Co sleeping baby wakes at least every 45 minutes in the evening

[haloflo]

And once she has woken I can rarely leave the room again without disturbing her (even if she is in her sidecar cot). She will stay asleep if I lie next to her.

What do I do? We are considering a tv in our room and watching it with subtitles on.

Its stressing me out and I can't relax with my DP even for an hour even in the evenings. I'm not asking her to sleep through the night (although that is the dream), I just want an evening.

Background: We have a loose routine. Naps 10 and 2 most often an hour/hour and half (sometimes 45 mins) She self settles with a dummy for naps, I have to lie on the bed next to her at bedtime but don't touch her or interact with her in any way.

Oh I forgot to mention. I tried CC after advice from my HV and gave in after an hour. I don't want to try it again.

How old is she?

45 mins is a sleep cycle iirc

Unless you have a particular need to have her upstairs in the evenings, and assuming she is under 2 yrs, why not just let her sleep downstairs on the sofa next to you or whatever instead?

No, I tried CC on ds1 and have regretted its aftereffects for years.

We got a set of wireless headphones for the bedroom for when DS was little and wouldn't settle
Whoever is in the bedroom can then have tv on and listen but not disturb anyone else with the noise
DH used it most for watching the ashes in the early hours

I'll be flamed I'm sure but doing cc and giving in after an hour means you put your baby through it for an hour for no reason. Had you waited till she stopped crying, she would have stopped very soon and you would probably have a baby now that you could cheerfully say 'night night' to and leave the room with her awake. There is absolutely no point doing cc if you are going to give in to your own feelings and do it for nothing. It takes 2 maybe 3 days, that's all. And its fucking hard to listen to but then you have a lifetime of good sleeping ahead of you. Your choice to go backwards in the end.

It's what I think, go ahead and flame me.

DD sleeps on my lap during the evening. If I need to do something, I pass her to DH or pop her down in her rocker chair, but I have the TV on and laptop, notebook, books, magazine, knitting etc. all within reach.
I went through months of hell trying to get DS to settle, I'm not doing that again!

She is 9 mo. This has been a battle since about 7 mo.

wellies She goes off without me touching her, it feels like regression to hold her to sleep. However I might do that when she wakes. Hold her back to sleep and see if I can put her down.

timewasting How old is your DD and how old was your DS when he finally settled on an evening. Just wondered if you were talking newborn or older baby...

mrssnap Glad to hear the idea isn't ridiculous. My DP loves gadgets so im pretty sure we have wireless headphones already.

bigusbumus Probably. But whats done is done and I want to move on. And surely its not a "lifetime" of good sleeping. From what i've heard you need to repeat it following illness/holidays/developmental leaps.

DD is 12 weeks, I'm anticipating continuing this til at least 6 months, possibly longer, unless she starts sleeping all evening. As it is she rouses frequently for a drink, and can be awake for a while.

I can see at 9 months you'd be fed up of it, but if she'd sleep on the sofa, with normal evening sounds going on then there's no harm really.

DS got better slightly after 6 months, as in I didn't have to actually hold him in my arms all the time, but he was around a year before he stopped waking regularly before midnight.

Some of the techniques from No Cry Sleep Solution were very helpful.

BigusBumus Or she has taught her baby that if she is upset she will comfort her? Or to be determind and persevere?! which could come in very handy in the future! CC often takes a lot longer than 3 days, often a week and sometimes doesn't work at all. Some babies do not react well to it. We tried a much gentler gradual withdrawal approach and it did not work after two weeks and by baby changed from a happy confident little boy to a clingy and tearful one.

I don't have much advice as we have the same problem! We just go in and settle him but it does mean we don;t get much of an evening. I will be watching this thread!

watching this thread too! was just about to start a thread asking to be reminded why i cosleep and don't so cc... at least you don't have to bf to settle.

I'm in the same boat with my DS. I've given up now and just go to bed at 7 with him and watch tv with subtitles. DH joins me about an hour later! We feel faintly ridiculous, but, to be honest, are both so knackered it kind of suits us. So it's not a silly idea. Well, it is...but if it works for you then go for it! It won't be forever I hope!

I read something recently how its more natural to go to bed early and then maybe wake for an hour or so () then go back to sleep.

Hmm, I'm not sure you can say cc always works in 2-3 days. The only evidence I've seen regarding the technique it works in about a third, doesn't work for a third and the rest it works for a bit. Not sure where I saw that though.

FWIW I tried it with ds2, after 2 wks he was still crying for an hour every night so I gave up. Only did it as DH insisted. I think it's odd it has become so accepted a technique when there isn't good evidence for it. For some it does seem to work quickly but my dc are very determined and will cry for many hours!

