, gradually from about five months to about nine, and each step has made a difference so he only wakes once now - not perfect, but soo much better!

You can't avoid some crying, but this doesn't have to be crying on their own. Remind yourself that baby is upset that they can't get to sleep, and you're teaching another way of doing this which will ultimately make them more secure and independent. Don't think of it as a fight!

I'd start with settling them for the night - change the routine so there's something in between the feed and sleeping, like a song or story, then shh pat them to sleep. Then once they've learnt to settle themselves, you can do it for the next wake, then the next, etc. I feed my DS with him standing now to make sure he doesn't fall asleep before he's back in his cot.

Good luck!

How supportive is your DH? We had this issue too, it is exhausting but at least you feel like you are there for baby.
We decided we needed to draw a line when i found out i was pregnant and exhausted. Major success story..this is how we did it, and DD was never ever left to cry. It began for us at age 13m.
We went from me feeding her to sleep and then laying her in our bed, over a week we changed that to her having milk for a decent amount of time, then i would get out of bed, daddy would get in until she was asleep. Once that was established we tried with daddy just sitting next to her until she was asleep...at this point we moved from our bed to her cotbed, with daddy sitting on the floor next to her until she was asleep. She was still feeding several times a night at this point and we never stopped this. Next step was to move her into her own room but with exactly the same routine. Successful! Over the next few weeks we cut down her night feeds by setting increasingly later times before we would bring back into our bed...so we started at 11, gradually moved it about an hour everytime we had success...if she woke before that time daddy would sit with her until she was asleep. It was a matter of less than a month of this before she first slept through. It was intermitent for a while but within another month she was reliable sleeping from 6.30 til 6ish. She is now 19m and this week we have started to kiss her good night and leave her room whilst she is awake....she self settles.
I appreciate this sounds a long time...6 months from cosleeping night feeding to self settling sleeping through in own room, but please appreciate she was never left to cry and we were there as soon as she disturbed, this worked for me as mummy as well as her. I havent given up feeding her, she still feeds bedtime, morning, afternoon nap...which i try to keep to the same time everyday and never let her snooze past 3pm.
I hope you have some success