controlled crying - have you done it?

[er1507]

just wondering if you have tried controlled crying and how old was your baby when you done it and most importantly, did it work??

im not sure what to do, me and dd cosleep which i like and dont mind but she wont go 2 sleep unless cuddled and if i put her 2 bed at 7pm she will continue to wake every 20min until i bring her in my bed aroune 10/11pm. she used to be a dream and would only wake up once maybe twice for a feed, she is now 6mo and has breakfast and dinner. i really dnt think there is any reason for her waking other than she wants to be close to me. again i wudnt mind but she wont sleep for more than 2 hrs before waking again, i usually can turn her on her side and she goes straight off or she will nurse bk to sleep. she refuses a dummy. so im thinking that a little cry down more than cc will help her understand that bedtime is sleeptime?? oh and shes def not confused about day and night.

hmm it is up to you how you choose to parent at the end of end of the day but in my opinion controlled crying is a cruel method. your baby is crying for a reason and the only reason why it eventually 'works' is because the trust has been broken between you and baby and they have given up trying. sorry to be so blunt, probably not a very helpful commet at all but i do think it is great that yu say you enjoy cosleeping etc but obviously it must be very tiring if our lo is not settling at all without you. what do you think about wearing her in a sling until you go to bed? or will she settle for anyone else?

this site gave me a few ideas without having to go controlled crying route:

www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/31-ways-get-your-baby-sleep-and-stay-asleep

hope things improve for you soon.

sorry about all the typos..trying to write with a baby in my arms !

I just posted a thread about this, my DD is 9 mo and exactly the same.

I tried CC and gave in after an hour. It totals depends on you. Let me know how you get on.

I did CC with my DS about 2 months ago when he was 19 months. He had been waking several times a night for about 6 months for absolutely no reason, and I was just making excuses for him!
I eventually had enough, and decided to try it. It worked really well. Within 2 nights he was sleeping through, and it was nowhere near as horrific as I thought it would be!
I'm going to do it again tonight as we moved house just before Christmas, so he's regressed a bit. But again, he's now waking for no reason.
It is absolutely you're decision. One thing I would say though is that you have to be 100% determined that you're going to carry it through. There is no point doing it if you're going to give up half way through!
Good luck whatever you choose, it's awful having disrupted sleep ALL the time!

wow, you're going to get a lot of people telling you that you are cruel, but i did cc with dd when she was 7 months and it was the best thing i ever did.

would also agree that once you decide to do it keep on, dd cried for about 30 mins the first night then the time reduced after that.

you'll also get posters telling you that it'll just teach your dc not to cry which hasn't been the case for dd. she will still let me know if something is wrong, like teething or is cold

it is tough but good luck

I did my own version of cc with ds when he was about 9/10 months, as he was used to fall asleep only if I rocked in my arms (with me walking up and down a room, possibly singing a lullaby). He was starting to get heavy and it'd take him ages to fall asleep. I wanted him to learn how to sleep at least lying down... it worked in less than 5 days. I used to just sit behind his cot and went to stroke him after 2 mins.

He is now 9.5 and I can't really say that cc has created any trust issues...

Did it at 14 months - it totally transformed DS sleep and wasn't nearly as bad as I feared. I was very anti doing it when he was a baby but it was the only thing that would end the battle of wills that his sleep had turned into - he kept refusing to go back in his cot at night (and wouldn't sleep in our bed even). I have a theory that it's easier when they are older as they get the idea quicker, but that may not be true.

I did it with dd2. It works. But it's tough. I think it took 3 nights but after that we never looked back. And now, aged 5, she is perfectly happy.

When my 3 were babies I did cc right from the start. Now slay me all those who think it was wrong but it worked for me. I was given the advice that after feeding, changing, temperature and winding If all of that had been checked to do cc. Now I did it by the clock and never went over 20 mins. At first it was hard but then it got less and less and then they all went to sleep within 5 mins. They are all much older and they all have a good relationships with me.

When I had my youngest there was a mum in the hospital that whenever her baby cried she would pick him up. It was fustraiting for me as I knew I couldn't interfear. The way I saw it that babies have just been through a rough time in being born and they had to get used to the world. From dark to the light must be weird for them alone.

Thnk u all for your comments, I will give it a go and think I will get a glass of rose to gel me too!

If you have any doubts then it won't work. My first 2 had issues with settling themselves to sleep and would cry during the night for me to settle them back to sleep.

I did a version of cc with ds1 after reading all the books I could from no-cry sleep solution to GF, and trying everything else. i spent months trying other things but nothing worked or helped so it really was a last resort then. I couldn't do it with ds2 as he shared a room with his big brother so just stuck to a good routine and he got there in the end!