We do exactly the same as Queenkong. DS is 10 months now and it's been like this for about 6 months I think. It's not the end of the world, but it will be nice when we get an evening to ourselves again.

I'm in exactly the same boat. DS is 4 months old, goes down quite happily at 7pm but wakes up 40 mins later (I can predict it pretty much to the second), so during those 40 mins I rush around like a mad woman cooking and eating tea, putting dishes away, getting ready for bed - then when he wakes up I feed/rock him back to sleep and then I can watch tv or whatever for a bit before I take him up to bed with me. but if i dare put him down all hell breaks loose and he is awake for a few hours getting generally very grumpy and overtired. trying ideas from 'no cry sleep solution' - no idea if they will work. DH is very not ok with all of this and has mentioned lots of times that something needs to be done (has friends how do CC and he seems to listen to their opinions more than mine at the moment unfortunately)
i'm generally in bed pretty early as DS is waking every hour at the moment!

Also in same boat, but DS is 15 months old, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. Sorry to be voice of doom.

I find he wakes less in the evening if I force him (!!!) to have a long nap around midday - have to pat him back to sleep at least 3 times in an hour and a half but it's probably worth it for more peaceful evenings.

failing all that, at about 10 pm I usually give up, go to bed with him and listen to radio on my mobile via headphones until I'm tired. Do get really fed up of not having an evening though.

Everyone's different, but at 9 months, I'd want my evenings back! I think the only way to get this is a good bedtime routine and some sleep training to get her into a cot. This doesn't have to be CC, you can do pick up put down or gradual withdrawal. Are you familiar with either?

Your routine during the day will have an effect on how she sleeps at night so this needs to be considered as well. I know I'm far stricter than most MNers and at 9 months my daughter was down at 7pm and that was the last we heard from her. I don't believe it was luck, i started with a routine and settling her upstairs from about 8 weeks old, she moved into her own room at 4 months even though I would have probably done it sooner and she learned the skills of self-settling early on without needing any controlled crying.

Good luck. :)

Oh dear... I came on this forum to write your post!! Although I am slightly less considerate and leave the volume on the TV on. Tbh it seems to make little difference. Although when the sky box goes into standby it has woke her on occasions.

My DD is 9 and a half months old. She hasn't slept in her own cot for about 6 weeks. Last night she barely slept at all. She finally fell asleep at 11:30 and woke me at 4am. I was not happy!

I'm finding it all very difficult though and was hoping there was some advice on how I could fix this. My OH and I have very little time together anymore as she is always attached to me or him. I'm exhausted!

My DS2 is 4 months and is very similar to ct148's by the sounds of it. Goes down quite easily if I feed him to sleep but awake after 40 mins exactly. Sometimes he will then go back down easily if I feed him again, but more often than not I am up and down the stairs all evening until I give in and take him to bed with me. Sometimes I watch tv very quietly or use my phone on the Internet. It's stressing me out at the moment, but it makes me feel a bit better to hear that other babies are the same. I know that I need to encourage him to fall asleep on his own without the boob, but I'm not sure how to do it. Not considering CC either. The silly thing is DS1 was the same but I can't remember how or when he stopped doing it. I know he was sleeping through mostly by 14 months. Just so tired I can't think about it very clearly at the moment!
Sorry I know I'm not helping, but at least we can sympathise with each other.

oveisagirlnameddaisy a lot of is it luck. I started a routine from week 2, DS could self settle by week 4 and I night weaned at around 14 weeks except for a dream feed at 11. I had two and a half blissful months when DS slept through and I was as smug as you. I swore that I'd never bring him into my bed but I also never wanted to leave DS to cry for long periods of time. Anyway I thought I'd cracked it. At around 6 months old he would become hysterical if I left the room before he fell asleep and started waking up every 45 minutes. I tried every gentle sleep training method out there and nothing has worked. I do not want to leave him to cry and become hysterical so that is why we co-sleep.

I am familiar with the other sleep training methods loveis but not convinced about sleep training tbh. My DD used to self settle with her dummy. Then I had to lie next to her. Now she wants cuddling and rocking. Last two nights I rocked her to sleep early (half 7) (she had been going to bed at 9/10) She woke after 45 minutes but resettled. She then slept for 2 hours the first night, 3 hours last night. How does that work? I soothed her to sleep but she woke less???

narmada I'll see if there is a pattern depending on nap length/timing. She still has 2 naps and a late afternoon is a definate no no but thats all i've noticed without writing it down.

Maybe the 9/10 bedtime is too late for her and she's waking up cos of this? try shifting her day a little earlier?