Help - 1yr old forgotten how to go back to sleep

[Deliaskis]

Hi folks,

We have a bit of an issue with DD (11mo) waking at night at the mo, and I would really appreciate any thoughts. She has always been a really good sleeper on the whole, down at 7, sleeps right through 6 ish not fed in the night since 4 months.

Then over Christmas, she was doing a bit of yelling in the night, we would go in and calpol/bonjela when appropriate (for teeth etc.), and cuddle for a bit and she would go back to sleep. Sometimes she would stir again and we would do a bit of ignoring and eventually she would go back.

Anyway, the last few weeks, things have gone a bit tits up. She was ill in hosp for one night, and then we had to wake her for drugs a couple of times then once a night. And really, since then, she's not slept through. That all stopped about 2 weeks ago and there are no after-effects of the illness as far as I can tell.

So what is happening is she wakes, moans a bit as if she just wants her dummy, but then gets irate if I give it her then leave the room. She then ramps up into full on rage (like tantrum rage, with some of that lovely almost-silent screaming) and I just don't know what to do about it. We tried leaving for a bit, but she just carried on getting worked up. We tried cuddling, but she was still raging in my arms, we ended up bringing her into our bed, and she was still screaming, just right in ours ears now.

We are trying calpol and bonjela in case of teething, but it really seems like nothing is actually 'wrong'.

I don't know what to do , she was such a great sleeper. The time she wakes is inconsistent, can be about 10pm, or 2.30am, and this morning was 5 so she never went back to sleep then [verytireddeliatodayicon].

I feel like she gets frustrated as she can't get herself back to sleep, but she puts herself to sleep fine at bedtime (happily, chats to her muslin then drifts off) and at naptime (bit of shouting but not genuine distress).

So, sleep people, any words of advice?

D

Have you tried feeding her? Maybe she needs more food to recover from her illness (you can wean off again later on).

I m v new to this, but to be honest (and I am assuming there is absolutely no illness left) it sounds like she has just got into a habit of night waking after the whole illness / drugs in the night thing? Is she settling when you bring her back into your bed? Apparently it only takes three nights of the same behaviour for a habit to be formed (I read this somewhere am sure, cannot remember where!), good or bad. I am not sure what to suggest to fix it, I guess it depends on where you stand on spaced soothing / gradual withdrawal / controlled crying / no-cry methods and all that jazz...

I'm going to agree with citymonkey, it sounds as though she has gotten into a new pattern of sleeping. You can go with it and hope she'll move on or try a sleep solution like controlled crying. If she can get herself off to sleep at bedtime, she should be able to get herself back to sleep during the night which gives you some hope. I have a good book for CC so PM me if you'd like details.

Just a thought but is her room warm? Chilly baby might be causing her to wake up?

Mine (10 mo) behaves similarly in the early hours without having been ill other than colds. Trying to work out what on earth to do. She coughed this morning at 3.40 and she has only had about 45 mins since then, I only got 20 mins. Prob is we tried cc one night but she didn't go back to sleep. The next night she didn't wake before 5.30 and then she came down with another cold. It's not hunger, as you say it's like she's not patient enough to wait to go back to sleep. This has gone on for months for us (since about October) although the timings have shifted.

Thanks for replies, I really appreciate your thoughts.

Iggly we have tried feeding, she doesn't want it.
citymonkey no she doesn't really settle with us either, she's tired and grumpy.
ginny I don't think cold, we do check her, turn on a radiator if it's cold, etc.
fifi - that's exactly like her, it's like she doesn't have the patience to wait.

I'm not totally squeamish about sleep training etc. so will be having a think about that. I think like many people, it's when it's the middle of the night, you just feel you want to go for the quickest for everyone, but in the long run it's probably not the right thing.

I think I worry about the working up crying, as I feel like it gets worse when we leave her for a bit, but I guess that the first night/attempt at doing it, it would. Perhaps we need to perservere a bit. It's just...gawd...I hate 4am!

