Are we doing the right thing? Self settling ,13 weeks -need reassurance...

[Newmom2b]

Ds is 13 weeks. His 'routine' is wind down with bath and quiet time from 6.30, last feed around 7ish and then nursing to sleep. He then wakes a couple of times in the night for feeds around 1 and 5. It was taking at times over an hour and a half to put him down at night. Feed to sleep and then don't move for 20mins to make sure he's really asleep etc!
Anyway we decided to try and get him to self settle, started on Monday:
Monday- put him in basket awake after last feed, he did a couple of winges, literally about 3 mins and then was asleep!! I was downstairs by 7.30 and me and dh actually ate dinner together....Massive fluke!
Tuesday- cried for about half hour (we do go and reassure him every 5 then 10 mins)
But today he was crying so much that he got worked up into a state and was doing that crying where you can't catch your breath...... We keep going and now he's asleep (still cathong his breath in his sleep bless him) been around an hour but now I'm wondering if we're doing this too soon? Its so sad to see him crying but I know he needs to learn how to settle himself at some point.
I would love to hear any tips or advice on self settling routines etc.
Thanks... X
Also, if we settle him with a dummy can he have this all night?

Hi - no advice but my DD is 14 weeks tomorrow and she can't self settle at all - even screams in car. I have to rock her to sleep in my arms and then it takes around 5 attempts to put her in her moses basket. Same for naps which are 4 a day and only last 30 mins - so tired of it but i just can't do controlled crying with her - i did at this age with ds2 and it didn't work but i gave up after 3 nights. I don't think you are doing the wrong thing - it works for a lot of people. With regard to the dummy, they often wake up for you to put it back in so a dpubled edged sword.

I did exactly the same for my two at about 12 weeks and they both go to bed very easily now and it worked for me

I started self settling with my dd at 9 wks (she is now 15 wks tomorrow). I would feed her bottle then put down into basket in my room with blind almost closed. She would have dummy then I would say 'goodnight' and walk out and close door. She would drop dummy a few times to which I would go back in, give it back and walk out. No talking or looking at her (hard cow icon) and after a few repeats of this would normally be sleeping. It's done wonders and she now does this every night. She drops dummy once asleep and doesn't bother with it.

I don't think it's every to early to self settle. It will be tough for few wks but good for baby to learn

Good luck

I started self settling with DS from week 2 but i would never have left him to cry. A little grizzle yes but not a proper cry. What you are doing sounds like CC and is not recommended till 6 months. He does not yet have object permanence, so when you leave the room and he is crying and can't see you he believes that you are gone forever and he is all alone.
I used to put him DS in his moses basket and stroke him, if he seemed happy I'd leave the room or go out of sight and would only return if he cried. He could self settle by about 4 weeks and slept through the night from 14 weeks to 26 weeks. At 10 months though he is an atrocious sleeper.

That seems very young to be crying alone for 10 minutes.
Could you put her down and then potter round the room so she can see you, occasionally stroking her head etc, so she knows you are there? She might self settle like that. But at that age, if she properly cries I would pick up for a cuddle. She'll work it out. My DS didn't learn self settling till sox months but now is great and sleeps through.

I started self settling with my son at 18 months.

Thanks for all the comments. We have actually given up with this after the first 3 days as we couldn't handle hearing ds cry. I think he's just one of thoses babies who doesn't cry to sleep but cries into hysterics. What we did instead last night was give ds a dummy, it was all very calm, everybody was happy. Ds was asleep within half hour and we only had to go and put the dummy back in twice.
My question now is, is it ok for babies to suck dummies all night? I thought he would spt it out once asleep like he used to but last night he was sucking it all night!

I did this to DS at 9 weeks. There is a difference between grumbles and whinging and real crying - so go with your instincts. Try and put him down when he's drowsy, but not quite asleep.

I liked the shhh pat approach (cannot remeber which book). So you can reassure them, but they learn to drop off on their own.

Hate to say it, but it's worth persisting as they grow SO quickly and it;s a nightmare trying to rock them the whole time. Good luck. xx

My DS is now one but he has a dummy all night, and only at night :) it's fine.

Grumbles is one thing, but leaving the baby to cry so hard that it can't catch its breath is just cruel when they are so little.

I wouldn't leave my almost 10 month old crying for half an hour, even if I was popping in every 10 minutes.

Dummies are fine.