If you follow the principles - say goodnight, settle them then go straight out and say/do a bit less each time you go back so after you've been back a few times you just lay them down and walk out then baby will realise that night time is for them to sleep on their own and that they can go back to sleep without you. mine all have a comforter so i put them to bed with the comforter against their cheek to cuddle which worked really well.
you can also do gradual withdrawal where you spend less and less time settling them to sleep. you need to do the same thing every time you go to her so she knows what to expect every time.

if you feed her one time then she could expect it every time. i could only confidently stop feeding to sleep or back to sleep at 7months with my first two but 9months with my 3rd baby, till then i couldn't be sure that they weren't really hungry when they woke up.

maybe wait a few weeks till your baby is having more solids and you can be sure she's definately not waking for hunger. in the mean time keep at the good sleep habits when you put her down to sleep and keep everything to a minimum when you settle her back to sleep. she may just settle on her own without you needing to do cc if you have a good sleep/bedtime routine for every sleep/nap time.

mumo3g "When I had my youngest there was a mum in the hospital that whenever her baby cried she would pick him up"

I'm sure she did. I would have too if I hadn't had a CS. Do you think this is unusual?

OP, 6 months is a lot younger than many of the examples here, worth bearing in mind as I'm sure you are.

mumo3g
"When I had my youngest there was a mum in the hospital that whenever her baby cried she would pick him up"
You think it's wrong that a mother picked up her days old baby when it cried?!
Most people believe that this is the right thing to do. I'm shocked that anyone thinks like this! That baby has spent nine months snuggled up in a womb and then been born and you think it should just be left to get on with it? I picked up and cuddled my baby when he cried because and he stopped crying when I did so and because it would have been cruel to deprive him off that comfort.

Yep, I've done CC 3 times, I have 3 DC all BF so they'd got used to falling asleep on the breast.
DC1 at 5 months, wasn't what I'd planned but I was forced back o work early.
DC2 approx 12 months, he had reflux as a small baby so was in pain hence his crying.
DC3 approx 7 months.
I personally felt the time was right when I was 100% happy baby was taking in enough calories throughout the day via solid meals.
No teething, no cold, no fever etc.
Start on a Friday, hopefully you'll be over the worst by Sunday night for work in the morning.
Ensure your DH knows exactly what to expect and have his full support.
Have a pen and paper handy, when your baby is crying it feels never ending but if you record wake and sleep times you should see the wake time reduce over the nights and that is encouraging.
Okay, when baby wakes give them a minute, go in offer water, check nappy, tuck in and say, 'time to go to sleep'.
If baby is crying leave a minute, go in and say, 'time to go to sleep', don't pick up no fuss, no hanging around.
If baby continues crying leave 2 minutes go in and say, 'time to go to sleep'.
If baby continues crying leave 4 minutes go in and say, 'time to go to sleep', then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 20 minutes etc but without speaking, its reassurance they're not alone.
Every child will respond differently.

Fortunately mine slept through between 3 and 5 days of CC.
My DC are now 8, 6 and 3 and are all excellent sleepers, I have never had an issue with bed time or sleep.
Good luck, be strong and get your partners by in.
Avoid having someone else look after your baby at night whilst you're in the middle of this process, consistency is key.

Oh, er1507 forgot to mention I would give a dream feed when I went up to bed that way I'd feel totally confident the baby couldn't be hungrey when he/she woke later in the night.

Well Treadmillmom I used to dreamfeed her at 10pm up until a few weeks ago because she started waking up during the feed would settle back quickly and then started becoming more and more wakeful! Do you think I should re instate this? I think u will wait until she is on 3meals a day and at the moment will concentrate on putting her back in the cot instead of bringing her in my bed. Also I'm going on hol in 7wks and again in may so do u think I should get those out of the way as I fear they may cause a set back?

tarkaliotta reading your comment just made me laugh out loud! :)

If you are confident she is fine ie not hungrey, not cold, not hot, well etc you can use the CC method to settle her into her own cot in her own room. Also, through out the day tell her again and again what's going to be different about tonights bedtime, reassuring them they are safe, I have no idea whether they understand or not but I used to.

ahh dear...why is it so bad for a baby to want to be close to their mother? what is the obsession with making our children be independent so soon about? In my opinion, if you have a baby expect to have sleepless nights and for your life to change. if you stick a baby on their own then expect to have problems getting them to settle!

'I was given the advice that after feeding, changing, temperature and winding If all of that had been checked to do cc' ...babies are not robots, they are REAL PEOPLE

We did it when DD was 6 months and in her own room for the first time - she cried for maybe ten minutes then slept like a dream, first time through the night and no sleeping/attachment problems 5 years down the line.
This came after 6 months of neither me or her sleeping when she was in our bedroom, and constant night feeds. Luckily it coincided with the end of me bf as well, and she has never needed milk in the night since, plus is one of the best sleepers I know.
Don't rule it out, it works really well for some babies.

madam1min obviously I undertstand my dd is a real person with real feelings and my problem is not that I have sleepless nights it's that she will not go 2 sleep on her own and point blank refuses a dummy when she wakes early hours and will only settle for my boob which is why I'm considering cc.

greygardens did u go in 2 reassure within these 10min? What's your bedtime routine? Currently we have tea at 5 bath at 6ish and bottle around 6.30 but she doesn't always take a full feed usually around 5-6oz.

Oh dear, this was nearly 5 years ago so I can't remember details but I seem to recall she wasn't in bed til about 8pm at least, and slept til after 7am, probably after a full feed but it was so long ago! All I know is it really worked for both of us, we have both been much happier ever since!