Suggestions on best way to comfort 10mo

[fififrog]

I know there are a couple of threads with similar issues to us at the moment, and I myself had a thread a couple of weeks ago... But I have decided to be more specific with my question!

10mo DD wakes anywhere between 3.30 and 5.00 for no apparent reason pretty much every night. She then will lie there moaning every few mins trying to get back to sleep and failing, this can go on for at least 90mins if left. I have got into a bad habit of either trying to feed her or bringing her into bed or both. neither is a good solution, she doesn't seem hungry and feeding her won't usually get her back to sleep. Bringing her into bed she will often fall asleep but wakes instantly if I move a muscle so neither of us gets much sleep.

These tactics are borne out of exhaustion and lack of any other plan, and since it also places all the burden on me I am getting increasingly stressed about it and now want to make more effort to help her fall asleep in her cot again.

She self-settles at bedtime and any time she wakes before 3.30-ish.

We tried cc one morning, but she cried til morning and didn't get back to sleep. Going in was enraging her so that she ended up screaming rather than the usual grizzling/whingeing. yes I know you have to stick with it, but my feeling was that CIO might actually be kinder rather than taunting her!

However CIO doesn't really sit well with me, so I was after some suggestions for how to settle her back to sleep? In the past, the policy that worked best was just to sit by her cot in silence not looking at her, but because of the co-sleeping habit she now seems to expect me to pick her up when I go in.

Do people think I should return to "my presence is enough" at this age, or do you all think it might actually be easier to pick her up and give her a cuddle? Or should I try to resettle her in her cot? Or is CIO possibly worth a stressful go? I don't really want to rely on sleep aids other than the bunny she already has.

Thanks!

Babies often cry more for their mothers because they feel comfortable with them, so the fact they are crying doesn't necessarily mean they are more unhappy if that makes sense.

I would leave her when she is just moaning rather than crying properly - lots of babies seem to need to have a little bit of a moan to get to sleep.

If you want something a bit gentler than CIO but that should still work, then one thing you can do is make a rule that she stays in her cot (barring illness, dirty nappies etc) but that you can comfort her as much as you like in the cot. Make sure she stays in the dark and doesn't get moved from room to room which is likely to wake her up more, and try to avoid feeding her as babies do get used to being fed at particular times and then start waking up at those times. This will be really hard work for a few nights though I will warn you but worth it in the long-term! She may well not fall back to sleep the first few nights, but keep her in the cot until at least 6.30am/7amish anyway.

Is she teething? And what's her routine at the moment? WU/Naps/BT?

Waking at 3am moaning & trying to get back to sleep, would suggest either discomfort or overtiredness to me.

As for soothing I agree with PP best thing is to try & do as much of it in cot as possible rather than lifting her or feeding her or this is what she'll come to expect.

Thanks both, I do leave her moaning until it goes on for >40mins or so or ramps up. Last night she unusually woke at 2.30 - I have a sore throat so I figured she may have and I'm inclined to think she might be teething too. So after 15 min I gave her calpol, cuddled her for 10min then back in cot. Lay there happily, fell asleep then after 5 mins coughed awake, then exactly the same 3 times til she clearly decided she couldn't sleep so started crying. I comforted her in cot for a while - my gut instinct was as you suggest the less movement the better but she went totally hysterical after half an hour, ended up feeding her to calm her down enough to lie down with me.

Ugh! Just what I didn't want to do, but I thought there might be something wrong. The problem is, I just don't know for sure that there isn't anything wrong to start trying to 'get tough' on her staying in her cot... Dh probably better at sticking through the tears so am leaving it to him tonight.

Ps omama she might be teething just now but this has been going on for nearly two months. I wasn't worried about the odd night of her coming into our bed but I realised it's been most nights since before Xmas and really needs sorting - as you say it's def a habit now.

Napwise a bit up in the air but last week was mostly up at 6.15-6.30ish, half hour to 40min nap starting somewhere between 9 and 10, then an hour to an hour and a half at about 1pm. Previously she had longer nap in the morning and the afternoon one was getting sketchy - I tried her on one nap for a few days but she def got too tired. She slept for two hours Monday pm but she has probably only done that long about 5 times since she was 4 months. I usually sit with her through blip-points (30mins, 50mins) to get her back to sleep if need be but she's pretty good at self-settling nowadays anyway.

I think if theres a chance shes poorly or teething then you did absolutely right to go to her & comfort her. I think leaving her to cry or in fact any form of sleep training would be counterproductive in that situation b/c she will need you for comfort if she is in pain. Even PU or feeding is ok (in my view). When you are sure she is well then you can gradually work on reducing the PU/contact & gradually work your way out of the door.

WRT routine, most LO's drop to 1 nap between 15-18months but there are some who do it earlier. 10months would be pretty early so I'm not surprised she got too tired when you tried. However, 10 months is a pretty common age for their daytime sleep needs to start reducing, this is the very start of the transition to 1 nap but it can take months & months. If it helps my LO started cutting back his morning nap at 8/9 months & we didn't switch fully to 1 nap til he was 15 months old.

EMW can be caused by too long/too early a morning nap, too much daytime sleep, too late an afternoon nap or overtiredness.

I think in your situation, the AM nap is about the right length, but if it usually starts nearer to 9am it might be this that's contributing to the early waking. So IIWM I would try & aim for an AM nap that starts nearer to 9.30am & ends no later than 10am. By capping it at 30mins this should help to ensure you get a decent PM nap.

If her PM nap is usually only 1-1.5hrs max then she is likely to be overtired at bedtime, which can also cause early waking. I would try & then aim for a PM nap starting 12.30/1 (may take trial & error to find the right start time but I would start off with 12.30) & let her sleep up to a maximum 2hrs.

I would try & be as consistent as you can be with her naps for a good couple of weeks. If the PM nap doesn't lengthen consistently, then I would suggest gradually trimming the AM nap shorter by 5mins every 3-5 days until you get a 2hr PM nap. You do this by putting her down 5 mins later but still wake her up at 10am.

You might find that shortening the AM nap & aiming for a longer PM nap will help with the EMW. It certainly worked for us at that age.

HTH.xx