Should we leave our 23 month old to shout a bit before going in?

[Utka]

DD2, who's 2 next month, wakes a lot during the night. She goes off to sleep like a dream, and is easily settled each time she wakes, but keeps on waking. Sometimes it's every hour, sometimes 2-hourly, and other nights just once.

We would be up for trying controlled crying, except for the fact that she always settles the first time one of us goes into her room. So we never get to the point of leaving it 2 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins etc.

So should we just not go in at all, and leave her to shout from the word go?

We never had to do cc with dd1, as she learned to fall asleep by herself. DD2 also learned to fall asleep herself, so we thought we'd got it sorted. However, we second time around we created a problem for ourselves, because if dd2 did wake, we'd always go into her. DD1 has suffered quite badly until recently with eczema, and we were so concerned for her not to be woken (and start scratching etc.) that we'd nip into dd2's room to settle her before the noise got too bad. Because dd2 always settled so well, we didn't think much of it, until we realised that this has now been going on for a year . As DD1 is now much better, we are less worried about her being woken up and could therefore probably tackle cc.

Some advice from those who've done cc would be appreciated. Thanks!

what does she do when she wakes? what happens if you leave her?

i'd definitely try just leaving her and seeing if she settles by herself

She kneels up in the cot, shouts, 'no, no no'. When we say 'lie down and go to sleep', she does. Often she loses teddy, which is a major crisis.

Put like this it seems obvious what we should do, but it feels awful when she's so easy to settle. However, dh and I have been taking it in turns to get up with our 2 for the last 2-3 years. That seems ridiculous! Can't remember the last time I had a complete night's sleep.

I would deffinately leave her to shout through it.

try leaving her... she may well just settle back down by herself.

Try leaving her. DD is a couple of months younger than yours, she sometimes takes up to 40 mins to settle herself down to sleep. During that time she chats to herself, sometimes calls out to us etc I don't go in unless she's properly upset or shouting 'stuck!' which usually means she got her foot stuck in the zip of the sleeping bag!

Occasionally I hear her call out in the night but I ignore it unless it turns into full on wailing.

have been doing CC with DD 20 months and it has worked pretty well.
i would try leaving her, say for 5-10 mins and see what happens. if she gets distressed then go in but if shes just moaning to herself she might be able to get herself off.
my DD seems to now need me outside the door for a few mins, she calls me a couple of times then settles down.

Utka, any news?
My 17 month old DD2 is just the same.

Howabout not going in, but calling from your bed what you would if you went in. That's what we do. Sometimes works - only sometimes though ..

i have exactly the same problem with my 2 year old any advice gratefully received tried cc it didnt work

Very soft option this, and completely wrong if you read all the books , but we put a makeshift bed on the floor next to DS's cot - I got there out of despair, believe me. Somehow though it seems to have broken the cycle. If he woke, I'd go in, sort out whatever crisis he thought he was having, then instead of leaving the room (which led to hysteria!), I'd just lie down on the bed. Once he was asleep I'd sneak out back to my own bed. It was taking him up to an hour to resettle, but now two things have happened - first is he's a lot less stressed so seems to be not waking as much. Second is that he goes back to sleep so quickly that we no longer need to get into the bed next to him at all. I've only used it once this week. Not saying it's the best method in the world, but it worked. In a couple of weeks am guessing I'll be able to put the bed away. Hooray..!

I have a 16 month old who goes through periods of this. If she settles first time when you go in, so you can't get controlled crying established, then I would leave her to shout for a couple of nights. Unless she has been sick, or the tone of the crying is really, terribly distressed, DON'T GO IN. She has got used to the idea that she can call for a bit of reassurance every time she wakes up. It won't take long for her to learn to settle herself back to sleep instead. Does she have a dummy? If she's calling you to locate a lost dummy and stuff it back in, you can get glow-in-the-dark ones, or attach them to the cot bars, or put several spare ones in the cot so she can find one. If she doesn't use dummies, she should manage to settle herself quite quickly once she gets used to the idea.

Sorry if people think I am cruel, but I really think a slightly tougher attitude for a few nights would probably crack it, if you can stand it. I know it feels heartless

Going through just the same thing with DD, 18 months at the moment. Always been a good sleeper, but recently waking three or four times a night, just to be tucked-in or reunited with dummy. Exhausting. Would like to leave her to it for a while, but nightmare neighbour downstairs would do her nut. It's hard enough getting up 3 times in the night then having to go to work, but even harder having to worry about waking neighbour and having a nasty note under the door in the morning.

DS (19m) wakes if he gets separated from his bedtime cuddly toy. He just sits up and gets more and more distressed if we leave him. We tend to pop in and reunite them and he instantly goes off again.
I often wonder if we should leave im to it but I can just imagine him getting so wound up we'd never get himoff to sleep again.

Sounds like there are quite a few of us in the same boat. Haven't posted for a few days as we've all been ill. As a result, haven't been able to try out some of the good suggestions here.

In my saner, healthy, non-tired moments (when are they?!) I know we have to crack it but just being tough. She doesn't have a dummy, but sucks her thumb, so in theory she should be happy to settle herself. She does have a teddy and a water beaker, both of which get lost in the blankets, but quite often we go in only to be asked a) if she can kiss the china fairy that sits on her shelf, goodnight b) have some 'sleepy cream' (ie Vicks vapour rub), or sit in her chair with mummy for a cuddle. Something tells me she's trying it on. Unfortunately we can't shout from our room as she wouldn't hear us (or we'd wake dd1 up). However, dh has suggested we have the baby monitor on in reverse and shout through that!

There's obviously something happening around this age as they all seem to be at the same point. Maybe it's about being more independent but not wanting to be. DD2 has just started 2 days a week at the childminder. Settling has been no problem, but maybe this is her way of letting us know once she's at home.

Will keep you posted.