I've heard of a method called walk-in walk-out. A bit like a combination of CC and PUPD, but you stay with them soothing in cot (don't pick up) until they stop crying, and then walk out, when they start again, go back in, stay and soothe in cot until they stop, etc. repeat ad infinitum. So no timing.

Thinking about that, or CC, I don't know.....!

Dx

The method you mention about soothing in the cot sounds a lot like spaced soothing (Jo Tantum) which is what I did. Also though I didn't go in if long silent spells / shouting as opposed to crying. I found my going in to soothe him often made him more angsty when I left. I think you really need to do it for a week consistently though - couple of nights not enough. Hope whatever you decide works out!

I know what you mean about making them more angsty, also standing there but not picking them up. I'm not sure. DH sometimes has trouble settling her in her cot for naps at weekend, and I realised it was because he used to put her down, then stand and shush for a bit, and actually it got her worked up. I just chuck in and run off, and she talks herself to sleep.

I likened it to waiting at a bus stop in the rain. If you're waiting at a bus stop in the rain, it's a bit crap, but you deal with that, and eventually the bus comes. But if I was waiting at the bus stop in the rain and DH kept driving past waving, well yes, that would piss me off! I wondered if that's how she felt when DH was standing there shushing - well don't just stand there....do something!

So I'm a bit about the spaced soothing type of thing, although am still considering it.

I realise that sounds like I'm dissing your suggestion, when in fact it was my own, I just mean, I'm really in two minds about it as I can see the pitfalls!

You're right tho, whatever I go for, I will need to dedicate some time (and some rotten nights) to it.

Well hey ho, I'm being made redundant from my job, so I might have a bit of time on my hands (every cloud and all that!).

D

city my DD has 5-10 minute silent spells Interspersed with 5-10 mins of crying which can go on for hours- did you have that sort of a problem or did one silence generally mean sleep was on its way for your LO?

Usually long silences were followed by sleep at some point, but it could take a while / a few long silences (I remember once it took an hour and a half - would seem like he had settled then ten mins later he would cry out) Occasionally he just would not settle and I would have to give him something but that (luckily for me) only happened a handful of times.

Hi,

I've just messaged today with exactly the same problem, following 2 weeks of illness for my 1 year old - see thread why wont my 1 year old sleep any more".
I believe his is down to a combination of teething and seperation anxiety but its a nightmare with a previously great slkeeping baby.
I have always done CC with both my kids and I favour it, however, this has not worked since this problem began so I am going to try the sit by cot and sooth for a few nights to see if that helps ease the situation.
I'm hoping its just a phase and then he will get back to normal, but its horrendus for him and us in the meantime.
Please let me know if you have any sucess as I'm eager to give anything a try.

Hiya,

Update from us, we tried CC from last Wednesday, after being sure nothing else was wrong. By Saturday morning we had a result, one little shout at 5am, I did a dummy run, and then she slept until 8, which was bliss!

Sunday morning also great, just one little half-hearted shout then she found her own dummy and went back to sleep until 8 again. Then last night, she basically cried on and off for about 45 minutes from 3.30 until 4.15ish. I did kind of CC type of thing again, and she did just zonk out again after 45 minutes. I know there was nothing else wrong with her, but it still felt horrid.

However, she then went back to sleep and I had to go in and wake her at 7, so she must have slept soundly. I'm going to stick with this for a few more nights I think, I feel that she is learning to go back to sleep herself, it's just sometimes she doesn't want to.

Gonna stick with it thought, I know in the long term she will sleep better and be more settled for it.

D

Sorry for bumping my own post, but thought I'd come back to report that apart from a little bit of shouting at around 6am (ignore, ignore, ignore, go back to sleep) earlier last week, we have had lots of beautiful sleep since my last post, no actual night waking at all, and the early starts are getting better (we had to wake her this morning at 7).

So, it seems to have resolved itself for now (until the next time ).

D